Friday, July 27, 2012

The Hokey Pokey

You put your left foot in,
You put your left foot out,
You put your left foot in,
And you tear the tendons in your ankle stepping into a pothole as you exit the cocktail bar, ballerina-style

Angie's very first day of summer break was spent at the doctor's getting bandaged up for severely twisting her ankle in a classic Sex in the City move. See, last night, like every Thursday evening, Angie was the quiz mistress for Trivia Night at our local Irish pub. Since today was her first day of summer vacation, she decided to go get her drink on with the ladies. I'll have an ankle-surprise with a twist.

The major malfunction was that Angie tempted the gods by ordering - get this - a non-alcoholic cocktail. I mean, come on - fate is already a feisty beast - do you really need to wave the red flag? Of course Karma is gonna punish your sober liver. You openly mock him by downing a drink that on first sip looks like it should render you wobblier than a weeble and then he discovers it was just an overpriced glass of peach juice? What the hell kind of date are you, woman?

I was watching TV when Angie came home. Other than it being much earlier than normal, it wasn't really that different than any given Thursday. I did briefly notice that the typical swaying had morphed into more of a hobble, but CSI New York was on and Horatio was going ballistic on this crazy crack-head who was just about to...

'Ah, hello??!! Are you listening?! I said I hurt my foot!'

'Oh, hi. You didn't waste any time getting your party on, did you?'

'No, that's not what happened! I didn't even have a drink!'

'Ha, ha. Good one.'

Angie was then hell-bent on forcing me to believe her that she was not hammered. In the end, I agreed, but only on the condition that she go to a doctor. In the end, she chose to go to a foot doctor, which was fine for me, even if that was not what I had really meant.

After getting clear instructions this morning to keep off her feet, Angie decided to treat her doctor like a husband and completely ignored his words of wisdom. Instead, she kicked off the ankle brace that she was told to wear at all times and thought it would be wiser than grasshoppers to jump on one of the kid's step ladders to make a potato salad for our trip to Eisi's tomorrow.

I don't have a clue as to why Angie was perched up on the ladder, but I try not to make a habit of figuring out Angie's brain, let alone her actions. I did this once years ago and I still find myself talking to the squirrels every now and then. Don't get me wrong; squirrels are furry, cute and normally tend to share my opinions when it comes to Karma and foo-foo drinks. Still, makes me worry.
Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: That we played football.
David: That I played with Yuki.
Tom: Fart! Fart! Fart! Hahahahahah!

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: I really didn't have one because I am weird.
David: That Tommy say to me 'Go away' and swung his arm and bam me in the face.
Tom: The worst part was Fart!

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: I want to play with Arman.
David: To play games with Yuki.
Tom: Want I play in the kindergarten.