Saturday, November 26, 2011

Super Shopper

Lately, Tommy has volunteered to be Papa's 'helper' while shopping. By 'help', I of course mean 'knocking breakable shit off of the shelves, screaming at other shoppers, and terrorizing the cashier.' Today, Tommy decided to kick it up a notch by demanding to be dressed up as Superman. Whatever.

I tried to explain to Angie the weirdness of Tommy's brain, but as you can see, Mama's 'me time' got in the way of logic.

'If he wants to go as Superman, let him go as Superman.'

'Thanks, oh great lady of wisdom. That was deep.'

'I'm running a bath. Ba-bye.'

I did make one interesting discovery. Apparently, Superman shares my enthusiasm for barley and hops.

Okay, in Tommy's defense, he had no idea that he was screeching down beer heaven; he was actually streaking this pose on just about every aisle. To be honest, I was negatively shocked that security guards did not intervene. What the hell kind of establishment is this?

After promising copious amounts of chocolate if he would calm down, Tommy-man was actually cool. Until we hit the cereal aisle, of course. Then all bets were off and screaming-boy was back on the scene. Whatever.

When I got home and finally finished unloading our grubs for the next week, I checked my beer watch and was quite ecstatic to see that it was happy time. As per usual, Mother Time crushed my wishful liver with what only sounds like a question.

'Do you want to take the boys to the Christmas market?'

'Well, actually I was thinking about just kickin' back with a...'

'That's nice. BOYS! SHOES ON! LETS GO!!!'

Super Tom was too busy rescuing cereal boxes today to have a nap, so he was, hmmm.... how should I put this? Angie doesn't like the word 'pissy' so I'll just go with 'tuckered out' to make sexy-hot women that can't cook happy. You can thank me later.

As we were getting ready to go, I noticed that Tommy already had the 'annoy Mama' box checked, so I wisely decided to escape with Peter and David.

'I've got the two bigguns.'

'Super. Do you happen to know why Tommy is screaming his head off about a Fire-Fire Snake?

'No, but you have fun with that puzzler. Meet you downstairs.'

Downstairs turned out to be just as puzzling. Peter has been taking karate lessons and somehow convinced David to allow him to practice his latest trick. The move involved grabbing David by the wrist and catapulting his face into the cement wall outside of our building.

After the crying stopped, Peter decided to whip out his newfound ninja moves and started climbing the doorway to our building.

Angie came down seconds after I had gotten Kung Fu weirdo down.

'Let's go - the boys are hungry.'

'Really? 'Cause they told me they've been eating all afternoon and....'

'No, they're hungry. LET'S GO!!!'

Needless to write, our first stop at the Christmas market was to get a bite to eat. Without pointing out Angie's tongue, I'll give you one guess who repeatedly 'tested' Tommy's sandwich to make sure it was edible.

I am sure that Tommy was quite relieved that his dinner wasn't poisoned, but his royal belly kept screaming things like 'Hey, Mama - that's mine' and 'Can I eat my food now?' I provided what I thought was a helpful reminder that we can only devour the leftovers when the kids say they are done, but, like in Outlook, most reminders are simply ignored.

Speaking of being ignored, Peter has been a real jerk lately. I've 'lectured' him enough times, but he continues to dish out cruel and unusual punishment.

What? Oh, I'm sorry, you don't see the 'cruel and unusual' bit? Well, just look closer. What seems to be a sweet and innocent picture of two brothers enjoying a ride on the merry-go-round quickly turns into 'Older Brothers Gone Bad'. In case you're still baffled, just ignore Peter's smug mug and check out the two bunny ears poking above Davey's head. Evil, pure evil.

Innocent Dave did not pick up on Peter's treachery. In fact, he even volunteered for a second photo op.

It was at this point that Superman finally came to the rescue.

'Davey! You no see Peter, but he making you a funny bunny!'
Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: That we go'ed to the Christmas market and that Cecilia came.
David: The candy man!
Tom: That I did like that - baaaaahh-ding ka-smash!

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: I didn't have a worst.
David: That Peter smashed me in the wall.
Tom: That Mama was bad.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: I want to see when Cecilia has something and I want to go to her.
David: I want to go with you and Mama in the swimming pool.
Tom: I sleep by Grams & Opa.

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