Saturday, November 26, 2011

Super Shopper

Lately, Tommy has volunteered to be Papa's 'helper' while shopping. By 'help', I of course mean 'knocking breakable shit off of the shelves, screaming at other shoppers, and terrorizing the cashier.' Today, Tommy decided to kick it up a notch by demanding to be dressed up as Superman. Whatever.

I tried to explain to Angie the weirdness of Tommy's brain, but as you can see, Mama's 'me time' got in the way of logic.

'If he wants to go as Superman, let him go as Superman.'

'Thanks, oh great lady of wisdom. That was deep.'

'I'm running a bath. Ba-bye.'

I did make one interesting discovery. Apparently, Superman shares my enthusiasm for barley and hops.

Okay, in Tommy's defense, he had no idea that he was screeching down beer heaven; he was actually streaking this pose on just about every aisle. To be honest, I was negatively shocked that security guards did not intervene. What the hell kind of establishment is this?

After promising copious amounts of chocolate if he would calm down, Tommy-man was actually cool. Until we hit the cereal aisle, of course. Then all bets were off and screaming-boy was back on the scene. Whatever.

When I got home and finally finished unloading our grubs for the next week, I checked my beer watch and was quite ecstatic to see that it was happy time. As per usual, Mother Time crushed my wishful liver with what only sounds like a question.

'Do you want to take the boys to the Christmas market?'

'Well, actually I was thinking about just kickin' back with a...'

'That's nice. BOYS! SHOES ON! LETS GO!!!'

Super Tom was too busy rescuing cereal boxes today to have a nap, so he was, hmmm.... how should I put this? Angie doesn't like the word 'pissy' so I'll just go with 'tuckered out' to make sexy-hot women that can't cook happy. You can thank me later.

As we were getting ready to go, I noticed that Tommy already had the 'annoy Mama' box checked, so I wisely decided to escape with Peter and David.

'I've got the two bigguns.'

'Super. Do you happen to know why Tommy is screaming his head off about a Fire-Fire Snake?

'No, but you have fun with that puzzler. Meet you downstairs.'

Downstairs turned out to be just as puzzling. Peter has been taking karate lessons and somehow convinced David to allow him to practice his latest trick. The move involved grabbing David by the wrist and catapulting his face into the cement wall outside of our building.

After the crying stopped, Peter decided to whip out his newfound ninja moves and started climbing the doorway to our building.

Angie came down seconds after I had gotten Kung Fu weirdo down.

'Let's go - the boys are hungry.'

'Really? 'Cause they told me they've been eating all afternoon and....'

'No, they're hungry. LET'S GO!!!'

Needless to write, our first stop at the Christmas market was to get a bite to eat. Without pointing out Angie's tongue, I'll give you one guess who repeatedly 'tested' Tommy's sandwich to make sure it was edible.

I am sure that Tommy was quite relieved that his dinner wasn't poisoned, but his royal belly kept screaming things like 'Hey, Mama - that's mine' and 'Can I eat my food now?' I provided what I thought was a helpful reminder that we can only devour the leftovers when the kids say they are done, but, like in Outlook, most reminders are simply ignored.

Speaking of being ignored, Peter has been a real jerk lately. I've 'lectured' him enough times, but he continues to dish out cruel and unusual punishment.

What? Oh, I'm sorry, you don't see the 'cruel and unusual' bit? Well, just look closer. What seems to be a sweet and innocent picture of two brothers enjoying a ride on the merry-go-round quickly turns into 'Older Brothers Gone Bad'. In case you're still baffled, just ignore Peter's smug mug and check out the two bunny ears poking above Davey's head. Evil, pure evil.

Innocent Dave did not pick up on Peter's treachery. In fact, he even volunteered for a second photo op.

It was at this point that Superman finally came to the rescue.

'Davey! You no see Peter, but he making you a funny bunny!'
Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: That we go'ed to the Christmas market and that Cecilia came.
David: The candy man!
Tom: That I did like that - baaaaahh-ding ka-smash!

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: I didn't have a worst.
David: That Peter smashed me in the wall.
Tom: That Mama was bad.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: I want to see when Cecilia has something and I want to go to her.
David: I want to go with you and Mama in the swimming pool.
Tom: I sleep by Grams & Opa.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Tommy's Ute

Most normal kids cling to stuffed animals and make possessive claims like 'My cheetah!' or 'My gorilla!'. As a Johnson, Tommy had no choice but to distance himself from the normal pack with corrective shouts of 'My Ute!' every time someone mentions Ute.

Aside from being one of Tommy's possessions, Ute is a good friend of ours who helps out occasionally with watching the animals while Mama and Papa play work. It was also her birthday today and, despite fully knowing the consequences, she still invited us over to celebrate. It's okay; we got you earplugs this year.

In keeping with the Johnson tradition, we showed up an hour late. I made a beeline to the keeper of the beer, also known as Alex. No shit, it took less than two minutes for Tommy to full-on body-crash into the corner of their coffee table. What, parties are supposed to be loud, right?

Ute immediately scooped up Tommy and started spastically blowing on his forehead. After two minutes, Tommy finally stopped wailing and explained in broken sobs to HIS Ute that actually, he had hurt his elbow.

After some mild elbow blowing and heavy cuddling by HIS Ute, Tommy was released back into the wild. The wild was actually Peter and David, who had already been kicked out to the hallway to play with their Beyblades. They are basically New Age spinning tops for those of you who have yet to experience the joys of procreation.

Within seconds, Tommy had managed to spin his top under HIS Ute's cabinet. At first, this seemed liked a disaster, but it actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise. In addition to being tougher than a honey badger, my brain puts dolphins to shame. My huge cranium whipped out a flashlight and *POOF*, sulky kid was gone for almost an hour looking for HIS toy.

The silent hour was well appreciated, but it went by too quickly. By the time Tommy realized that there was no way in hell he was getting his toy back, it was time to kiss HIS birthday girl goodnight.


Friday, November 11, 2011

Documenting Harmony: Music Education in the Holy Land

This if for my little sister, Vena - the one that smells like soup and cannot distinguish between landing and take-off times on a flight itinerary. Vean-bean plays a mean violin and is trying to fund a charity trip to Palestine to teach music to children. They've reached 80% of the target so far, but they're not there, yet. It's a worthy cause, so if you'd like to spread the savory smell of beef vegetable across the Holy Land - donate. Or not.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Scratch and Fix

Our cat either really likes the guy that came to fix our radiator or he hates repair folk with a passion.

We haven't had Luke long, but he normally just hides under the stove whenever someone new comes over. For whatever reason, he chose today to break out of his reclusive shell.

Angie had run into the kitchen to get the repair guy something to drink. When she came back into the living room, Luke had clawed his way up to the guy's shirt and was just clinging out. If the guy hadn't been screaming his head off, I bet we would have heard purring.