Friday, June 7, 2013

Are you tired?

I saw this lovely gem for a fitness studio on my way back from my day shift. Maybe I just think too much, unless you ask Angie, but if I'm fat and ugly, do I really want to go to a gym that is jam-packed with a bunch of sweaty fuglies?

The whole thing did make me acknowledge that I need to go on a diet, so I picked up the phone and called my older half.

'Hey, Butter-buns, I was thinking about going on a diet. Could you cook dinner tonight?'

'What is that supposed to mean?'

'Um, nothing. Don't forget that Veris and Lena are coming over tonight. Gotta go, ba-bye.'

As it turned out, Angie did cook, but I don't think she was trying to help me kick off Operation Jelly Belly.

That's right - when we have guests over, we only serve them the finest pizzas that the Berg has to offer. At some point during Angie's one-course meal, Tommy made the mistake of going out on the balcony. His faux pas majeur was that David was inside. Oh, no you didn't! 

As Tommy tested our double pane windows with brotherly threats that involved David's cranium, Peter began stabbing holes in Veris' pizza box with his pencil. Chiara and Alessio were spending the night and when they started racing laps around the dinner table, I realized that it was time to start distracting.

Distracting is a parental methodology that Angie and I adopted when Destructo Dave was three. It started with a simple puzzle that we gave him to keep him from painting the walls red with Crayola. He immediately plopped down and two hours later, *TA-DA* - distracting was born and we've been perfecting it ever since.

Veris wasn't exactly nerving us, but we decided to go with him first. Angie gave him one of the kids' magnetic Erector Sets and *TA-DA*.

When something works like a charm, you tend to stick to the patterns that work. For us, the common link was obvious, so we tossed Lena a string of magnetic balls and *TA-DA*.

With Angie, it was either the kitchen or an Etch-a-Sketch. Since it didn't end with 'Holy shit! How did you set THAT on fire?', I guess you can imagine which option I opted for. *TA-DA*

I was about to task Peter with some mindless task that would surely distract the boy beyond human comprehension when Lena beat me to it. See, while she was supposed to be playing with a magnetic necklace, she was actually making a Möbius strip.

'A what?!'

Okay, I'm hoping that I'm not the only biped that has never heard of a Möbius strip. Angie babbles crap all the time that nobody in the family has ever heard of, but most of the time, we don't want to. For a change, I was actually curious to know what the hell a Möbius strip is. Peter one-upped me and asked Lena to show him how to make one.

As much as I love other people teaching my offspring things that I still don't grasp, I thought we should check back in with Angie. I mean, come on, it's been more than two hours. I'm sure she's come up with something cooler than a Möbius strip. A what?!

'Hey, that's, uh... mmmhh. Really? You drew a box house?'

Peter had just finished his lesson with Lady Lena and apparently did not appreciate my witty review of Mama's Etch-a-House. Neither did Angie, but she was busy drawing a chimney.

After being crowned with discarded science scraps, I decided it was time to kick the control group to bed and let the Alpha-dults get their party on.

I saw this lovely gem for adult fun on my way back from my night shift. Maybe I just think too much, unless you ask sketchy blonde chicks, but if I'm an adult ready to rock it like Plymouth, do I really want to play a game that is jam-packed with a bunch of puzzling tiles that just puzzle me? Hell, yeah!
Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: That it was so hot today.
David: That we could lay and hear a story in school.
Tom: That we was outside.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: That I have a headache.
David: I didn't have one.
Tom: That I could have no pineapple.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: Buy mangos.
David: I want to be good in hockey.
Tom: I gonna play good with Elia.

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