Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Bottom feeders

I came home from work to quite a bizaare scene. I know this might seem common place - and it is - but this was a completely different breed of weird. For starters, Angie was in the kitchen, and it wasn't just to get me a beer. The fact that she was not surrounded in a cloud of smoke was certainly unusual, but there something more. I could smell it.

I walked into the living room to investigate further and found Sarah kicking back with her feet up, reading a magazine. Sarah is not exactly the calm and relaxing type, so I was really starting to freak out. It was like the Twilight Zone for me and then it hit me - where the hell was the roar of noise that normally accompanied my arrival. Who the hell was this 'woman' in the kitchen and what has she and Lady Tranquility done with my kids?

I confronted Signorina and got a look that immediately told me she was in cahoots with the kitchen help.

'Che cosa, siete bello, Si dispone di un petto villoso!'

'Stop complimenting me - I get enough of that from Angie! Where are my kids?'

'Che cosa?'

'Oh, don't toy with me, devil woman. Dove mi bambinos!?'


It was at that point that I heard chewing noises. It was such a weird feeling. I mean, don't get me wrong - Angie can be quite the chomper, so I am used to a little vocal mastication, but she was supposedly in the kitchen 'cooking'.

All of a sudden, Angry Italian woman started waving her index finger to the space below our dining room table; a space I have been avoiding for over a year out of fear. What I found did not help my phobia much.

Under our table, I uncovered creatures crawling all over the place on top of layers of muck and disgusting shit that Tommy has thrown down over the past year of his existence. These 'things' slightly resembled my kids, but then again - so did that woman in our kitchen; I had to make sure.

'Who are you people and why are you so QUIET?'

'Oh, hey Papa. We're
'table monsters' and Sarah is feeding us to keep us from getting angry on you.'

It was like a cloud parted and a voice whispered in my ear to shut the hell up and just enjoy the absence of destructive sounds. This was BRILLIANT! Shove the kids under the table to eat their grub and they actually will. Why didn't my brain think of that?!

Man, I have so much to learn from the Principessa, aside from some of her more interesting hand gestures. Whatever! I just kept shoveling food to the 'monsters' below and was grateful that someone was actually testing the food that Angie had prepared. If that is her real name.
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Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When we was on the computer and had the Sandmaenchen there.
David: When I go'ed with you and Tommy in the kindergarten.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When Tommy almost fell down off my ladder.
David: When I canned not with Dalia play.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: I want to play in kindergarten with my friends.
David: Play with Tom.

1 comment:

  1. You let your children be fed by a principessa-torso?!? Bloody hell... that woman has no legs... )))

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