Monday, June 9, 2014

Yeah, that's normal

I was in the Navy for five years, so I'm good at, well, pretty much anything you can do in a bar. Peter has already spanked me in darts and even Angie can beat me in table soccer, so I decided to take my oldest for his first ever billiards lesson. Bar diving will simply have to wait a few years, buddy. 

When David eventually picked up on our plan to go shoot pool, he pucker-lipped his way into the lesson. In retaliation, Peter invited Arman and Nuno and before I knew it, we had a quartet of hustlers ready to shark the tables. Game on! 

We started with the basics, like how to look cooler than your father when you take aim. Since this was obviously not possible for Peter, I told him to just try and hit the white ball.

David wasn't quite tall enough to teach him the proper stance, so he simply improvised with his self-patented 'sideways jab' that managed to hit the ball 1 out of 7 times. Hey! You're already better than Mama!

Some pool players sprinkle their hands with baby powder to reduce friction, but they clearly never spent any time in the military. After a short discussion with the waitress, I shared the insider secret with the quartet - pizza grease.

That's right, a greasy pie not only nourishes you; it makes your fingers slippery enough that you can focus on the important things, like looking cool.

On the way back from pool-school, David jumped spread-eagle on the hood of my new company car, death-gripped the sides and commanded me to start driving. Because, yeah, that's normal.

After entertaining convincing arguments like 'Please, I've never had a bug fly into my mouth' and 'come on, dogs would love it', I tossed crazy boy in the backseat and headed home.

Tommy felt a little left out, so in the afternoon, we allowed him to join the post-tournament soccer-hike. What's a soccer-hike? you ask? Well, first, you play soccer.

Then, you go for a hike.

It's complicated, I know.

David didn't join the hike, though. The beaver in him chose instead to build a dam. Damn!

He spent over an hour piling up rocks, sticks, mud and other disgusting muck just upstream from where the other boys were splashing anything that moved.

When the others started screaming and asking why the river had suddenly dried up, David smugly plopped down on a nearby bench, content that his self-assigned mission had been accomplished.

With no more water to splash on each other, the boys resorted to latest craze among underteens - bridge hanging.

The first step of this fun new sport involves finding a bridge. In this case, they found a bridge over a recently dried up riverbed. Then, you sit down with your feet dangling over the edge and, you know, just hang.

Staying true to nature, the boys did not sit still for long. David was the first to get bored and head for the hills.

Boys of any age love to climb, so it was no surprise when the hills were suddenly alive with the sounds of hyper.

Tommy only made it up halfway. After involuntarily mud-sliding down the mountain for the fifth time, he declared to everyone that climbing was dumb. Then, for reasons only known to Tommy's brain, he removed his shoes and stomped off towards the car barefoot. Because, yeah, that's normal.  

Ladder Talk: 
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When we went to the pool place.
David: When I played pool with you. 
Tom: By the football and I make a goal. 

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When we couldn't keep playing. 
David: When I fell and hurt me on the knee.
Tom: That the climbing was so dumb.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: Play pool again.
David: I want to go to the zoo.
Tom: To eat chicken.

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