Friday, July 5, 2019

Sweet Sixteen

At the stroke of midnight, I exchanged the following texts with my dear wife, who was just wrapping up another Irish Pub Trivia night and, apparently, eager to get paid.
























'That's great, honey. Happy Anniversary!'
--------------------------------------------
Ladder Talk: [No Ladder Talk tonight...]
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: ZZZzzz...
David: ZZZzzz...
Tom: ZZZzzz...

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: ZZZzzz...
David: ZZZzzz...
Tom: ZZZzzz...

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: ZZZzzz...
David: ZZZzzz...
Tom: ZZZzzz...

Sunday, March 24, 2019

Mom's getting old


Angie was on the phone with Gramms today, who kept complaining that she could not hear Angie. 

'I hear you just fine,' repeated the woman with superhero-like hearing. 

After five minutes of this, Angie huffed and hung up the phone. 

'Mom's getting old...'

Angie muttered this as she put down the phone and as she did, she realized that she had been holding the phone upside down. Then she made another mistake and told me. 

'Yup. Mom's getting old...'


Friday, March 8, 2019

Be careful of what you ask for...


David was in class today and the teacher brought in a device that measures noise. Then, she made the mistake of asking her students to get loud to test the device.

As expected, the kids began screaming their heads off. Surprisingly, this did little to move the needle. What the teacher did not know is that David's father has a chest of hair that makes llamas jealous. Okay, that has nothing to do with this story, but hey, it's my blog.

The other tidbit of intel that the teacher was lacking was that years ago I had shown David how to whistle with his lower teeth. I remember this vividly because for the weeks following our father-son knowledge transfer bonding session, Angie, Peter, Tom, and even our neighbors had thanked me repeatedly for sharing my skills. What the teacher did not anticipate was that asking David to be as loud as possible was like waving a red flag in front of a bull. To make a long story short - the bull charged.

Whistler's Mother's lost stepchild took off within seconds, sending the noise-o-meter immediately into the red while the teacher screamed at David to stop. Be careful what you ask for...