Tuesday, May 17, 2016

So, how was your day, Butter Buns?

'So, how was your day, Butter Buns?'

'Well, I thought since it's the first day of the school break that I could sleep in, but NOOO. I had to leave at 8:30 this morning to take Tommy to training at 9:00 for THREE hours! And, by the way, that's the same schedule for every day this week. Did I mention that already? Yeah! Then, after I dropped Tommy off, I went into school to prepare a budget request for next year. While I was there, Peter was supposed to get a haircut at 11:00 but somehow managed to leave the house without any money and without his keys. Luckily he had his cell phone and tried calling me several times. I didn't see this until 11:05, though, when I was leaving the school to pick up Tommy. I thought I would have plenty of time to watch the end of Tommy's training until I saw that I had had six missed calls from Peter including one text message that said "HELP!". I called and calmed him down and told him to get his hair cut and I would meet him there with money before I picked up Tommy at 12:00. I then raced back home and thought I would take my bike to the barber shop to save time, but I could not find it anywhere. So then I ran all the way over there. No Peter. Of course not, right? So I asked Florin where Peter was and he told me that David had just picked him up. And I was like "What!! David was supposed to be waiting at the bus station to be picked up at 11:00 for a birthday party!! And he doesn't have keys either!". I then went to pay and realized that I only had ten euros on me and the haircut had cost twelve euros. I explained to Florin that I would be back to pay him later. He told me to just forget about it, but I assured him that I would be back. Then I raced back home and found Peter and David on the steps almost ready to cry. David explained that he had waited and waited and the dad that was supposed to pick him up never came. Then I looked at my phone and saw that I had several missed phone calls from the dad. I called him back and he explained that he had waited and waited and David had never showed up. See, I had told his friend's mom that David would be waiting at the first bus station after the Congress Hall. The mom had understood that to mean the first bus station after the bus station called Congress Hall and had told the dad to wait at the Marstall bus station. Anyway, the dad at that point was about halfway to their house, which is about 40 minutes away. He then turned around and picked up David. Before walking to the bus station with David to make sure he actually got picked up, I gave Peter the missing money for his haircut and told him to go pay it. I also gave him my keys and suggested strongly that he not forget my keys in the house. David got picked up and I took off to get Tommy at 12:00 and picked up two of his friends who were coming over for a play date. I dropped them off in the garden and told them that I was running to the store around the corner to get something for lunch and would be right back. When I came back, the kids were not in the garden, but the garden hose was on full blast and flooding the sidewalk next to our cellar, which was probably also getting wet. I turned it off and stormed upstairs to find one of Tommy's friends soaking wet from his head to his feet and giggling. Tommy wasn't wet, but he was covered in mud and also giggling. I cleaned up that mess, got them fed and then sat for a moment thinking about where my bike could be. Then I remembered that I had taken it last night to Johnny Mac's pub quiz and then walked home with Paula. So then I went to pick up my bike from the pub and found that someone had kicked the basket and bent the railing. So I drove home and spent a good twenty minutes unbending metal. Then I came upstairs to find that Tommy had spilled soda all over his gymnastics outfit, which he needs again tomorrow morning. So then it was laundry time. Oh yeah, I also mopped the floors, don't they look great? It was about that point that Peter suddenly "remembered" that he had a geography report due after the break, but he did not have the sheet of paper explaining what he had to do and he, of course, could not remember. So then I spent the next thirty minutes looking up parent phone lists and having Peter call all of his friends to find someone who actually knew what they were supposed to be working on during the break. This didn't work, but that's okay because then David came back home with splatter all over his pants. When I asked him what that was, he said "oh, a little bit of mud, but mostly vomit". Apparently, one of the other kids sitting next to David had vomited three times on the way there. So, yeah - laundry time again. I just finished the second load. So, how was your day, Jelly Belly?'

I know a lot of readers think that I must be making all this shit up, but our life really is this hectic. Luckily, I am well versed when it comes to dealing with wives that are borderline certifiable after their first day of "vacation". I am sure that I responded the same way that any loving husband's liver would.

'Wanna beer?'

Ladder Talk: 
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: That Bailey came over and that we played together on the playground.
David: That I finally made it to the birthday.
Tom: That Jan-Mathis and Janick could play by me.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: That Mom freaked out about my Geography report.
David: That someone threw up on me.
Tom: That we let the water on,

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: I want to play with David
David: I want to have fun with Luca.
Tom: I want to have fun by gymnastics and have fun with Simeon and Constantin.