Sunday, August 31, 2008

The Wash & Tickle

We went to the swimming pool today and let me just state up front that these are not my feet. You can tell this by the fact that the ones shown here have hair. Yes, that can be a touchy subject with me so why don't you just shut the hell up and go away?

I am pretty sure that Clarice does not let her legs go au natural, so these lovely drumsticks must belong to Brian, Dalia's hairy dad. For the sake of Dalia's fingers, I hope the sequence of their odd little pedicure was to wash first, then tickle.

Sticking with today's theme of 'weird things to do with feet', David decided to stomp his stinky digits into a plate of french fries we had ordered for the kids with the original intention of actually eating them.

I have to say that cleaning ketchup, mayo and mashed up potatoes from between your child's toes is somehow more disgusting than changing a really gross diaper. That probably has to do with becoming desensitized to the ickiness of diapers after having changed so many, but I really don't care. Yuck, David. Yuck. And I have to save one yuck for Peter, who still wanted to eat the french fries after David two-stepped all over the innocent spuds. Yuck.

What David lacked in french fry eating etiquette he made up for in what was either bravery or stupidity; I'm not quite sure which one yet, but the boy has absolutely no fear of water. Peter and Dalia obviously value life and were not having any part of the slide at the deep end of the pool. David, on the other foot, raced for the deep end and jumped in, feet first.

After a little mouth-to-mouth and chest pumping, David wanted to tackle the slide. I stayed in the deep end and caught him as he slid down. On the fifth or sixth time, though, David did not come down. I started to get nervous and climbed out to check if he was still waiting in line for the slide. He was not. Shit.

I started to freak out, but I quickly spotted him climbing the ladder to the mega super-slide next to the high-dive pool. This is the slide that has a big sign at the front of the line warning that you must be at least NINE to go on it. Thanks, retarded people in line who let my two year old climb halfway up the ladder.

Normally, me telling David not to do something only means he will giggle and do it quickly. I think this time, even he realized he may have gone a little too far. When I screamed at him to get down, he still giggled, but he did reluctantly make his way back down the ladder.

When David's potato smashing feet hit the ground, I was mixed with feelings of relief and an urge to stick my foot somewhere even grosser than in a plate of french fries.
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When we go to the swimming and Dalia was there.
David: I go'ed to the swimmer pool.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When David said by his Ladder Talk that Gizma scratch him - that is not funny because Gizma did not scratch him today - I know that. He always says that.
David: When I cry and Gizma scratch me.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To go with you to dress up like superman.
David: When I play a game.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Throw another shoe on the barbie

SpongeBob has a spatula, so I thought I would score some very unneeded cool points with the kids if I took over as Le Chef. What SpongeBob fails to tell everyone, though, is how much damn smoke can come from even the tiniest of grills. I would hate to see the lungs on that freaky little sponge.

Today I invited my team over for a well-deserved BBQ. Peter helped me set up the tables, which pretty much meant he sat on the bench eating candy and watching me build everything. At least he is not old enough to make any wise-ass comments. Yet.

David helped out by taking an early nap. Enough said.

Angie helped by going to pick up some more ice because my dumb ass only bought enough ice to cool approximately two cans of soda before melting away. I blame that one on global warming. That and being a moron.

Gizma didn't really help, but she did try to eat her own tail for almost an hour, which I found immensely amusing.

The BBQ itself went great. Hamburgers, hot dogs, chicken and lamb steaks with side dishes galore. With all that food, I was not surprised at all when Peter and David ate candy for dinner and sodas for dessert. I was surprised, though, when Peter lost his shoes. How the hell can you lose your shoes? In case anyone wants an answer to that rhetorical question, ask Peter - he's the little blond kid running around barefoot.

Dalia stopped by as the party was winding down. Not surprising, her arrival had just the opposite effect with Peter and David, who started winding up again. Needless to say, putting the boys to bed was not easy. I compare it to putting a bag over your head and trying to catch a couple of greased pigs who, after being caught, find it absolutely hilarious that you have them pinned to the bed in a full nelson screaming at them to GO TO SLEEP NOW! For anyone wanting to know - this technique does not work.

As I disappeared to get the duct tape and sleeping pills, the boys both racked out big time; I'm talking major snores that could even compete with Angie. Peter's feet were sticking out as I tucked him in. As I covered his toes, I noticed the grass stains, cuts and scrapes that covered the bottom of his feet. Jesus! Someone should put some shoes on that kid! Oh, yeah, that's right...
[David's head was spinning around too fast to concentrate on Ladder Talk]
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: Was when I had with you and your work friends a party.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When I could go so fast over the thistles.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To play Hippo Flip.

Friday, August 29, 2008


Peter loves this shirt, which depicts a baby lion cub on the hunt. He got it from his Aunt Christine. He also loves his 'hunting' hat, which he got from a second-hand shop from an eccentric owner who yodels at anyone entering her store. I'm not sure if there is a connection; my sister is most certainly eccentric, but she does not yodel at strangers. Peter is my little cub, though, and this is the outfit he dons when we go puddle hunting.

Today was day two of my 'working from home' plan. The problem with that is that the word plan implies some kind of organized train of thought, something that is virtually impossible in my house during daylight hours.

At one point I had a conference call with around twenty participants from Japan, China, Germany and India. In the middle of one of my main speaking points, Peter comes barreling into the room screaming 'David threw a book at me!'. It goes without saying that I will not be holding any more conference calls from home.

We went to Grams & Opa's for a great BBQ dinner. Grams had these new plastic stools that rotate. Peter must have been reading too much Curious George lately; he immediately stuck his finger into one of the holes on the stool and got it stuck. Laughter and crying followed, and not necessarily in that order.

My suggestion to 'put butter on it' was ignored, but somehow Peter escaped without losing any fingers. In the aftermath, the word pain came up. Peter, in complete sincerity, stated 'my mommy has a lot of pains'. Yes, she does. And my offer to put butter on her belly was also ignored.
[No ladder talk - both cubs crashed out hard on the way home from Grams & Opa]

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Just hanging

David loves to experience new things. At the zoo today, it was rope burn. I think it ranked right up there with his first 'brain freeze' in terms of being interesting, painful and strangely repeatable. For David, it's more 'once bitten, twice stubborn'.

As of today, I am on half day vacations and half day working from home. Until Nonameyet comes, I will be staying close to home to help Preggy with the kids. Working from home is... well, how should I put this... it's a little like...Get me OUT OF HERE! Send help NOW!

Angie had another checkup today. Our neighbor downstairs watched the boys so I could go with Angie. Angie's normal doctor is on vacation, so we went to his backup. I can only hope that the strategy here was to name a backup that was so kooky that you would never think of switching to him permanently. If so, it worked.

As we left Dr. Weer Doe's office, we took the elevator down. It is a tiny elevator and Angie's belly is, well, not so tiny. By strange luck, the emergency call button is exactly the height where Angie's belly sticks out. Yes, Angie bumped the emergency belly button and called the police, fire department, ambulances, veterinarians and whoever else normally responds to such things. We will never know for sure - we got the hell out of there. For a pregnant woman in her last trimester, Angie can move pretty damn fast when presented with a potentially embarrassing situation.

I am pretty sure that we will be taking the stairs at Angie's next checkup. I know this because, unlike David, Angie is definitely 'once bitten, twice shy'.
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When I went to the zoo and saw the sea lions because I like them.
David: When I tickle go to Mama with helicopter.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When Mama cut my nails.
David: My owa on my elbows.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To play the Hippo Flip.
David: When I go to the helicopter.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Stinky Pete & Dirty Dave

What you can't see in this picture is that Angie is the photographer. What you can see in this picture is that the kids are pointing and laughing for some strange reason. My only explanation for this - pregnant women are just funny.

The boys started out their day by dumping cereal milk down their shirts. Next, they smeared chocolate in each other's hair and tried to spread peanut butter on the cat. After that, they went to the playground and tried to break the world record for collecting sand on their skin. Next on their list of places to get dirty was the Neckar. There they did everyone a favor by removing a bucket of mud from the river, only they did not use a bucket.

Needless to say, the boys needed a good hose-down. Preggy doesn't really fit in the tub with both boys anymore, so I was volunteered. It was fun trying to guess what things were floating up from the deep as the boys soaked away layers of street gunk, playground muck, and general boy sludge. It made me question the purpose of the bath, though, since I definitely needed a shower after that one.

After getting scrubbed clean, the boys went to get their teeth scrubbed as well. David didn't cry at the dentist. He screamed. At least this time he did not bite the dentist. Yes, this really happened last time. I hate dentists, so I sided with David when that happened.

At dinner, Angie had a craving for pickles. After dinner, she had to have ice-cream. With that kind of diet, she better watch it; people are going to start thinking she is pregnant.

After eating, Angie found a torn book. 'Who ripped this book?' she shouted. David said 'I did' in such a nonchalant, I-don't-give-a-shit way that I completely cracked up. David must like hearing me laugh, for he immediately grabbed another book and was ready to rip it to sheds when Angie picked him up by his ear. I found this quite funny as well and continued to laugh. All in all, it was the perfect after dinner show.
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When I went to the playground and I played with Sebastian.
David: When I go with Mama.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When David break that book.
David: When I fall down my elbow.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To go with you to the Neckar and ride motor boats.
David: When Babara come.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Captain Sleepy

It ain't easy being a pirate. All that raiding and looting really tuckers you out. It also ain't easy being Dave. All the destroying and destructing is just exhausting. Put the two together and you get a pretty cool picture. That and a little drool on your pillow. It's ok, though (that's Angie's side of the bed).

Today, Angie took the boys to the water playground down by the river. As usual, Angie met up with half of the city. Mariam showed up with her boys, Meyssam and Elias. Karin showed up with Christoph. Clarice and Dalia also showed up, but they were about nine hours late, so they just missed everyone.

The boys brought their whales to the river. David kept throwing his in the water to splash people. When that didn't work, he filled buckets with water and searched for little kids that looked like they would cry easily.

Peter kept tossing his whale in the mud and asking people what animal it could be. It's still a whale, only now it's covered in mud, genius.

At one point, he started tagging along with the BIG KIDS. Luckily, by this point, he had given up on the muddy whale guessing game. By the end of the day, he knew all of their names. They, on the other hand, just kept calling him the Small One. Well, he may be small, but you should see this kick-ass trick he does with a whale.

When I put the boys to bed, Peter found a spider in bed and FREAKED the freak out. In his defense, it was a big one with long legs and it was perched on his freakin' pillow. It freaked me out, but I remained relatively calm. I explained that spiders are good, but they belong outside. Then I carried the pillow over to the window and let the little creepy crawly crawl out onto the window ledge.

I came back from the window expecting a hero's welcome for saving the day. Instead, I got yelled at by Peter for chucking the spider outside. 'You said spiders are nice, then you throw it outside. That's not nice!' Yeah, sorry about that. Small One.
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When I went with Mommy to the Neckar playground.
David: In the Neckar water.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When Elias go'ed..
David: When Gizma scratch me.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: I want to dress myself as a pirate.
David: When I go and Meyssam come and I say 'hi Meyssam'.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Packing for two

Angie has been in denial lately that the baby is coming. Today she accepted the inevitable and finally packed a suitcase. I don't think she has accepted that the delivery will be coming soon; she has only accepted that a bag needed to be packed. Yes, there is a difference.

At the playground today, David discovered a big pile of poop. Nice. The sandbox is actually just a big litter box for the neighborhood animals. Yuck.

David, on the other hand, found it awesome. He kept burying it and trying to dig it up. We finally gave up and took him home. Of course, we have a cat at home. And a litter box. I smell trouble brewing.

At dinner, David told us that he is 'hungy and drinky'. I can only imagine he meant hungry and thirsty, so I gave him some apple juice and told him to eaty his dinny if he wants any desserty. He just laughed at me. I hate that. Jerky.
[All that playing with cat shit must have tuckered out little David - no Ladder Talk tonight for him]
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When I went to play football with Mama and I saw you.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When David don't let me go on the pillow.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To go to the playground, maybe the big one.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

A shoulder to sleep on

After a hard day of screaming, yelling and breaking shit, there is nothing better than Opa's shoulder. It's a good thing for Opa's shoulder that I don't have more hard days of screaming, yelling and breaking shit.

Angie spent the day washing baby clothes for Nonameyet. David always got Peter's hand-me-downs and now Nonameyet will be inheriting a well-used wardrobe that has somehow survived Peter and David. Some people might think this is not fair for the new kid on the block, but who cares? I mean, look at how much freakin' money we'll be saving by having three boys. Hey, thanks, Y chromosome!

I took the boys to the playground today. There is a fireman's pole on one of the jungle gyms which David is normally afraid of going down alone. Notice the word 'normally' here. The careful placing of foreshadowing that would indicate that today, events did not unfold as 'normal'.

I was sitting on a bench watching the boys play. I saw David heading towards the pole so I started walking over to help out. Today, though, was apparently the day that David's brain told him he should just go for it. Experience has already proven that David does not question his brain once it has spoken.

As you can imagine, David 'slid' down the pole like a sack of potatoes, and let me just say that potatoes are really shitty pole sliders. I ran over and dug my little mashed potato out of the dirt pile he landed in. Instead of crying, he held out his very red hands for me to blow on, which I did. Then he climbed the ladder back up and wanted to jump again. I insisted on helping him this time, something I am sure his spine would thank me for.

After a tough afternoon of bungee jumping without the bungee, David fell asleep on the drive to visit Grams and Opa. Angie was not feeling so great, so she stayed at home to snore. We went to an Indian restaurant where David woke up and spent most of the time playing hide-n-seek outside with Peter. Barbara showed up and we took turns chasing the boys.

At the restaurant, we met another little boy named David. He was Peter's age, but he could whistle. Peter was of course absolutely amazed at Whistling Dave and frustrated that he was not able to blow any tunes yet. So for the rest of the evening, Peter walked around blowing spit and drooling on himself in vain attempts to become Whistling Pete.

As I put the boys to bed, David wanted to slide down the ladder of their bunk bed. My emotions were a bit torn between being proud that he is brave enough to 'jump back on that horse' so quickly and being concerned about his obvious lack of fear and respect for pain. I finally looked up at him, winked, and said 'go for it'.
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When I went with you to Grams & Opa's.
David: I make a new horsie there.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When I couldn't do Ladder Talk in Mama and Papa's bed.
David: When I Gizma scratch me.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To play the lion game since today we don't play that.
David: When I ding-dong go play.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Animals attack innocent bystander

The animals broke out of their cages at dawn and attacked Sebastian, who slept at the zoo last night. It's his own fault. Our kids smell fear like sharks smell blood. It drives them nuts and they immediately go for the throat. Luckily for Sebastian, our little sharkies don't bite; they tickle.

Kate came by for lunch, but she is on this freaky diet where she doesn't eat food, so I had to leave. I snatched up the kids and headed to Burger King where I ate an extra burger just for Kate. She is pregnafied as well, so I am sure her and Angie had lots of swollen-belly stories to exchange.

At Burger King, the main attention grabber was the indoor playground which the boys quickly took over. It did not take them long to scare away the few children playing. Then they began chasing each other in circles and shouting. The screaming and yelling continued as they climbed ladders, swung on ropes and slid down tubes.

At one point, David somehow managed to fall from the top level of the play set. I was quietly sipping a coffee when I heard WHUUUMPFH! I looked over and David had done a complete face-plant on the floor. Luckily, the floors were actually very thick cushioned mats.

Other parents stared at me. I sipped my coffee. David got up and glanced angrily at the floor and then took off chasing Peter again. The other parents stared at me again. I ordered another coffee.

I came home and dumped the kids with Angie so I could go get my hair cut. When I got back, Peter thought it was hilarious to keep calling me a bald eagle over and over again. I don't know where that boy gets his weird sense of humor.

In the afternoon, I created a treasure hunt for the boys. I read the clues to Peter and he was really good at finding the next one. David was really good at ripping up the clues that Peter found, which only pissed Peter off. That, of course, made it that much more fun for David.

After dinner, we had ice-cream instead of ice-pops. Oddly enough, after last night's dessert fiasco, David did not offer Mama any of his ice-cream. I still felt Angie was due some payback from last night, so I huddled the boys together in the kitchen and we hatched 'a plan'.

Peter sat down casually and began licking his ice-cream. After a second or two, he turned and said: 'Mama, my ice-cream smells funny'. As Angie leaned in to smell, Peter shoved the ice-cream up her nose. And then ran. Laughing.

Angie turned to me, visibly pissed. I didn't make eye contact, though. No. I just sipped my coffee.
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When I go'ed with you to the playground and played football there.
David: When I said Mama po-po, not my Papa po-po and I play with my ball and Peter.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When in my head I thought mommy was out and wanted to go and I cried.
David: When I Gizma scratch me.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To play that lion game.
David: When I watch the Little Princess.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Samir and the Chipmunks

It may look like Peter and David somehow managed to super-glue themselves to Samir, but I can assure they did not. I can also assure that this is only because they have not yet discovered where Papa hides the super-glue.

I came home from work to find that Samir stopped by to visit. As always, he brought along quiz questions for Angie. Other than sniffing glue, clubbing seals, and recreational streaking, Angie's absolute passion is The Quiz.

For those non-addicts out there, The Quiz is a weekly trivia night normally held in an Irish pub, played in teams of four to six people for shitty prizes.

Since moving to the prego-side of life, Angie has stopped going to The Quiz. Samir is the trivia dealer that stops by to calm her jitters with a quick fix of questions every now and then.

After baths and dinner, I broke out ice-pops for the boys. Peter got purple, David got red. No big surprise there. Angie must have really turned on her puppy look, for David held out his ice-pop and offered her a bite. Before David could blink, CHOMP! Half of his ice-pop was gone. Angie mumbled something that sounded vaguely like 'thank you', but with both cheeks full of frozen ice, it came across somewhat mumbled.

At first, I think David thought it was just some cool magic trick. After a few seconds, though, when Mama did not make his ice-pop reappear, his look of awe and wonder faded into one of upset realization as it dawned on him that Mama had just sucked down more than half of his precious dessert. He looked slowly back and forth from Mama's red-stained mouth to the tiny stub that used to be his ice-pop. Needless to say, he cried. A lot.

Thanks, honey. After David cries himself to sleep, maybe I can ask you the quiz questions. Here's one, just off the top of my head - how many times do you think a two year old will continue to share his shit if he is traumatized each time he does?

1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When I saw you with Sebastian.
David: When I play with Sebastian.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When I got that shampoo in my hair.
David: When I poopie.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To go somewhere with you where no one is and play football.
David: To I play game with you again - Hippo Plip.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Sir Elton John(son)

David the Rockstar, age 2. Instead of alcohol, it's Kool-Aid. It's his finger, not cocaine, that's going up his nose. He does not yet rebel against his parents; he actually thinks they're pretty cool. Well, at least Papa.

I came home to a laundry list of chores to do. One of them was to replace a broken lightbulb in one of our bedroom lamps. No problem - even I could do this. I went to our lightbulb drawer, got out a replacement and managed not to electrocute myself while swapping out the old bulb. I flipped the switch. Nothing. Shit.

My first reaction was to call Opa, but then I opted for just a tad more troubleshooting. I took the new bulb and tried it in another lamp. It worked. My mind raced into overdrive and told me this would indicate that the bulb was not the source of the problem. My logical thinking skills kicked in and I narrowed the problem down to the lamp itself. That tricky bastard.

Now, armed with the knowledge that the lamp, not the bulb, was at the core of the problem, I tried to take it one step further. At this point I had to sit down on the bed since prolonged thinking makes me lightheaded. As I sat down, my foot kicked the cord to the lamp. To make a dumb story stupid, the lamp was not plugged in.

And the morale of this story: if your wife asks you to do anything, just laugh at her.

My next 'chore' was to go play with the kids. In Mom-talk, that translates to 'the monsters have been driving me freakin' mad all day - it's your turn, since you have obviously had nothing but fun at work today. I don't care what you do with them as long as it is not within earshot of the house. Bye.'

Before leaving, I noticed teeth marks on David's hand. Despite knowing better, I asked. I guess at some point during the day, David pulled Peter's hair. In the traditional 'a head for an eye', Peter retaliated by trying to eat David's hand. I told Angie that feeding Peter more at lunch might avoid that in the future. Her only response was the stare and I suddenly had the feeling that Angie might bite me, so I left.

We went to the playground where I invented a new game where I pelted the boys in the head with their rolled up socks. I found it fun. They found it fun. Some of the other moms at the playground may be having a few words with Angie next time they see her.

As I tucked the kids into bed, I flipped the switch on their globe night-light. It came on without a problem and I had to smile. If only my normal 'chores' were always as simple as plugging shit in and playing with the kids.
[David was too tired to make it on the ladder tonight]
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When I went to the playground with the new game - the one where you throw socks.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When David pulled my hair and I bit him on the hand and then Mama yell at me.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To go to the playground and play that game again.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Crossing the Alps

Little Hannibal got up this morning and decided to wake up Mama by whacking her in the face with a book. The title of that book was - no shit - 'Thanks, Mom'.

If no surveys have been done to investigate pregnant women in their last trimester and increases in key-related problems, someone should conduct one. For the second time this week, I got a key call from Angie at work.

'Where are the house keys?'

Jesus, not again,
I thought. It was like groundhog day all over again.

It turned out she was not locked out of anywhere this time. Bravo. No this time, she was in the house and wanting to leave. To make a short story long, it was my fault. I somehow managed to hide the keys in the 'key drawer' where we normally keep our keys. My plan worked - I knew she would never look there.

Angie went to get acupuncture for preggies today. I guess something about having a belly stretched to the absolute breaking point makes people want to poke you with needles. Angie did not explode, which is good because that is exactly the type of thing that will kill your Wednesday.

Grams came over and took David shopping. Actually, Grams went shopping; David slept. To even out things, Angie took Peter shopping in the evening when I got home from work and left David with me. I might add that nobody at any point offered to take me shopping. Thanks, Mom.
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When I went with Mama to the store and bought with Ms. Beth - Leggo things and Nemo snacks.
David: When Grams play with me aminals.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When I wanted to go to the toilet and David shut the door so hard he could on my nose and my foot. I just wanted to go in and he slammed the door on my foot so badly it hurt.
David: When Gizma scratch me.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To go with you to our playground.
David: When I Papa moma sage.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

David Kong

When I came home from work today I asked Angie how her day was. 'Long. Loud. Wild.' I can imagine; this picture was taken at lunchtime and David was already climbing up the walls.

Kika stopped by to babysit Angie today and they decided to take the boys to the toy store. I had the car, so eight legs hit the pavement for the hike.

The journey started with David whining that he did not want to walk. Not only that, the tiny prince demanded to be carried down the stairs in the stroller. Welcome to disappointment, David.

At the store, Angie bought a new Capt'n Sharky CD for the car. Since this has proven to be an effective way of keeping their yaps shut in the car, I found this to be a sensible purchase.

Next on Angie's shopping list was a policeman's costume. In hindsight, this was probably one of Angie's 'looks great on paper' ideas. The outfit included a police cap, handcuffs, a whistle, a nightstick, and a hand-held red stop sign. If you have been reading any of the stories about my boys, you will not be surprised by the chaos that followed these purchases.

As soon as the boys made it back home, they ripped open the bag from the toy store. Peter put on the police cap and began blowing the whistle as loudly as possible as David handcuffed himself to a chair. When Peter came to the rescue, David whipped out the nightstick and started beating Peter on the head and feet, Rodney King style. Angie was left holding the red STOP sign, which did very little good at that point.

I came home and was greeted by Karin and Christoph, who had stopped by to get arrested and beaten by the Johnson PD. They used my arrival as a convenient excuse to escape and got the hell out of Dodge.

The night ended in a total Peter meltdown. Exactly eight days ago, his stuffed bunny went missing. Although upset, we did have a replacement bunny that worked temporarily. The key word here being temporarily. Tonight was apparently his self-defined deadline for us to find his bunny.

He asked where it was. We explained that we had not yet found it. Then all hell broke loose. Sobs, Snot and Tears might be a cool title for a jazz rock band, but tonight that band was Peter and his record was stuck on a little tune called 'Bring Back My Bunny'.

The bunny episode finally passed, but it left Angie and me with an awareness of how Peter reacts to us replacing his loved possessions. If he ever gets a turtle for a pet and Angie accidentally flushes it down the toilet, we definitely will not try sneaking in a 'replacement' turtle. Or if we do, we won't do the switch-a-pet for any longer than eight days.
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When I read the blog with you.
David: When Baba.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When we can't find my old bunny.
David: When Gizma scratch me. [Side note: for anyone wondering, our cat is not some monster that scratches David every day. He got one tiny scratch many months ago. This trauma has obviously stayed with him and continues to be his worst part of the day, every day]

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: I want to go to the zoo.
David: When I get Ladder Talk with Mama.

David's Typical Day

David started this tradition months ago when our cat, Gizma, accidentally scratched him. This traumatic experience has obviously stuck with him and he now relives the moment in daily episodes of 'What was the worst part of your day?' Check out the story to see the first time it really happened.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Has anyone seen the castle?

Today started out early, which is just a fancy way of saying 'why can't you just let me SLEEP?' Another way of describing early would be to say that Peter woke up at 1:00 AM and stayed awake for the next four hours coughing, crying and whining about how tired he was. I felt bad for the first two, since they were clearly out of his control. I'm still scratching my head about the last one, though.

At work today, Angie called shortly before lunch. 'Do you have keys?' Mmm. That was a very interesting question. Being the modern day Sherlock Holmes that I am, I started to analyze that little puzzler. Wisely, I chose to do this before answering.

Knowing that Angie does not call me up every day and ask if I have my keys, I could immediately rule out some strange form of small talk.

Picking up on the slight undertone of irritation, I could tell she was mad at someone or something. Since I had done nothing that I know of to piss her off, I should have been able to rule myself out. But I know Angie. Me not being aware of having done something to upset her did not automatically mean she was not mad at me. I would have to come back to that one.

'I asked if you have keys.'

My strategy of silence paid off. The second time around I picked up on a tiny bit of embarrassment. Hey, wait a minute... oh, this was going to be so good. I turned on my innocent voice.

'Yes, I have keys. Why? You didn't lock yourself out, did you?'

Now it was her turn for silence. I was just trying not to crack up.


Short. To the point. In that one little word were several implied orders. Stop Laughing. Get in the car. Come pick me up. Bring your keys. Do not laugh at me when you hand me your keys.

I got the message silent and clear. I drove to meet Angie at - where else? - IKEA. Funny how she does not lock her credit card out. Or not funny, if you look at it through my eyes. We had lunch together and as I left, I casually and silently placed the keys on the table, kissed her goodbye and walked away, avoiding the burning urge to mumble 'Key Master' or some other cute pet name. Love is...holding your laughter until you are around the corner and safely out of earshot of your red-faced sweetie-pie.

I came home and took the boys for a bike ride. My bike does not have a child seat, so I took Angie's. Murphy's law clearly took over and ensured that Angie's bike tire was flat. Murphy also found it necessary to guarantee that simply pumping it up would not do. Our bike ride turned into a trip to the bike shop to buy a new valve for the tire so it would hold air. Thanks a lot, Murphy - you bastard.

We finally got going and stopped at the old bridge for this nice shot. I turned to see what David was pointing at and could only see a young blond jogging by. Man! He's starting early.

Speaking of early, Angie counted 4 contractions today. Nonameyet is getting a little eager. He's probably just angry that we haven't named him yet. After the doctor slaps him, I am sure he will turn around and slap Angie and me for waiting so long. After today, maybe Key-th would be a fitting name.
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: I like best when I go bike riding with you.
David: When Peter Baba-da-baba

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When the wheel was flat by Mama's bike.
David: When Gizma scratch me.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: I want to go to a place where nobody is and take David and you and me.
David: When come Sami.

see related cartoon

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Snap, Crackle, Pop-Pop

Peter had just finished a big bowl of cereal when my Dad, also known as 'Pop-Pop', skyped us. With breakfast fresh on my mind, I could only think of the Rice Krispie's mascots Snap, Crackle and Pop, although I don't remember Pop ever looking quite so scraggly. In Cartoonland, though, I am sure they are able to touch up even the roughest of characters. My Dad even mentioned that he needed a shave, but I reassured him that it did not matter. He looked like shit for so many other reasons; a shave would have only chipped the iceberg.

It was nice catching up with him, but Peter's attention span is shorter than a mini-skirt from the 60s. I tried getting him back to the webcam to at least say goodbye, but he ran off screaming something like 'yeah say bye to ice-pop for me'. Yes, the name Pop-Pop can be funny in so many ways. So can Pop-Pop, but this blog is not rated for those stories.

Today's plan for tuckering out the energy hounds was to go attack a nearby castle. We drove up the Neckar river for about 30 minutes to a nice little castle called Dillsberg.

As you can see, David found the castle a bit boring before we even got started. Peter on the other hand - well, I think the vein popping to the right more or less describes his level of excitement.

The castle was awesome. Peter's highlight was going through a tunnel built for midgets and not getting attacked by spiders. Another cool interest was a deep well that Peter wanted to jump in. Being the responsible adult that I am, I said no. It did look like fun, though.

About the time we were leaving the castle, David woke up and wanted ice-cream. Badly. He must have been dreaming about it. That, or maybe he had been dreaming about ice-Pop's Skype call earlier. I went with the option that would shut up David the quickest - ice cream.

We left the castle and went on search of an ice-cream. I was able to convince the kids that a milkshake would be even better. They agreed, so we went to a cool diner fashioned out of an old train car.

Being the incredibly smart father I am, I knew better than to order two milkshakes. I order one and used my huge brain yet again to request two straws. All that strenuous thinking made me hungry, so I ordered one more milkshake for me.

To picture to the left is about five seconds before their first joint brain freeze. To the right is the goofy aftermath of chugging milk with mass amounts of sugar in a very short amount of time.

What you don't see in this picture is that these seats actually rotate. That is, of course, until a grumpy waitress comes up and yells at you for doing 300 spins a minute. Why make the chairs spin if you can't spin them? Oh I know - it's so bitchy waitresses can yell at little kids and lose the big fat tips their fathers would have given had they just been human.

We made it back in time for dinner with Grams & Opa, who came over bringing food. Greek food, to be specific. It was delicious and Peter enjoyed a great dessert of Hanuta with a side order of story reading in Opa's lap.

As I was putting Peter to bed, he thought back to the morning call with my dad. I told him I was going to write about the ice-pop comment and he got nervous. 'Do you think he will get mad?' I laughed. 'No, Peter, he will not get mad. His skin is pretty tough and I don't think he knows how to read anyway.'
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When I talk to ice-Pop and then later when I had a milkshake.
David: When I play aminals with Grams and play cars.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When I went to the castle and there was two tunnels and I thought there were spiders and got scared.
David: When I went hubba-bubba-hubba.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To go with my bike and David on Mama's bike and we can go somewhere where it is a good spot to ride bikes and go around and around.
David: When Sami Salami come.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

Yes, I love myself. I also love my boys. Combine that with my love of mirrors and this picture pretty much explains itself.

Angie is slowly returning to the land of the non-sick, but she was still not up to sunlight so I took the boys out for the day.

First on our list was the post office. Angie had ordered a dress that was - get this - too big. I can only write this and live because she is pregnant. Imagine the implication if she were not pregnafied at the moment.

The highlight of this trip was the fact that David had to walk on his own the whole way there and back. He is in a crash-course for walking on his own, since we will soon need his stroller for a smaller and louder thing, which should be coming soon.

I think Angie has been kept indoors for too many days. Her gossip meter was at an all-time low today. Today was also the day that 'new' neighbors moved in upstairs. We did not see anyone, but there are moving boxes downstairs and we heard the steps in the stairwell creaking all day. She was not feeling up to going out and greeting our new neighbors, so it was really driving her nuts. I know, short trip.

At lunch, David wanted to play like a dog. I just wanted him to eat his damn food, so I decided to oblige him. That is until the innocent little puppy turned into a vicious vampire who bit his blood-sucking fangs into my finger. Incredibly, baby Dracula was able to laugh while keeping his dental death grip on my throbbing digit. I have to admit - if that had happened to Angie, I would have fallen out of my seat laughing like a drunk hyena. I am not Angie, though; I almost dumped my water on Angie when it looked like she might smirk.

After lunch we went to the local candy store. This is no ordinary candy store. As you walk up, you see an old-fashioned dentist chair in the window with a life-like mannequin getting drilled on. If this does not deter you, you enter. The owner is rather eccentric in a I-may-be-spooky-but-I-promise-not-to-kill-you kind of way. He has some crazy hair growing off of his chin and he insists on talking to each guest and playing a game with everyone before gracing them with the honor of paying. It was no wonder that there was a 45 minute wait for what turned out to be a tiny bag of gummy bears.

David couldn't make it and passed out right before it was our turn to 'order' the candy. Peter walked up and down the huge wall of candy and pointed at one jar after another. The candy-man's wife kept pace and filled the paper bag until I said 'stop'. Then we had another 20 minute wait to actually pay for the sugar bag.

When we got to the register, the owner insisted on getting a stool for Peter to stand on. That done, Peter was presented with a large can with oversize dice. Peter gambled with the man on a higher-lower game of dice and won. Our prize was three lollipops and the ability to finally pay. The candy is not spectacular, but that is not why people wait in line. It is the whole experience that makes the hour-long candy excursion worthwhile. Thanks, crazy candy man.

After getting doped up on sugar, I needed a quick way to bring the kids down off of their buzz. A nearby playground did the trick. Soccer, swings and two-story slides evened out the adrenaline levels enough to bring them back home for dinner.

At dinner, we had a nice salad with cucumber chunks in it. David looked like he was interested in them, so I picked up a piece and asked him if wanted on. He nodded and opened his mouth. I shook my head and said perhaps a little too loudly 'hell no'.
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When we had to go to the candy store.
David: When I cuddled mit mommy.
Papa: When I got a chance to talk to my mom and wish her a happy birthday!

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When I can't have any candy anymore.
David: When I swing and fall down.
Papa: When I realized that I had forgotten my mom's birthday yesterday - sorry!

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To go with you and play football again.
David: When I lese ein book when Opa come. And Grams.

Friday, August 15, 2008


Peter is getting sick now, too. He was coughing last night so I crawled into bed with him to snuggle. When David woke up this morning in our bed, he did not ask 'where's Papa?'. No, his only selfish concern was 'where is my pillow?'. See, my pillow somehow transforms into his pillow when he sleeps in our bed. Thanks for your overwhelming concern and worry over my whereabouts, Davey.

Barb came over twice today to help out with the kids. The first time was when I took Peter to the last day of his swim course. Angie was still sick, so someone was needed to watch David. Barbara volunteered, which was nice. In typical Barb style, she showed up 55 minutes after I left with Peter for his course. His course is only an hour, but David enjoyed the 5 minutes. Thanks, Barb.

In the afternoon, Peter started coughing again, so I took the boys to the doctor. Cough syrup was the strongest thing we could get, but it will hopefully do the trick.

Barb came again in the evening to play with the kids. Again in typical Barb style, she showed up ten minutes after their normal bedtime 'lights out'. It's ok, though, because she bought candy and toys and all kind of shit that was sure to wake them back up. Thanks again, Barb.

One of the sleep deprivation devices was this SpongeBob float to celebrate Peter's successful completion of his swim course. He was only successful in completing the course; he still cannot swim, so the float turned out to be quite practical. The kids immediately had to have this blown up. After that, the only logical next step was to fight over it, which the boys did for about ten minutes until Papa made the NEW RULE that the float was only for in the pool.

After double-checking that the boys were wound up enough, Barb left to go party in the city. I wished her a pleasant hangover and went to tackle bedtime with the boys. It was not easy, but in the end I made it out alive. As I was leaving their room, David stopped me and pointed to Peter's bed. 'My pillow, Papa. That is MY pillow.'
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When I get that swim circle from Barbara.
David: When Babara come out.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When it is too late now.
David: When Peter go swimming.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To go with you playing that game with the lion.
David: I want Peter come play with me.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Slam Dunk

Here is Peter, full of pride and ready to GO SWIM! Seconds later, he goes down the steps and somehow manages to completely dunk himself under water. The instructor rushed over and yanked him out coughing, spitting and crying. That was the beginning of the end of his swimming career.

After the pool trauma, Peter felt that he deserved a milkshake at Burger King. It was more like a demand, so who was I to resist?

We got to Burger King and I felt like the freak bus must have just pulled up before we got there. The place was full of some pretty weird weirdos and it wasn't only the staff.

Angie was still sick, so I had taken off of work to help take care of the ankle-biters. After Burger King, I picked up David and we all went to the zoo.

When we were by the lion cages, one lion started roaring loudly over and over. David asked me why and I told them it was probably just hungry. For the rest of the day, David went around telling anyone who would listen 'The lions are hungry'. Without the the background context, though, they probably thought he was James Bond, Jr. passing some secret cryptic message. The lions are hungry. And mama is wearing a red shoe.

As we passed the camels, Peter broke into a shouting rendition of a new song he has recently learned. 'SALLY THE CAMEL HAS...TWO HUMPS! SALLY THE CAMEL HAS...TWO HUMPS!!' I would really like to find the person that taught him that song so that I can personally thank him or her. If you are reading, please meet me in the dark alley behind the train station tomorrow night. Come alone.
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When I go'ed with you to the pool.
David: When I lay with my mama.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When I go'ed under water.
David: When I laid owa fall down.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To go with you to the swimming pool.
David: I play aminals and I have cassette.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Bucket Heads

What is even cuter than this picture is the following two minutes. David's bucket slipped down over his eyes and his head became totally stuck. He panicked and began running around like a chicken with it's head cut off. It must have been a possessed chicken, since even without a head, it was able to scream like a little girl. The screaming stopped and my laughing started when David ran full force into our shoe closet. And who said buckets can't be funny?

Grams and Opa came over today to help Angie with the boys. For Peter's third day of swim class, it was Grams, Opa, Peter and David. I can only imagine how David reacted to not being able to get in the pool with his brother. Man, I am so glad I was at work for that one.

I came back from work and took the boys to the playground, where Peter and I met a real jackhole. His daughter had obviously learned her manners from jerko-dad. Peter tried talking to them and he was being so nice, but they completely ignored him and did not answer his questions. I told Peter to ignore them and explained what the A in antisocial stood for.

As I put the boys to bed, Peter asked why it is ok to be naked in the bathtub, but not in a swimming pool. Jesus! What's next - why do you park on a driveway, but drive on a parkway? I tried to explain, but I'll be damned if his questions aren't getting harder. I hope there is not a quiz when he turns 18 because I will be screwed.

Peter fell asleep easily, but David was somehow restless and really fighting the whole bedtime routine. It was getting pretty late, so I finally had to resort to threats. If you don't lay down right now, I'm going to go and get the bucket!
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When I went to the playground and when we come back up and my mommy was feeling better.
David: When I play aminals.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When I couldn't see you today because you was by work.
David: When Gizma scratch me.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To go with you to play a game outside on the playground.
David: When I play pirates.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Puddle Hunters

Donned in rubber boots, rubber pants, and rubber coats with rubber hoods, Peter and David were ready to go kill some puddles. Before starting our version of Full Rubber Jacket, I sat them down on the steps and told them to give me two thumbs up and shout 'right on!'. As you can see, David thinks his index finger resembles a thumb. I like this picture because it captures David's fascination with his BIG brother. After a minute or so of watching Peter, David was able to give me the thumbs up symbol. I am sure as they get older, Peter will also teach him signs that can be made using other fingers.

Angie was still sick, so Grams & Opa came over and brought chicken soup, just without the soup. Angie stayed in bed as the boys devoured their roasted chickens. I slid a plate of chicken and fries under the door and heard chewing noises, so at least I knew Angie was eating.

After dinner, Opa began making duck noises, which the boys found to be hilarious. Not that that means anything - they also laugh at our plants sometimes - but Opa Duck was pretty funny and the boys enjoyed the show.

As we got ready for bed, Peter informed me that he was now ready to get showers and not baths. I guess the puddle hunting excursion and getting rained on was enough to build his confidence for showering. I told him that was great and that we would try it soon. And, of course, I gave him two thumbs up.
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When I go'ed to the swimming pool and when Grams & Opa come over.
David: When Opa make ducky ducky.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When I went to the swimming pool and the lady wanted me to stand and jump in and I didn't want to jump in the pool. But she made me.
David: When I bonk my head - owa, schmowa.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: I want to sing owa-schmowa.
David: Ladder Talk with you.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Ready, set, swim!

Peter started his swimming course today. It is a week long course to prove that children float. I could do the same in two minutes - just give me a big body of water and make sure Angie is not around for a few minutes.

You may notice a slight reduction in the quality of pictures for the next few days. My camera is broken and I am using my cell phone camera until it gets fixed.

Angie has been sick as a dog and you know how sick dogs can be. She's barking. Loudly.

Mary and Ruaidhri stopped by from Ireland today, which was nice. The boys had a ball but it will be quite a few years before they can spell his name - it´s pronounced Rory. It has been over three years and since Ruaidhri is three, he has changed slightly since the last time we saw him.

Peter told me at one point today that he wanted to be a bus driver when he grows up. I immediately checked his temperature, afraid that he might be catching what Angie has.

There was no sign of fever, so I guess we need to rent a few Honeymooners episodes and let Peter learn from the great Ralph Kramden. To the moon, Mama! There are many career choices ahead of Peter and it may be that bus driver is one of them. After today's swimming lesson, I think we can safely rule out Olympic swimmer.
[David conked out before reaching Ladder Talk]

1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When I go to the pool and when I play with Ruaidhri.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When David kicked me and hit me.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: When I go to the swim course with Mama.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Splish Splashy

You might think that the bottle of Lysol in the background is a prop put there by Angie to get readers to think that we actually clean. No, Peter was just that dirty :-)

You'll notice a missing entry for Saturday. This was Karin and Lutz's wedding and by the end of the night, let me just say I was not in any condition to write.

The wedding was really great. We strategically planned physical activities for the boys for several hours before the ceremony to ensure David would be napping when we were in the church. Large open spaces create echoes which apparently anger little David. He tends to yell and scream back at his own voice increasingly until he passes out or we take him outside.

Our master plan worked and David slept through most of the ceremony. He woke up at the end, just in time to help throw flowers at the bride. Most of the other children were throwing the petals down in front of the bride and groom as they left the church - David, however, tried his hardest to pelt the happy couple in the head. Luckily, his aim was not on. Peter was absolutely great during the entire ceremony. At one point, we did have to play a silent game of paper, scissors, rock to keep him entertained. Yes, the game was for him, not me. But I won, so ha.

The reception was also great. Super weather, great atmosphere, and of course free beer. The kids ran around feeding goats, petting ponies and practicing archery. Yes, archery. It was supervised, but drinking and archery? Peter got to shoot a few arrows and managed not to kill anything, so it was fun for everyone.

Dinner was excellent and the many games that Angie and Kika organized kept everyone entertained. At one point, Peter decided to join in for a game of musical chairs, with a twist. Instead of grabbing a chair when the music stopped, everyone had a task to perform and then they had to race back to their seat. The first task was to find a woman's left shoe. At this point, everyone playing jumped up and began frantically racing about - except Peter. He was obviously not expecting such a comotion and began freaking out. In the end, everyone had returned to their chair waving a woman's shoe except Peter, who was shaking and crying. Perhaps we should have explained that game to him first.

After putting the kids to bed, I spent the remaining hours of the night ensuring that the early hours of the next day would be as painful as possible. Dark sunglasses, aspirin, coffee and earplugs could describe a few remedies to my condition the following morning. The boys, on the other hand, woke up in a happy mood. Angie and David slept nose to nose and both opened their eyes at the same time. Angie said 'Good morning', to which David replied 'I love you, too'. David is alway good at getting to the meaning behind the words.

The drive home was much better, traffic-wise. We made it home in just under five hours and promptly chucked the animals in the bath to get hosed down. As you can see, Peter seemed to enjoy this. His smile quickly faded when I asked him if he could run and get me one of Mama's left shoes.
[David refused to sit long enough for Ladder Talk today]
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When we woke up and were sleeping at the hotel.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When David said 'Peter got pinched, Peter go pinched'.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To go with you to the playground.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Spelunker this!

Some people might look at this picture and think I am prematurely preparing our young hooligans for a life of street living. Believe me; this has crossed my mind on several occasions.

Others might see this as an early introduction to boxing, although by now both of my boys have the basic understanding of ducking and jabbing. Trust me.

For Peter and David, this was simply a morning exploration of the new caves that Papa built using a few leftover boxes from the move and an incredible wit and intellect that would make Einstein jealous. ‘Eee ekwals emcee skwared’ – ooh, real brain-breaking stuff, geniac. Sounds more like one notch above ga-ga goo-goo, if you ask me, which you didn’t, and you can see how much that has affected my caring level. Braniac, schmaniac.

I started the spelunkering adventure out of an urgent need to keep the boys preoccupied while Angie and I packed and got ready for our trip. We were going away for the weekend to attend a friend’s wedding. Or was it a funeral? Shit, I get those confused all the time.

One is when your pain and suffering ends one day and you enjoy ever-lasting happiness; the other is when you enjoy one happy day and then have ever-lasting pain and suffering. Ok, I am not good with details, but I know for sure that at the hotel, there is no sofa to which I could be kicked.

The ride itself was hell. For me, for Angie, for the boys, and for the ten gazillion truckers stuck in traffic who were forced to honk their horns every time Peter made his ‘honking’ sign. It was cute, say, for the first five hours.

After being stuck in the car for seven hours, let me just put it mildly and say the boys were slightly wound up.

Picture a champagne bottle that has been juggled for an hour by an angry clown. I know, they are all angry, but in my book, they have every right to be. Then imagine that pissed off clown, who may have been drinking just a little, throwing that bottle as hard as he could, thinking for some reason that the bottle was a boomerang. Nearby, some recovering hard-core junkie in the withdrawal stages of rehab happens to catch the bottle as he is practicing to break the world’s record for pogo jumping on a trampoline. In the words of another famous junkie, ‘I’m all shook up, uh-huh’. Thanks, Elvis.

We got to our final destination just at the moment when pogo-jumping freak-boy was developing a bad case of the jitters. The new electronic-sliding doors of our family van opened and two very pumped up midgets hit the pavement running. If you could harness that energy, I am quite certain that nuclear power would no longer be needed.

We hadn't eaten dinner, but Karin's Mom was nice enough to invite us over for original Thüringer bratwurst sandwiches. They were delicious, but Christoph had just fallen asleep and our boys were starting to literally bounce against the walls, so I took them out to a nearby energy park to let them burn.

Hotel La Goat was nice, in an oh-my-god-even-my-college-years-weren’t-this-bad kind of way. The boys didn’t seem to mind, though. After going to the kitchen and asking for a spatula, I was able to scrap them off of the ceiling long enough to get them tucked into their temporary beds.

As I finish writing this, they are snoring away in their strange beds. By ‘they’, I of course mean Angie. It may very well be that the other two beauties are snoring, but there is absolutely no way of confirming this. It would be like asking if the noise you hear is the Boeing 747 parked in your bedroom or the two portable fans in the other room. I should probably repeat – there is no sofa to which I could be kicked.


1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When I go'ed with you to the playground and when I had some multivitamin.
David: When I stay with Peter and the elbow song.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When we don't brought the football to play - I can't kick.
David: I not want Ladder Talk - I want to sleep.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To go to Karin and Christoph and Lutz to their house but actually we are going to their wedding.
David: No - yes. Wedding.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

The PeDa Mobile

I thought it would be funny to superglue magnets to Peter and David's hands and back and then ask them to stand next to our new car. It was.

Our new car is a Peugeot 807. David loves it because of the Peugeot logo - 'I like lion'. The only thing that could have made it better would be if we had gotten it in red. Peter loves it because he no longer has to stick his legs behind his head to fit in his car seat. Angie is happy because now IKEA runs will be all that much easier. I dig it the most because of the extra space. Did you SEE the back?? Do you realize how many kegs will fit back there!

The boys picked me up at the train station today. We went to our local Chinese restaurant which has a big aquarium. The boys love it but never seem to eat because they are so worried that they will not bang on the glass and scare the shit out of the fish enough if they waste any time eating.

David's new game is called 'dragon'. This is a fun one. He is unable to make any noises that remotely sound like a dragon, fire, or breathing. Instead of your typical 'fire-breathing dragon', David's is a 'spitting dragon who laughs its ass off after spraying you with David spittle'. He sticks his tongue out and seconds later it's like you are sitting front row at a Gallagher show during the Sledge-O-Matic routine. Yuck.

We picked up the new car after dinner. Within 2 minutes, the boys had almost broken one of the sun screens and David came damn close to shutting the sliding door on himself. The car dealer started to break out into a sweat and his eye started twitching - and not the funny kind of twitching. This told me two things. First, he does not have children. Second, we needed to go.

On the way home, the boys wanted to stop for a milkshake. Yeah, ok, sure. Why don't I just give you guys a couple jugs of oil to juggle over the new seats? Destructo Dave was still determined to make his mark on the car, though. More specifically, it was the back of Angie's seat. As we turned down our street, I heard him scream 'I a dragon, Papa'. Yuck.
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When I go'ed to the train station and saw you. That was the best part.
David: When I saw Koko look what I can.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When I got cough.
David: When I saugi and Peter.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To go to the Marie and Sebastian downstairs.
David: I like Lion King.

Sweet Dreams

It all started with an itsy bitsy spider.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

The Itsy Bitsy Spider

At first glance, it may go unnoticed that there is a spider in Peter's hand.

A more subtle oddity is the dinosaur, which is strangely hanging upside down on the drawer handle in the background.

Even more subtle is the fact that David is secretly hiding crayons behind his back. A green and blue one, to be specific. Oddly enough, those are also the same colors of two new and rather mysterious markings on one of our nice white pillows. This picture is proof that David is not only planning his mischievious activities in advance, but that he also knows he should not be doing them. We will be setting up surveillance cameras in the boys' room next week.

Grams was over today to watch the boys while Angie and I went to get more pregger pics. I think these things look a little like ink blot tests sometimes. What do you see in this picture? I see a little butterfly who was NOT ALLOWED TO EAT SUGAR-COATED CEREAL AS A CHILD!

The doctor politely insisted that he was not that type of doctor and asked me repeatedly to get off of his sofa. Something about how his hand kept wandering to a little red button under his desk made me finally get up and leave. At least Nonameyet is doing just fine.

After work, I took the boys to the playground, where soccer ball turned into dodge ball. At one point, Peter snuck up on me and smashed me square in the face at point blank range. I mean, he really nailed me hard. I was so proud. My nose needed a little break, though, so we opted for a little brotherly squeeze-n-slide.

The weather was great, so we BBQ'd on the balcony and enjoyed some fresh corn on the cob. I had the camera out and was taking some pictures of the boys. After putting the camera down, I looked at Angie, who had corn smeared all over her cheeks, forehead and hair. I laughed, of course, and told her she might want to hose herself down after feeding.

She immediately panicked. 'Did you take a picture of me?' See, since starting this blog, she has somehow become paranoid that I will use pictures of her to embarrass her. No, of course not. Pictures aren't the only way.
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When I go'ed with you to football play.
David: When I play mit you and my balloon.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When I almost go'ed in my pants.
David: When owa-schmowa

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To go with you downstairs and play football with you and Marie.
David: [David's attention span has left the building.]

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