Creature from the Black Lagoon Returns

It's good that Tom is my son. If I had turned around to some other kid and seen either one of these images, I would have run away screaming like a little girl. I mean, look at that thing! It's disgusting! It's like some lagoon monster mama forgot her baby creature at the playground and it decided to come over and high five me. Someone should really beat the crap out of that thing's mom for letting it eat dirt like that. 'Cause, come on - who knows where that dirt has been? For all we know, it could have been imported from China. If their kids toys are not even children-friendly, can you imagine what is in the dirt they use for exporting?

The best part is that approximately 20 minutes before this lovely snapshot, Tom was in the bath with me. Getting clean. If it had been backwards day, the whole mud bonanza would have been pretty damn hilarious. Ok, chewing on dirt should not be funny regardless of the bathing order, but at least I might have laughed. As it was, I did not. Tom did. Angie did. Other weird people at the park did. Whatever - we'll see who's chuckling when the boy comes down with the Chinese Dirt Flu.

I can only hope that Tom's mud-pies are not a daily meal. I normally leave enough microwavable left-overs to feed Angie and Tom and ensure that she has absolutely no reason to turn on the stove. Before you start going on and on about what a wonderful husband I am and we all end up in tears, I should confess that I only do this to avoid spending all day wondering if the kitchen is on fire. But I am a wonderful husband - thanks for that one.

Normally, I am at work when Angie takes Pig-Pen to playtime, so I have never been witness to this abnormal ritual. Today was my birthday, though, so it was far from normal. For one, I took off from work. At least I was able to get an interesting insight into how, exactly, our child who can not walk, crawl, or move yet can get so absolutely filthy every freakin' day of the week. Thanks for clearing up that little mystery, sweetie.

Speaking of sweet, Angie surprised me by organizing a baby sitter so that we could go get our Guinness on. Sweet.

Aside from a goofy looking woman, what you see here is the complimentary daiquiri that the owner gave us when we showed up to the pub together. We spent the first ten minutes explaining to people that 'no, we are not divorced'. Man, you have a few kids and stop going to the pubs together for five years, and everyone just assumes you've split up. I kept coming up with really witty retorts like 'not yet', which did not amuse Angie. She's not really that witty, though.

Two sips after this picture, the baby sitter called to inform us that the baby was crying. My advice to sit on him was shooed away by Angie as she put on her coat. Be right back...

Luckily for me, I was at a bar, so I was able to entertain myself for the 45 minutes it took for Angie to be right back. Upon her return, she ordered another drink and was actually able to finish that one. Angie drinks fast normally, but after the curious incident of the phonesitter in the night, she downed it. Sweet. Not sweet was the ringtone on Angie's phone that went off as soon as we ordered the next drink. After call number two, we turned completely French and surrendered on the spot. Check please!

Birthday Boy note to Lagoon Boy:

Thanks, dirt-head. Years from now, when you are getting ready for your prom date, I'm going to smother myself in black ink and give you a big hug. Then after the dance, just as you are about to kiss the girl in the car you borrowed from Papa, I'm going to jump out of the bushes with a flashlight and tell you it is time to go home. What do you think of that, Lagoon Boy? Huh?

--------------------------------------------
Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When we got a babysitter.
David: When Peter played with me.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When I couldn't play with Sebastian.
David: When Peter bonked my toe and I cry.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To play by your party.
David: When Artim come here.

Cotton breath

I've always wondered what the hell Angie does while I'm at work and how the kids could possibly have that much energy when I come home. Now I know - she takes them to the carnies and feeds them candy until they foam at the mouth. Good one, sweetie - maybe the next 'frenzy' can take place while I'm away on business?

Apparently, the sugar-fueled craziness can all be blamed on David's bowel movements. Oh, ok... well, as long as there is a logical explanation. Logic is not one of Angie's strong points. It's not even one of her weak points, but eventually I pieced together that David made it through a full day without wearing a diaper. This in itself is not news; the fact that he went the entire day without a diaper and managed not to soil himself or others is news.

As much as I know how much my two readers love hearing all about David's digestive progression, perhaps we should move back to the cotton candy rewards that the boys were reaping thanks to David's long overdue jump to the big-boy side of life.

I guess Captain Commando did not get high enough off of the sugar cone he had inhaled. To keep the adrenaline flying, he jumped on the nearest rocket and blasted off.

There was a green button that made the thing go up and down. After his solo flight, Destructo Dave smelled a little like hydraulic fluid and I am quite sure that the green button was broken. Before any of the freaky carnies could figure out what had happened to their ride, the boys rode off into the sunset.

The horse was obviously not aware that it was David's first full day without diapers. Luckily, the saddle remained dry as the two bandits headed south. Then east. Then north. Then west. Then south again. Yeah, that's right, genius - they were going in circles. Aren't we all?

After their odd little version of Showdown at the C.C. Corral, the Cotton Candy cowboys were getting mighty tuckered out. When the Sheriff instructed them to head back to the ranch, though, the Three Amigos were slightly less than thrilled.

Angie's excuse for rounding up the caballeros - 'Papa's coming home soon'. That's great - not only did you manage to wind them up to the breaking point, you were also able to somehow blame me while diverting their anger and disappointment on my unsuspecting ass as I walked in the front door.

'Hey, boys - I'm home!'
--------------------------------------------
Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When we go'ed on the rolly coaster rides - the first time I go'ed with Mama and David. The second time mommy was on not - I was there myself.
David: When we have no picture from Grams and Opa.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When my foot hurt a little bit 'cause I tripped and bonked me self there.
David: When we only watch one Spongebob.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To play hide-n-seek.
David: When Peter hide again in my covers like a bear.

Bringing home the bacon

Angie will soon return to the land of the working!! Angie was really happy because it will give her a break from the kids. Since she will be teaching a whole classroom of the ankle-biters, this did not make much sense to me, but then again, I'm not Angie. This is good, since I would hate not understanding me.