Friday, March 12, 2010

Coyote Peter

Please don't ask me why Peter is trying to gnaw his foot off. This is a tactic normally left to trapped animals and guys trying to sneak out of dates that went fantastically well until they sobered up. So I've heard.

In case you didn't notice, I'm slightly behind on the blog. So, March is going to be a series of catch-up blogs. As both of my readers know, this means a lot of pictures.

The first is a lovely trip to the zoo.

This is only lovely if you're British, which I'm not. Sorry, mates. I'm American, and we sometimes overlook the whole 'thinking' thing. Had I thought about it before taking the boys to the Zoo, I would have probably realized that going to look at animals is not the most exciting thing for a kid to see if he just came back from a trip to AFRICA! Yes, Peter reminded us of that slight oversight several times.

'Nice lion, isn't it Davey? I saw so many in Africa, where I was and you was not.'

'Nice elephant, isn't it Davey? I saw so many elephants in Africa, where I was and you was not.'

After several other animal exhibits, David had had enough.

'Papa! Peter, he not so nice. He say I no in Africa, but I want to Africa go. Why you so mean and not me take?'

I tormented over my options of telling David that his English grammar sucked and telling Peter that he was being an ass. In the end, I had to side with David, who was the one who had been left Out of Africa.

'Hey, Peter - in Africa, did you ever have to wait in the hot car by yourself because you pissed off everyone travelling with you? I only ask, because if you brag about one more animal that you saw in Africa, I'm going to box you into a crate and ship your smug ass back to the Dark Continent.'

After that, Peter was wisely silent and David gloated gleefully and not so silently. Deep inside, I smiled.

I also smiled when I found that Peter and/or David had filled my stinky shoes with a Monchichi.

The Monchichi really did not serve a purpose; my shoes still stunk, but at least now Angie's childhood doll could bond with my foot funk. Angie was not amused.

I was amused by Grams, though, who taught Tom a new and interesting version of Cowboys and Indians.
In her world, the game was apparently called Indians and Parking Attendants, but at least Tom enjoyed it.

Tom also enjoyed a little brotherly dispute with Peter, where he decided that he needed safety goggles before he physically 'explained' to Peter that he really didn't appreciate the whole 'stealing my banana' trick that Peter had pulled earlier because he had wanted a little extra potassium in his cereal.

Even though he is the elder alpha male in the zoo, Peter relented and finally let the 'youngins' have their bananas. Thanks, Peter, you're a gem.

Peter moved on to the university, where he impressed the ladies by looking like he couldn't be bothered by the monster lurking behind him. He gets that nonchalant, I-don't-give-a-shit look from me. I can so totally relate.

This scary looking monster is also known as The Gruffalo, one of Peter's all-time favorites.

After totally impressing the hotties with his ability to stare down dangerous creatures, we decided to confront the creature's creators.

After waiting in line for over an hour, I completely understood why Angie had asked me if I could 'help out'. It wouldn't have been so bad, but Sarah was watching Tom and fully expecting a quick in-and-out that would last maybe ten minutes, based on what Angie had promised her.

Two hours later, a red-blooded and hot-haired Italian lady stormed in and threw Tom into my arms. She muttered something that surely translated as 'you are so hot, but even I have limits - take your son and don't ever lie to me again about how long you'll be while I watch your child.' There were also a few choice comments about my biceps that I purposely left out so that Angie doesn't get jealous. I am so freaking considerate, I kill myself.

Anywho, the hot and feisty Signorina chick stormed off, leaving me in line holding one screaming Tom, a super-mega hyperactive David, and a slightly under-fearful Peter who should maybe think about moving to older books with characters that actually do scare him. That, or just have him read the blog.
Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When we go see Axel Scheffler and Julia Donaldson.
David: When I think I look Mr. Bean, 'cause he so funny.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When Mama she cut my wart and she take my foot off.
David: When I cry 'cause we not look Mr. Bean.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: I want to do a trick with Eisi and we're going to do a trick with Martha.
David: To play where one is a human and the others are animals.

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