Sunday, July 11, 2010


David woke up this morning and probably thought 'hey, that's weird - it's still dark out; I better go tell Mama and Papa'. I use the word 'probably' because it wasn't quite clear to me at 3:30 in the AM if David was actually thinking when he shook me awake to inform me that the sun wasn't shining. I thought about listing places where the sun never shines, but Master elbowed me in the nose and told us to be quiet. Easier mumbled than done.

I tried several different ways to snooze David, but he was awake and ready to roll. I wasn't, but after a pot of coffee, my brain hatched the perfect plan. See, David has been learning how to ride his scooter bike. By learning, I mean:

a) he hasn't learned to balance
b) he likes to ride as fast as he can
c) falling down does not phase him at all

When I added up the multiple choices, I clearly had no choice but to take him racing through the pedestrian street at full speed. Let's roll.

I had a ball watching men and women of all ages jump out of the way. After the fourth or fifth time, I stopped answering rhetorical questions like 'are you this boy's father' and 'what are you nuts - he's gonna kill someone'. Sure, I may have to settle a few medical claims if they ever find me, but hey - it worked. Check me out.

Negative Mama rolled out of bed, took one look at our little cherub and reminded me of the many reasons why David is no longer allowed to take naps. She nodded as I explained my side of the morning before announcing 'you're putting him to bed '. News flash to Angie - I put him to bed every night. How bad can it be?

I was still sweating through worst case scenarios when Grams and Opa called. Jean and Jerry were making a pit stop on their travels through Europe and they all wanted to go out for ice-cream. Did someone mention ice-cream?

At the mention of ice-cream, David woke up and began chanting 'ya-whoo-ba-diggity-doo' over and over again until I finally dunked him in the bath. That didn't really calm him down any, but at least we removed three layers of street gunk and some leftover soccer tattoos.

At the ice-cream café we actually managed to photograph David before getting himself completely filthy again. Sure, it was only because he wanted to make sure the waiter understood that he was to bring two scoops of 'ya-whoo-ba-diggity-doo', but still - you gotta seize the moment.

For some reason, the waiter was not being so patient with us. To be honest, I would have expected better treatment. We live about two minutes away and our boys often 'entertain' the patrons with animated kung fu shows and impromptu kick-boxing matches. To be fair, maybe the guy had a traumatic kicking experience with a couple of underage theater folk when he was younger. Or maybe he was just being an ass.

I was busy chasing David around the park, so I don't actually know what Grams and Jean were plotting; I'm just sure that they were. Every time I looked over, they were giggling like sorority sisters during Hell Week and trust me - they were not the pledges.

I wasn't within earshot, but I'm pretty good at recreating conversations that I've never heard.

'Hey, Judy - are we staying for dinner with the kids?'

'No, I think we'll head back home after the ice-cream.'

'Great, then let's get the kids absolutely insane-wired on sugar and candy before we leave.'

'Jean, that's a GREAT idea!
I'll go find Peter and David. Horst, can you start shoveling chocolate into Tommy's mouth?'

I started to get suspicious after we paid and got ready to leave. I walked over to Grams and asked her if there was a particular reason she had a death-grip on Tommy.

'No, no. Don't be silly. No reason at all. We're going to leave now. I'm putting Tom down now. Ba-bye.'

Tom hit the ground like a wind-up toy that had been spoon-fed chocolate all afternoon by suspecting grandparents. Peter and David came running over to check out the commotion and pretty soon all three wind-up boys were crashing into each other and screaming laughter at the grumpy waiter with the crappy childhood.

The waiter stopped and glared at me, waiting for my response.

Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When I play soccer and I win.
David: When I had a ice-cream with a genie.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: That I couldn't have a dessert because I was too late with the eating.
David: As we can't not more play games in the park.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To go on my in-liner skating.
David: To play soccer.

No comments:

Post a Comment