Sunday, December 22, 2013

Christmas Rush

I knew that it was coming. We all did, but it wasn't until I saw the stack of clutter that Angie wanted to move from the living room to the kid's room that it hit me - my wife's end-of-year freak-a-thon had begun.

The warning signs started a few days ago with comments like 'we should really make some room for all the new toys' and 'Wow! I didn't think your muscles could get any bigger!' 

The only thing bigger than my guns is my brain, which hatched a plan to go grocery shopping when the straw finally snapped. Unfortunately, today is Sunday; other than churches and bars, nothing is open in Germany.

In the end, I gained a better appreciation for how lab rats must feel; I was trapped. I decided to retreat to the kitchen and ask Peter to help me bake an apple cake. Peter was fully aware of what was going down and he jumped at the opportunity.

After shoving the cake in the oven and setting the timer, I peeked into the hallway to see where Master was. She was in the hallway, frantically mopping the floor. This didn't surprise me, but the fact that she doing this in her underwear peaked my curiosity.

'Um, honey, humor me - why are you swabbing the decks in your skivvies?

Angie turned beet red and told me to go away. Instincts kicked in and I grabbed my iPhone and snapped a picture. I should be an iReporter.

Angie knows the sound of a picture being taken amazingly well.

'Steve! Don't you dare!'


'Steve! I'm beyond serious. Delete the picture now!'


'I can still return your Christmas gifts.'

I was so moved by the fact that she bought me something for Christmas that I showed her the shot I had snapped.

I'm not a moron, unless you ask people that supposedly love me. I knew as soon as Angie explained to me that she had slipped on a freshly mopped floor and ripped her skirt in the process that there was no way in hell I could photograph her half-naked. Still, I could have my fun.

I switched the camera into 'selfie' mode and snapped the shot that was heard around the house.

I knew that it was coming, but it wasn't until I raced down the hallway with my camera held above my head that it hit me - my wife's end-of-year freak-a-thon was in full gear.
Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Papa: That Mama ripped her skirt in a cleaning frenzy and spent a good part of the afternoon prancing around in her panties.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Papa: When Mama punched me in the arm for allegedly taking compromising pictures of her.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Papa: Clean the house again - that was fun!

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