Saturday, April 30, 2011

Home Alone, Day Three: Happy Meals

It's a well-known fact that Sami has what I would call 'alternative' methods when it comes to teaching my boys new things. It's also a well-known fact that 'alternative' is just a fancy French way of saying 'What? Are you freakin' insane? Why the hell are you teaching my kids to pile-dive David?'. Among the things that Sami doesn't understand, French is apparently one of them.

Sami called this morning and asked if it would be okay for him and Katherina to stop by with Lauri. I said no problem, hung up the phone, and started cursing like the sailor I used to be.

See, Angie has been gone for more than 24 hours and what she lacks in culinary flair she actually does make up for in housekeeping capabilities. Ones that, for various reasons stemming from early childhood, I am lacking. To put it simpler, the place looked like shit and Sami was coming over with Angie's hand-planted spy, better known as K, who was certain to report back to A with glee that S had completely trashed the place. Again.

I vacuumed, mopped, dusted AND put the toilet seat down, just to make sure that K's report to A was a favorable one. As I paused to wipe the sweat off of my brow, the doorbell rang. Sami walked in with Lauri and immediately took notice.

'You cleaned? Man, she's got you trained.'

'Where the hell is Katherina?'

'Oh, she, uh, decided to stay at home.'

'Home? What do you mean home? Why did she do that? She was supposed to come over.'

'Well, you know, we just had two birthday parties last week and
she needed a little 'me' time.'

'So she kicked your ass out.'

'Let's fire up the grill!'

My stomach told me to ignore Sami's pathetic attempt at trying to change the subject. Instead, it commanded me to throw burgers on the grill and gulp a beer. Thank you, sir - may I have another?

Sami's unique art of coaching and mentoring didn't stop with lessons on how to crush a fellow human being. On orders from my stomach, I made a second trip to the fridge. When I returned, I discovered that Sami had taught the boys how to make happy meals.

Ladder Talk:
[Tom crashed and snored before we could get to Ladder Talk]
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: That we grilled today.
David: That Peter lost in getting dressed.
Tom: zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: That I lost by checkmate.
David: That Peter tried winning by the checkmate, but you, Papa, let him not.
Tom: zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: Have roasted marshmallows by Opa.
David: Play checkmate and do the marshmallows in the fire.
Tom: zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

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