Saturday, June 9, 2012

Angry Birds

These angry birds were no comparison to Mama bird, who was still vocally unthrilled that I had not managed to re-attach the kitchen shelf to the kitchen wall while she was busy in the States losing cameras and eating pancakes. Welcome back, sunny buns!

I hate incessant nagging and pointless moaning as much as the next husband, but it normally does force my ears to fix the 'whatever'. Quickly. The problem is that my ears play with power tools even less than I do. Besides, I'm metro. I cook. I do the shopping. I leave the drilling and wall bashing to the alpha males. Hey, Sami, what are you doing today?

So, yeah, Sami showed up with a duffel bag full of tools and Angry Bird T-shirts. Before we could even get started, though, this crazed bat swooped down and tried chasing the birds away.

With two older brothers, 'Tommy has learned early on his self-defined concept of acceptable equality. If Peter gets to have two scoops of ice-cream, Tom would rather throw his single-scoop in the trash than to accept anything less. If David gets an Angry Bird T-shirt from his Godfather, well, let me put it this way - allowing Tommy to dress up in a rather warm Batman suite in the middle of summer was the only way to get him to shut up about the damn Angry Bird malfunction.

Watching Tommy and Lauri chase each other around was fun, but I was also watching my nag-o-meter and come on, that shelf wasn't going to hang itself. Sami, it's time.

After laying down newspaper and prepping the work zone, I got a little worried when Sami started by dumping the powdered cement into a plastic bucket he had brought.

'Umm, shouldn't we be measuring this stuff?'

'Nah. You got a spoon?'

'But the directions state the ratio that we need to...'

'Directions, Steve? Seriously?'

'Yes, if we don't use the right...'

'Yeah, yeah, how about that spoon?'

At that point, I left to get the camera.

When I came back, Sami announced to me that the consistency looked okay. I resisted the urge to snatch up the directions and gave in to trusting Sami's gut when it comes to mixing cement. He scooped up a spoonful and filled the hole that was there from the good old days when kitchen shelves hung on walls like they should. The next step was to push in the wall anchor, but in the two seconds it took Sami to put down the spoon and grab the anchor, the cement had hardened.

'Wow! Is it supposed to harden that fast?'

'Hand me the hammer.'

As Sami began beating the shit out of the wall anchor, I picked up the directions and came to the conclusion that we would need a swimming pool to dilute the insane amount of powder that we had used. After adding copious amounts of water to the bucket, we managed to get the remaining holes plugged. At that point, Angie strolled by.

'Is the shelf up yet?'

'Do you see a freakin' shelf on the wall!!??'

Angie was disappointed, but for a change, she stopped talking about it and went into the other room. The problem was, I hadn't yet broken the news to her holy nagginess that the shelf could not go up today because the instant cement we had used needs 24 hours to fully harden. After witnessing how quickly the Sami special version had hardened, I chucklingly contemplated mounting the shelf today. In the end, I decided not to challenge the alpha gods. Instead, I walked into the living room to piss off my bird.
Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: That I played with Tommy with the cars.
David: Cleaning up and playing outside.
Tom: When I was the Bat man and I eating the birds.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When I wasn't so good by playing piano.
David: That I was in the living room and Tommy kicked so hard he could in the back.
Tom: When David - he get a shirt, but I no have the angry bird and I cry why that not fair is.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: Play with Arman.
David: I want that my tooth falls down.
Tom: I want a Angry Bird shirt.

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