Saturday, May 19, 2012

The Wedding Dancer

Okay, who the hell kidnapped my boys and replaced them with these gag-worthy robots? I searched for a ransom note and finally came to the conclusion that something about attending a wedding and having an important role like 'rose petal tosser' might actually instill a sense of behavioral responsibility that speaks to even the wildest of creatures. That, plus a two hour car lecture where Angie and I used threats and scare-tactics to 'encourage' our boys to be on their bestest. I was just surprised that it worked. Unfortunately, my boys don't like to surprise me for long nor do they respond well to threats.

Yes, true colors can be rather disturbing. Angie took a slightly different earpoint and thought another lecture would somehow alter the course of embarrassment we had embarked on. She then proceeded to rather vocally explain how she did not want to hear any peeps when we were in the church. Tommy found what I thought was a rather creative alleviation to Mama's concern.

I give finger-boy points for boldness - his demonstrative suggestion to stick a plug in Mama's ear certainly met Angie's criteria covering the hearing of peeps, but I'm not sure that she agreed with what I would call a clever idea. Angie hardly ever agrees with other humans, though. In the end, I left her on the steps hyperventilating and ventured my way inside.

Inside turned out to be quiet, but not without strange children second-contemplating their role as petal-tosser.

I actually know this look and decided to spend a good portion of the ceremony 'whispering' advice into Davey's ear. I reminded him that he was not allowed to throw the petals overhand at the bride's face, like he did at Handan's wedding. About halfway through the ceremony, I felt confident that I had gotten through to David when he agreed to only throw underhanded.

At least Sabina and Matthias wisely chose the preferred method for dealing with wild animals that go slightly overboard with the rose petals and simply ignored him.

After the ceremony, we moved to the backyard for an outdoor champagne brunch that was bubbly and loud. At one point, the newlyweds apparently got fed up with the guests and tried to fly away.

My guess is that they've seen the movie 'Up' one too many times. That or they think they are lighter than they actually are. I can certainly relate.

After watching Bina's rendition of '99 Red Balloons', I walked over to the buffet to look for Angie. I'm not trying to make a statement with my last sentence. It's just - I know that my wife loves cooked food and I am today's self-proclaimed Sherlock Holmes. As expected, I found my darling chatting away with a bunch of her lady friends next to the pastry puffs. I walked up to say hi, but Angie saw me first and chose to launch a greeting of her own.


I use capital letters here to emphasize just how LOUDLY my lovely wife announced to the entire wedding entourage that my zipper had dropped. I am a firm believer of correcting bad behavior on the spot, so I immediately explained to Angie how inappropriate it is to point at another man's genitals in the middle of a wedding reception and start screaming commentary, but this (as with our children) only made her crack up.

Speaking of cracking people up, Tommy decided to curl up and rack out next to the gift table shortly after the meal.

After a few snapshots, I turned my attention away from the Wedding Crasher and focused on my other mini-mes. It was an interesting experiment, to be honest. See, they had a dessert bar that had no limit on visits. I stood by and quietly watched as both Peter and David devoured various forms of sugar. I tried to console myself by telling me that at least they had not touched their main course at all.

When that didn't work, I ventured off in search of a TV to watch the final Champions League match between Bayern Munich and Chelsea. As I strolled by the kitchen, I noticed that a few culinary staff members were huddled around what looked to be a boob tube. I pushed opened the swinging doors and asked the chefs if I could join their bleachers.

Their mistake was when they said 'sure, come on in'. I then whistled loudly and brought in half of the male contingent, including the groom. My saving grace was that Angie knows my whistle and is addicted to soccer.

At one point, one of the waitresses got visibly annoyed that the wedding club had hijacked the kitchen. Luckily, I'm married to a woman who gets visibly annoyed with me at least twice daily. I reverted to my trusted tactics and just pretended not to speak German. Unfortunately, she switched to English. At that point, I just flat-out ignored her. Unlike with Angie, this technique actually worked and the pesky woman simply went away.

Chelsea didn't win, but Bayern lost. You figure it out.

After the game, we returned to the party to find that the tables were being pushed away to free up some boogie room. At this point in our little sugar experiment, Peter was crashing big time. He was falling asleep in his chair, mumbling something about me being an awesome dad and going back to the hotel. David, on the other buzz, was wired for sound.

This is honestly the ONLY picture I could snap. The rest were only flashes and blurs as David streaked the dance floor. He busted out his patented 'butt boogie' moves, along with a couple that are apparently still waiting for copyright approval. I have never seen David so in his element. He is not bashful in the least and he proved this again by getting his jiggy on with adults and other silly types crazy enough to get in his way. As far as I know, I've never witnessed anyone finding their calling in life as it actually happened. I guess only time will tell.
Ladder Talk:
(Adrenalin + Sugar = no ladder talk)
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: ZZZZZzzzzzzz......
David: flippity-bank bo ski-skank o madaka floo-poo!
Tom: ZZZZZzzzzzzz......
2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: ZZZZZzzzzzzz......
David: When the Oh, yeah - HOOOOOO! and then skippity-shonk bang!
Tom: ZZZZZzzzzzzz......

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: ZZZZZzzzzzzz......
David: Yes, please.
Tom: ZZZZZzzzzzzz......

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