I'm shining in the rain

Today was Peter's first day at the new Kindergarten. As you can see, he is glowing with excitement. The umbrella was part of a back-to-school package that Angie put together for him - a new umbrella, scissors, slippers, and of course, a gun. Luckily, the gun was made of rubber. He won't get the real thing until he starts high school.

Angie got a little nervous today about the baby room. Actually, it was more like a mild panic attack. Ok, it was a full-blown, head-spinning, freak-out-a-thon that ended up with me building IKEA furniture all afternoon. I now officially hate Sweden.

After lunch, David found a bag of marbles and what else would any intelligent human being do with marbles other than to quickly cram as many of them into your greedy little mouth as you can? I blame my father, who made me watch 'The Godfather' so many times growing up that I somehow passed on this freak gene to my children. Thanks, Dad - if I wake up to a dead horse in my bed, I am sending you the dry-cleaning bill.

The tricky part of having a mouthful of marbles is getting them out without choking to death. David immediately confused my concern with some new game where he runs away down the hall laughing. I finally tackled El Padrino by his bed and managed to extract all of them. At least, I hope I got all of them. I should know for sure in the next day or so.
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[David's pillow made an offer he couldn't refuse, so no Ladder Talk tonight]
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When I went to my new kindergarten.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When my belly full.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To play with you on the playground football.

Down with books!

I am not sure what the books on the middle shelf did to piss off David, but he sure showed them. I am sure that somewhere in his tiny brain lies a perfectly justifiable explanation, but like the whole OJ thing, we will never know for sure.

After clearing the shelves of aggression, David decided to move into the bathroom. For a change, I listened to the voices in my head and followed the hostile librarian to see what was next on his mental list of things to destroy.

As it turned out, David wanted to empty his bath toys into the empty bath. I said no. He cried. Angie came running.

David changed his tune quickly and explained to gullible Mama that he only wanted one toy and mean old Papa was being a mean old meany. Angie stared at me briefly and gave him the toy. David then turned to me and gave me the ultimate smug look of victory.

Instead of walking away, David smiled at me and said 'I stink, Papa'. Before I could blink, Angie walked past me and told me to change him. I glared at him and he just grinned contently.

I threw him on the changing table, undid his diaper and the little shit peed on me. As if that were not enough, he laughed at me. If he wasn't two, I would say that he was being very immature.

As I picked up the pile of books, I saw some that taught children how to use the toilet. Other books told kids of the fun you can have cleaning up your room. What I really needed at that point, though, was a book to show parents how to regain dignity after your book bashing, smug kid pees on you and then laughs. Until that one is written, beer works.
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1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When I played with Sebastian and Marie and play that trick with the cards - there's nothing in it then the picture is wrong and something is inside.
David: When Sebastian and Marie come and I won.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When I tried to go on the bed and Sebastian pushed me out of the bed and I hit the floor.
David: When Gizma scratch.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To play with you that monkey game.
David: When I go Grams and Opa.

David vs. the caterpillar

Disgusto Angie found a slimy little bug in our salad growing in the garden and decided to teach our kids that it's perfectly ok to pick up creepy crawlies. Captain Dave must be a fisherman at heart, for he immediately tried to hook the bait. Luckily for Angie's hand, the Capt'n has not yet graduated from the rubber hook.

At breakfast today, I poured a cup of coffee using Peter's mug. I have two - each one has a picture of me with one of them, as babies. David immediately demanded to know why I was using Peter's cup and not his. Oh, jealousy starts at such a young age. Having just changed a rather stinky diaper, I really wanted to tell him it's because you don't use the toilet like a big boy, but I restrained myself and told him the truth - that his cup was dirty and Papa was too much of a lazy bastard to wash a mug.

Today I started a very short-lived game of indoor dodge ball. Angie was off getting poked at her preggy-puncture class, so I thought I would entertain the boys by pegging them in the head with some inflatable plastic. As it turned out, it was more entertaining for me than for them. After ten minutes of 'ow, Papa, that hurts' and 'my nose stings', I simply gave up. If they don't know how to have fun, it's not my fault.

Before dinner, Angie played Curious George with Peter. My thoughts drifted slightly and I found myself thinking about what a dumbass the Man with the Yellow hat is. I mean, come on! Every freakin' story starts out with some absurd scenario and the man telling George 'stay here and don't get into any trouble'. First of all, it's a monkey. Hello? Do you really expect a primate to sit still just because you tell them to? Even if the man was stupid enough to do it once, why does he continue to do it over and over again? Aren't we just teaching the kids to treat anyone wearing a yellow hat like a moron?

During dinner, David started the most disgusting display of noodle-eating I have ever seen in my entire life. It was like watching a car wreck in fast motion. I could not take my eyes off of him. He did things to those poor noodles that will haunt me in my nightmares for years. My only consolation was that Disgusto Angie now pales by comparison.
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1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: My best part from today was when I play with Mama Curious George and the Man with the Yellow Hat.
David: Peter look TV.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When David said 'I want to hit you' and then later when he peed all over the floor.
David: When I bonk a shark so bonky my head.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To play that crocodile game.
David: When Dalia come back and Dalia come back.