Saturday, April 11, 2009

Beezlebub: Lord of the Trees

Instead of walls, driving, and us, Peter has been using trees, climbing, and himself. At least for going up. I really hope he learns the whole 'getting down' part soon. Don't get me wrong, my body is fit enough to get into an ear-biting contest with Tyson, so I can certainly climb up a tree to rescue my little cat. It's when I have to toss the sack of potatoes on my back and do the fireman's carry down the tree that my body starts nagging.

Speaking of Angie, we met some of her friends today down by the river.

They are actually my friends now, too, but according to the social rules of social rulers, friend ownership is etched in stone at the point of initial contact. That intial stone would be Angie. If after meeting Angie, they are neurotic enough to want to meet me, I begin to wonder. If they then meet me and are insane enough to actively pursue further contact, I begin to worry. Oddly enough, they are neither neurotic nor insane, causing me to wonder why I worry.

As I was busy thinking up really clever sentences, Peter was quietly inching his way up the crazy tree.

You'll notice a twinkle in the inchworm's eyes that at first glance probably looks cute. After raising David for almost three years, though, I have learned to zero in on these subtle looks. I stare at them, analyze them, drink a beer, then analyze them some more and normally come to the conclusion that things will end badly. Sometimes fear is involved, sometimes not. It normally depends on what is in David's hands at the 'snapping' moment. In this case, the 'what' was a watermelon rind that broke the camel's mind.

I was chilling out in the grass watching David dump a bucket of water on a little girl and wishing that the grass grew longer and thicker so I could I could crack up without the dirty looks from Angie and Wetgirl's parents. Above the laughing on my inside, I heard a far-off distant 'snap' that sounded oddly like Peter's brain. I looked up and found that Peter, Lord of the Trees, had stripped down to his skivvies and was wailing like a loon.

I got up to deal with Piggy and noticed that Wetgirl's parents were now the ones pointing and laughing. I pointed as well, only I used a different finger and to the unsuspecting eye, it might have looked like I was pointing at the clouds. They must have suspecting eyes, though, since they stopped laughing and began packing up their shit. Bye.

As Peter continued blowing his conch shell to round up the other savages on the island, one of the 'littluns' started freaking out.

It turns out that baby Gilligan was never meant to be on this island. He was supposed to be on a three hour tour and crash into a completely different island. I hope he doesn't run into the poor bastards from 'Lost'.
Amir came to the rescue and took the little lost Bob Denver far away from the Wailing Willow.

You can tell he is a veteran of two boys. The left hand is curled just perfectly to both frame the baby and still display the wedding ring. I know from experience that this helps avoid hours of getting hit on by the ladies and nasty arguments with the jealous wife.

More important, though, is the right hand gently grasping the baby's fist. Babies are either gross or curious; sometimes both, but if you leave them too long with a free hand, you will undoubtedly end up tiny digits yanking out your nose hairs or your glasses will be whipped off and smashed on the floor before the baby can even begin to giggle.

Speaking of smashing things on the floor and breaking them, David also had a slice of watermelon.

Knowing already what effect the melon had on Peter, I began to run. Fast.
Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When we played trains and when Meyssam come.
David: When I want to make a play with Peter and he like my new game.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When Mama said 'don't burp' and then I burped and I went to my room and no one was there.
David: When I coughing.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To go to Easter and see what that bunny give us.
David: When I make a big bunny - the Easter bunny.


  1. Is David wearing a skirt? And is Tom afraid of snapshotdaddy or is he trying to warn you against the monster standing behind you? )))

  2. David is not wearing a skirt! What do you think we are - Scottish? The shirts in his size are just too damn expensive :-)

    Tom is afraid of the baby in the mirror, so who knows what's freaking him out here - maybe it's one of those scary Blue Morpho butteflies that keep Angie up at night.

  3. Peter's new title: Lord of the Flies. I've also begun to notice how integral beer is to your stories of parenting. That should be in all child-rearing manuals. Honestly.

  4. Kato: Hey, that's pretty funny - how's your blog coming along, by the way?