Every day has a sunset

Christmas morning always comes earlier than I'd like, but the boys were actually somewhat civil this year. The first wake-up call was from, surprise, surprise - David. He tried convincing Angie and me that he should be allowed to open his gifts while his brothers slept because removing all of his gifts would only make it easier for his brothers to find theirs. I tried to explain to David how life really works, but he disappeared in mid-sentence.

A few seconds later, I heard David singing opera as loud as he could just outside Peter's room.

'Peter's up!'

Next, I heard the home phone ringing. David answered and then ran into Tom's room screaming.

'Tom, wake up! Telephone for you!'

Tom then crawled out of bed and grumpily grabbed the home phone from David.

'Hello?'

David then pulled his cell phone from behind his back.

'Hi Tom. Merry Christmas! Bwhahahahahaha!'

Before Tom could complain, David had raced into our room.

'You said we need to wait until Peter and Tom are up. They're up. Can we open the gifts now?'

I gave David eight points for creativity, ten points for persistence and twenty-five points for being a pain in the ass.

I then went to the the kitchen for pot. Unfortunately, I could only find the kind that you pour coffee into. Angie and I then proceeded to guzzle liquid energy as the gift frenzy kicked into full gear.

Peter was the first one to strike a pose with his prize gift. Oddly enough, he ignored all rules regarding teenagers receiving gifts and actually liked getting clothing.

In his defense, he also got into knitting with his Oma on our last trip stateside. Okay, this doesn't really help his defense, but I'm sure this outing will score points with my mom.

David took a different approach. He got mega excited about a bell for his bike.

Kids get excited for different reasons, so this might even be normal if it weren't for the fact that David's bike was stolen several months ago and we had already explained to him that he would not be getting a new bike until spring. But hey, have fun with that bell!

Tom took a Mr. T approach.

'I pity the fool that takes pictures of me!'

Let's ignore the fact that the Santa Claus beard-hat was actually Peter's gift from Santa. Peter didn't mind, though, and I'm guessing that you can guess Santa's interest in the matter.

 

There were many other gifts that were victims of the present-frenzy, but the next one was the one that brought all the gift receivers to a frenzy.

At first, my parents' surprise gift remained a surprise. It wasn't until we explained to them that Oma and Pop-pop had paid for a hotel plus tickets to the Mary Poppins musical in Stuttgart that they started to huddle with joy.

After this year's present frenzy, we made our way to Frankfurt. Today is Sonja's birthday so we decided to surprise her by crashing her pre-planned museum visit with her parents. On the way, we stopped by to pick up Barbara.

A few years ago, we, as a family, handed over the 'late torch' to Barbara and she has never disappointed us. I'm pleased to announce that today was no exception. We were on time and Barbara had just gotten out of the shower. Angie was pissed, I was indifferent and my imagination was cracking up as it envisioned Barbara, snickering away as she blow-dried her hair, muttering over and over again 'yeah, take that for stealing my childhood sticker collection'.

When we got to the museum, we tried not to stand out. As I mentioned, we were there to surprise Sonja on her birthday. I won't say how old she was turning - that would just be embarrassing.

After waiting outside for ten minutes, we called them and asked them where they were. They explained that they had been there for almost an hour and were waiting in the restaurant which, oddly enough, is exactly where we had agreed to meet them. I thought about rethinking my thoughts on whether Angie's brain should be allowed to organize anything, but I looked up and got distracted by a flashy photographer.

The museum exhibition was called 'Diorama' and focused on optical illusions and three-dimensional miniature models. Outside the museum was a an open-air rotunda that boasted a mirrored ceiling. Every ten seconds, the lighting would dim, revealing a second mirror that created the illusion of an endless tunnel of mirrors, which is just what the world needs. One BILLION mini-me's!

With detective-like skills, we eventually found the birthday girl hiding in plain sight in the exact place where we had arranged to meet. Ha, ha - gotcha!

After brunch, we dumped our coats and bags in the lockers by the front entrance and made our way up the elaborate staircase to the exhibit entrance. Heidi had invited all of us so she had the tickets. She handed them to the uniformed lady at the entrance. She had a hand-held bar-code scanner and began to scan each ticket with a level of complete disinterest that I had not thought possible. Each scan registered a BEEP! which was the only sound echoing off the walls. Even the boys seemed to be quietly mesmerized by the robotic movements of the woman scanning our tickets.

As the woman scanned the second to last ticket, Heidi realized that she had reserved a ticket for Leif, who had opted for studying the optical illusion that his pillow makes when his face is planted in it.

'Sorry, sorry! I gave you ten tickets, but there's only nine of us - one person couldn't make it.'

Robot-lady gave Heidi a blank stare and replied without emotion.

'I'm sorry, I'm not the cashier. There's nothing I can do. I've already scanned the tickets.'

The woman then slowly moved the last ticket to her hand-held scanner.

BEEP!

She handed the tickets back to a rather flabbergasted Heidi and Barbara tried to make the best out of a bizarre situation.

'Oh well! There are worst things that could happen.'

Most normal people would have taken Barbara's statement as rhetorical, but Robot-lady apparently felt compelled to chime in.

'Yeah, there are worst things. I just read an article about a pregnant woman in her seventh month that just found out that the baby has a tumor and they could both die.'

Trust me, I have initiated my fair share of awkward silences, but this is probably the first one where I was the one to break it.

'Ok, boys, how about you go catch up with Mama and don't make any eye contact with the lady scanning tickets.'

Like Mama, the boys are crap at following orders. They did run away from Robot-lady, but instead of catching up to Angie, they chose to plop down on some white blocks and pose for an upcoming GAP ad.

The museum itself was a let down for several of us - just for different reasons. For me, it was simple - I thought we were going to be looking at a lot of optical illusions, but there were none. There were just a bunch of miniature models and most of them looked like some of the science projects that Angie and I have made for the kids over the years because they had forgotten about them until bedtime on the night before they were due.

Angie and Barbara got super interested in the exhibition boasting an Axolotl.

If you're a normal human like me, you probably don't know what an Axolotl is. Unlike me, you might actually care, so I'll tell you - it's a Mexican salamander. They then spent about an hour searching for it before Google informed them that the Axolotl is nocturnal. I found it funny that a museum that is only open during the day would have an exhibit of a creature that, by nature, hides all day long. Angie and Barbara were not equally as amused.

Klaus was not amused by any of the exhibits, but it was this one that put him over the top. At first glance, it looked like a Native American riding a Harley.

Klaus and I approached together, both of us wondering what the hell this had to do with optical illusions or three-dimensional miniatures. On closer examination, it was a transvestite Indian sporting neon nail polish and fishnet lingerie riding a Suzuki.

'Oh, this is just ridiculous!'

With that, Klaus exited stage left. On his way out he caught a glimpse of Tommy and David's review of the 'Diorama' adventure. 

Tommy was so happy to leave that he started doing cartwheels on the way out.

David also did a cartwheel. Kinda. Okay, it didn't resemble anything like a cartwheel. He basically threw his body at the ground and damn near broke his wrist.

Angie was glad to leave the museum without any broken bones. I was just glad to leave the museum. I think Klaus was on my side of the camp.

Outside, we herded everyone together for a group photo. Just before taking the shot, Angie suggested that we all go for a coffee.

Like Garth Brooks, Klaus is not big on social graces, so I initially assumed that his glance to the heavens was a call to be saved. Turns out he was just admiring the only interesting attraction that you could see, which, by the way, you could do without even purchasing a ticket.

We then thanked Heidi again. We don't get to see each other often enough, so it was nice to visit with them. In the end, though, we skipped the social caffeine rush, which meant that we were actually on time for turkey time.

The meal was, as always, great. By great, I of course mean that it made us all a bit fatter, but isn't that what Christmas is really all about? I mean come on - just take a look at Santa.

After dinner, the boys tried forcing everyone to join in a new role-playing game that involved werewolves. Horst was the only one that managed to escape that fun. Halfway through the game, as I had my head down on the table and was being tapped on the shoulder to indicate that I was a victim, I reflected on how Opa had actually managed to get out of it.

'Hey, Opa - do you want to play a new game with us where village people use clues to find out who is the werewolf?'

'No.'

I've learned a lot from Opa over the years, but today confirmed for me that the fountain of wisdom is far from drying up.

After revealing and subsequently killing the pesky werewolf, the younger generation moved into the living room. Peter, David and Tom have been fine-tuning their lady skills and Sonja indulged them for hours as they played games and swapped jokes.

After a nice visit, we made our way home. On the ride back, the boys giddily talked about all the cool stuff they had gotten and how awesome this Christmas was. By the time we got back to the ranch, the cattle had worked themselves into a stampede of happiness.

Every day has a sunset, but it doesn't always end with your children power-hugging you and loudly whispering in your ear how much they love you. Unfortunately. 



--------------------------------------------
Ladder Talk:  [No creatures were stirring, not even a mouse - so I could not get to Ladder Talk]
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: ZZZZZzzzzz....
David: ZZZZZzzzzz....
Tom: ZZZZZzzzzz....

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: ZZZZZzzzzz....
David: ZZZZZzzzzz....
Tom: ZZZZZzzzzz....

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: ZZZZZzzzzz....
David: ZZZZZzzzzz....
Tom: ZZZZZzzzzz....

Lights, camera, action!

Lights, camera, action!
     - the traditional cue to the members of a film crew at the beginning of a take

Christmas morning started out a bit like 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre' - dark and loud. 

The twilight crew huddled in the hallway and vocally whined their displeasure at needing to wait while Angie made the Director a coffee.
 
'Okay, guys. We only get one take, so make it work. I'm going to go set up the camera - I want a shot of each of you seeing your gifts for the first time. Peter, you're up. Then David, then Tommy. And remember - no peace signs and no silly faces.'

Peter came out first and totally nailed the scene.
 

David came out, but he apparently got confused and thought he was trying out for the role of a music conductor with a fat lip. 

This didn't help Tommy, who decided to follow suit by showing me his 'Kung Fu Panda' pose.

David was the first one to unwrap his Nintendo grin.

Soon after, Peter also had a starry look in his eyes.

For Tommy, well, to be honest, he could unwrap a bag of potatoes and still go nuts, so there was no telling what actually peaked it for him.

For Angie, it was simple, since I only gave her one gift.

It's called a YUYU bottle and it is the only full-body hot water bottle available on the market. Trust me, nothing says I love YUYU like giving your lady a pink worm. You can hug me later. 

David didn't wait until later - he power hugged Peter after receiving his glass-cased box full of precious stones, fossils, and cement. 

David then opened a gift from Santa, but his thoughts must have drifted back to the one that Peter had given him and he went in for take two.
 

Take three came shortly after the last wrapping had been shredded, when all three boys pile-drove the Director's personal assistant with a group hug.
 

I wasn't jealous at all. I could have totally snoozed on the sofa and let my children squeeze the love out of me, but someone had to document the memory, right? Don't answer that.

'All right, boys. Cut! Let's break up this disgusting display of affection and go get some Turkey!'

'Huh? Are we going to visit Nil?'

See, a few years ago, Mama flew to Turkey to attend Nil's wedding. This completely confused Tommy, who at the time explained to our neighbor that 'Mama went to eat chickens'. He now knows the difference between a chicken and a turkey, but he apparently still has some poultry-country issues to work though.

'No, Tommy, we are not going to Turkey. We are going to eat a turkey.'

'Huh??!!'

'Never mind, you'll see.'   

When we got there, Judy had the meat thermometer in.

'It's been in for hours, but it's not done yet; it's supposed to reach 180 degrees.'

I noticed that the oven temperature was set to 160 degrees and was still wondering how the inside of a turkey could be hotter than the oven when Peter asked if I would like to see his Christmas Cactus Man.

'I would love to.'

Dinner was great and the boys behaved rather well, except Tommy, who almost nodded off in a pile of mashed potatoes and gravy. I guess staying up until midnight the night before and waking up at 6:00 in the AM can really tucker out some people. Not me.

After dinner, Barbara broke out her new Polaroid camera that she got from Jil, Leif's sister. She warmed up things with a shot of Angie holding the world's smallest iPad.

Next, Barb scored a metro shot of pure manliness (yes, I photoshopped out the chest hair).

That's when Peter came racing up, shaking like a, wait for it..., Polaroid.

'Ooh, ooh, can I take a picture? Huh? Huh? Can I? Can I? Please!'

'Sure, Peter, here you go, but just be careful that you don't...'

*CRASH*

That's right, Butterfingers dropped the camera. Tommy's sensitivity radar picked up on what had just happened and immediately tried to calm his brother, who was thankfully not wearing mascara.

'Oh, that's not good, Peter. Why did you do that?'

The good news was that it landed on the lens. Oh, wait a minute, sorry; that was the bad news. The good news was that Opa, Barbara and Leif are collectively quite skilled at figuring out how to snap tiny plastic pieces back into their proper place.

I wasn't jealous at all. I could have totally fixed the camera and saved Peter from even more tears, but someone had to document the memory, right? Don't answer that.

If you've never witnessed pure relief, just check it out. Both of them, actually.

After the curious incident of the camera that goes bonk in the night-time, two things happened. First, Barbara decided to attach the safety strap to her camera. Good idea.

Second, Tommy awoke from his Christmas lumber. See, after almost falling asleep at dinner, Tommy had disappeared to build his Lego alligator that would have taken Peter two and a half minutes to build. Tommy is the youngest of three brothers, though, so he still insists on doing all things 'by me-self'. This of course meant that the rest of us were able to enjoy two and half hours of silence as Tommy remained focused on deciphering the picture-by-picture instructions.

What goes up, must come down. And what goes dark for two and a half hours must come out loud and wildly proud of his self-built Lego-gator. 

After that, all bets were off. The Genie was out of the bottle and it was wired for sound. At one point, he honed in on Grams as his victim of choice and kept racing up behind her to see how close he could get to her neck before she would turn around. As it turns out, I think that Grams has played this game before. She at least took my preferred approach and simply ignored the insane giggling and head poking.

After an hour of Tommy's version of hide-and-seek where nobody was really seeking, I announced the upcoming release of the Director's Cut.

'Okay, guys. We only get one take, so make it work. I'm going to go grab the bags of food that Grams has given us - I want a shot of each of you putting on your shoes and coats. Peter, you're up. Then David, then Tommy. And remember - no hiding and no more farting noises.'

Peter came out first and totally nailed the scene. 

David came out, but he apparently got confused and thought that he was supposed to whack his brother with his shoe.

This didn't help Tommy, who for some reason decided to reenact a scene from 'Raging Bull'.

Even Scorsese knows when it's time to close the curtains.

'All right, everyone - that's a wrap!'
--------------------------------------------
Ladder Talk: 
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: That today is Christmas and that we got so many presents.
David: That everyone had fun and it was the best Christmas I had until now. 
Tom: That we got presents and that it Christmas was. 

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: That I didn't get the Lego set with Hulk and Captain Falcon. 
David: That we couldn't stay longer by the cats.
Tom: That I got a belly-ache.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: I want to build my Legos.
David: I want to play with Luca.
Tom: I want to play with my presents from Christmas Day.

The Christmas Bunny

Bunny ears never get old; just ask the boys. At least now we know where they get it from. Thanks, Judy.

On Christmas Eve, wave one of the gift frenzy was kicked off when Grams, Opa, Barbara and Leif popped in with enough gifts to put Santa to shame. The delivery was definitely kid-tested and mother-approved.

For dinner, we decided to separate the adults from the wild. This was mainly so that we could try to have a grown-up conversation, something that has eluded us since April 1st, 2004. Yes, Peter's an April Fool from a decade ago. 

Judy kicked things off with an innocent question.

'So, Angie, how is it having this year off from teaching?'

'Oh, it's nice, but there is still so much... TOMMY, GET OFF OF THE SOFA RIGHT NOW AND TAKE THE FORK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!!'

'Yeah, yeah, I can imagine. And how does Peter like his new school?'

'Well, in the beginning it was...DAVID, ARE YOU SERIOUS? SIT IN YOUR CHAIR AND STOP WHACKING YOUR BROTHER IN THE FACE WITH A SAUSAGE!!'

At some point, we simply gave up on the family-friendly chit-chat and the mature-types silently raced to eat as quickly as possible without choking. After what can be loosely described as dinner, the boys were released to free confined boxes from their oppressive wrappers.  

The boys hardly agree on anything, but it was clear to all of them that they would keep the HUMONGOID gift from Barb and Leif as the grand finale.  

If you're like me, even unwrapping the thing didn't help. What did help was Barb explaining that it was a bug hotel. A what??!!

Bug hotels are apparently the latest crave among weird types, so of course the boys absofreakinlutely loved it! Barb went on to delight us with how it works.

'So, yeah. You hang it up, and bugs move in.'

It was at this point that I turned to my sister-in-law's sister.

'We're hanging this thing up outside, right?'

Before Angie could answer, Peter had a dilemma that simply couldn't wait. They never can. 

'Papa, do you think it's okay if I don't make my special dessert tonight for everyone?'

'Sure, no problem, buddy. I bought ice-cream and strawberries, you know, just in case.'

Peter then disappeared and I thought he was playing with all his new toys. Turns out, he had curled himself into a ball of indecision in his room.

See, about two months ago, Peter saw a video online on how to make your own cupcakes. He then secretly played this video over and over and over and over and over again until he could actually transcribe the video into a scribbled recipe that only my firstborn could read. He then forced me earlier today to go out and let him secretly buy the ingredients. This was tricky since I had to pay for his shopping list, which included cupcake wrappers. Hmmm, I wonder what it could be...

After uncurling Peter, I realized that his indecision had more to do with his lack of nerves. He was worried that his clandestine deciphering of the video might not result in the dessert to end all desserts. I then came to the rescue, kinda like Superman, only I wore my apron on the front. 

As Peter Crocker was kickin' it in the kitchy with his not-so-old super man, David was busy conducting an experiment.

See, Davey had gotten a pair of Walkie-talkies for Christmas.  Being the smart kid he can occasionally be, he quickly discovered the sound that two Walkie-talkies make when you hold them close to each other. His experiment was to test the patience of, well, pretty much everyone other than David, on how long they would tolerate the irritating feedback noise. In case you're wondering, it was a tie between Opa and Mama. 

Barb and Leif took the road less annoying and tried to help Tommy build his super-duper-water-race-track that was apparently more difficult to put together than the pictures on the box led one to believe.

So, the race was on. Who would finish first? Peter's sweet surprise or Tommy's watery mess?

I was stuttering in anticipation when I heard screams from the kitchen. My reflexes kicked in and I donned my fireman's hat. Then I remembered that Angie was nowhere near the kitchen and strolled in to find a rather triumphant looking prodigy.

When you only have six cupcakes and nine guests, it's always the loudest one that gets served first.

Tom's belly approved, but he volunteered an unsolicited recommendation to Peter that he make the next batch 'this big'.

Peter took confidence in the praise from his first batch and ran off into the kitchen to make the next six muffins.

Shortly after devouring his chocolate-filled muffin, Tommy's brain decided to ninja-roll across the carpet in front of the tree. Okay, it wasn't really 'in front' of the tree as much as it was 'on the tree', but I am definitely not the preposition police. Angie, however, whipped out her grammar night stick.

'TOMMY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! YOU ALMOST BROKE UTE'S HEART!!' 

Ute's heart is an ornament that she gave us years ago. Like me, it's lovely, but a tad bit heavy, so it always warrants a spot low on the tree. This is also the same lane that is highly susceptible to attacks from rolling ninjas.

Tommy would have to try really hard to break Ute's heart, but he did take the near miss seriously and finally settled down. Yeah, define settled. 

On Christmas Eve, wave one of the gift frenzy eventually came to an end, but I have a feeling that another wave will be hitting our shores soon.

--------------------------------------------
Ladder Talk: 
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: That I got so many presents!
David: Everyone had fun and it was Christmas and nobody hurt himself.
Tom: That is Christmas Eve was and that Peter made muffins.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: I couldn't do my second dessert.
David: That we can't wake you up tomorrow at 7 o'clock for the presents.
Tom: That Simba bite me on the eye.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To have very much presents!
David: I want to have fun at Christmas.
Tom: I want to get good presents and I want to play good with Peter and David.

Memento

memento (plural mementos or mementoes)

A keepsake; an object kept as a reminder of a place or event.

Before and after is such a predominant theme in movies nowadays. In today's matinèe, this would be the after picture of our dinner with Jean and Jerry. Sweet, innocent, and slightly sandy, but only because I had the pleasure of witnessing the before-math. And I hate math of any kind.

Before we get to 'Boys Gone Wild', Jerry found himself 'Lost in Translation'.

Luckily for my stomach, Opa came to the rescue and helped turn German menus into food. 

After ordering, my trouble radar started pinging and I disappeared to see why the animals were burying a completely innocent slide just outside the restaurant.
 

'That's really, hmm, interesting, but who the hell is going to actually volunteer to slide into such a mess?'
 
Oh, that's right.

As David was busy starring in 'The Sands of Time', Jean was joining the cast of 'Some Like It Hot'.

After a nice three-course meal of 'Raising Arizona', we moved on to what most humans would call 'dessert'.

Before and after is such a predominant theme in movies nowadays. In today's matinèe, this would be the before picture of Tommy, defending his dessert prison-style against sandy brothers trying to gang-steal his coveted raspberry. 
 --------------------------------------------
Ladder Talk: 
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: That we could eat with Jean and Jerry.
David: When I slided down into the sand, that was cool!
Tom: No idea. 

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: That my head hurts.
David: That I couldn't eat a second dessert.
Tom: When Davey try to eat my ice-cream.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To go to the park.
David: I want to have fun with my brothers.
Tom: I want to wake you up really funny.