Wild Turkeys

After Nil's last visit, the boys constantly asked where Dil was. We ignored the fact that they cannot even get her name right and explained that Dil was in Turkey. I shit you not, Peter cracked up at that statement for almost an hour.

'Papa, come on - she is with the turkeys? What is she doing with the turkeys?'

It was at that point that I broke out a globe and gave Peter his first-ever geography lesson. Afterwards, he felt so bad that he took Dil out to the pub for a drink to help smooth things over. Şerefe!

As Peter and Dil were toasting to foul play (yes, I crack myself up), Mama was busy terrorizing Tommy with his first-ever parade.

Judging by his petrified stare, he was not having any part of the street-based freak show that is known as 'Fasching' in Germany. It's kinda like Mardi Gras, just without the boobies and moon pies.

As if it wasn't bad enough that poor Tommy had to fight off street weirdos, he also had to deal with a foxy vampire brother who likes destroying things.

The boys lined up for the traditional throwing of the candy, followed by the more traditional kicking, shoving and biting that is inevitable when thirty kids dive for the same piece of stale bubble gum. In the end, my boys managed to bag quite a bit of the good stuff.

If pictures could talk, I would probably start freaking out. After I got used to it, though, I think that Peter would be saying 'I'm proud to be the candy-bag man'. David would be chanting 'We got your candy, and you can't have it' at the kids crying just off camera, and Martina would most likely be asking 'are we done yet?'.

I can only wish that we were done at that point. Angie and I still had the dreaded task of bringing the sugar-frenzied crew to bed. After getting them into pajamas, brushing their teeth, having them kiss Mama goodnight, reading a book and tucking them into bed, I opened a beer. Surprise, surprise.

After ten minutes, I heard strange noises coming from the bathroom and went to investigate. David was in the dark bathroom, standing on one leg trying to balance himself on our scale.

'Ah, what the hell are you doing?'

'I need know how heavy is my foot.'

'You mean you want to weigh yourself?'

'No, just my foot.'

'Okay, Einstein. Back to bed. I'll explain this one to you tomorrow.'

So then I moved on to beer number two. On my third chug, I mean sip, I heard what sounded like a box of CDs falling. I rushed into the boys' bedroom and saw a bunch of broken CD cases on the floor. Damn, I'm good!

I looked up at the top bunk and caught a very nervous Peter staring into Papa's headlights.

'Ah, what the hell are you doing?'

'I wanted a CD.'

'Obviously, but as I've told you for the last four nights, the CD player is still broken.'

Peter went on to explain how he had balanced the box of CDs on the railing of his bed and decided to play one 'with my hand'. By this, genius boy meant that he had put the CD in the broken machine and started spastically spinning it until his flailing arm lost control and whacked the CD box that was so delicately perched on the edge of his bed.

'Okay, Einstein. Back to bed. I'll explain this one to you tomorrow.'
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Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When we had so many sweets from Fasching.
David: When I goed to the Fasching parade.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When Chiara needed to go.
David: When Tommy hit me.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To play darts and win with Papa.
David: To play with Chiara and Alessio.

Clowns gone wild

I've often wondered why so many people develop clown phobias. At Dalia's birthday party, I began to understand. At least Brian and Clarice didn't hire any clowns to frighten the children. No, they managed that one all on their own.

I don't know what scared me more - that Brian had a talking duck attached to his hand or that Ronald McDonald was carving the birthday cake with a butcher's knife. Look at that grin!

Somehow, the kids were completely oblivious to perilous mayhem that surrounded them. I just don't get it, though. That duck was so obviously evil. First of all, Patinjo was able to imitate Brian's voice perfectly. Seriously, I could not tell a difference. It was eerie and yes, it creeped me out. If Brian had started quacking at that point, I probably would've grabbed my kids and run like hell.

The second spooky-weird warning sign for me was when that duck kept diving into a bunch balloons and producing birthday gifts for Dalia. What the huh? I mean, come on - the whole playpen was full of balloons and this possessed bird just kept pulling out one gift after another. Explain that one, Batman.

Batman didn't explain jack, but the Penguin was on site and apparently ready to party like a rockstar.

Like most rockstars, the Penguin had a few odd quirks. At first, I didn't understand why he was drifting through the crowd handing out party horns. It didn't really hit me until I went upstairs to the party room, where the kids were listening to reggae.

I was shocked, but after a few moments in the party room, everything somehow seemed funny. Dalia had apparently not spent enough time in the party room, though.

'David! I said no! Stop popping the balloons!'

What Dalia does not understand is that David's brain translates the word 'no' as 'do it one more time'. If the word 'no' is accompanied by screaming, yelling, or crying, his gray matter instructs him to do whatever he is doing as many times as he can before someone yanks his ear. Unfortunately, Dalia does not know the 'ear trick'.

I finally made my way over and found the source for both the commotion and my subsequent laughter.

I didn't realize that all of the balloons were filled with confetti. None of the normal kids did, either. Destructo Dave somehow figured that out all on his own and simply ignored the birthday girl's pleas for him to stop until he had popped the very last balloon, featured here. Happy Birthday, sweetie!
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Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: Oh, come on Papa, you know - it was Dalia's birthday!
David: When I by the party make a funny and then I laugh, ha-ha!

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When I can't not by the party stay all the night.
David: To come home with you.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: Go to Dalia again and maybe be a princess, too.
David: To make Tommy laugh 'cause he a baby.

Don't ask

'Oh, Tommy. My cute, little, precious Tommy. You're so adorable - let me just go get my camera. Okay, now, smile for Papa. Yeah, that's right, smile for ...hey! HEY!! What the hell do you think you're doing?'

Don't ask. Let me just say that after changing my pants and socks, I vowed to always put the diaper on before taking pictures.

After getting Tommy finished, I called for David.

'Davey, come on! We're going to be late for school. Come get your coat on and ....whoa! What the hell are you supposed to be?'

Don't ask. Let me just say that the 'super-cool-viking-clown-with-spiderman-powers-that-make-you-go-boom-schpang-Papa-now-you-have-an-owa' costume was most certainly the talk of the kindergarten today. Even the teachers felt compelled to discuss David's outfit when Angie picked him up today.

After the past few blogs, you would probably wonder what the hell Angie was thinking when she hatched the brilliant plan to go sledding with the boys. I certainly did.


'Oh, boy, this is is gonna be FUN guys! We're gonna go up this hill and spend all day doing face plants and eating a lot of snow. Isn't that going to be...hey! Who stole Tommy's gloves?

Don't ask. This time, I mean it. Neither David nor Peter had the gloves - trust me, I even frisked David. I then walked back to the car and searched the side trails. They must have been stolen. Or were they?

'Honey, sweetie-pie, love-of-my-life...you didn't actually forget to pack a pair of gloves for our sensitive-skinned baby who, thanks to you, already has a snow phobia?

Don't ask.

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Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When I played with Frida like it was her birthday.
David: When I maked the picture in Malstube and Dalia helped me and then I played with Peter I was a pirate and Peter was my son a knight.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When Davey just hit me in the belly.
David: When I not more can make in the Malstube.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: I want to play with Tom.
David: Play with Tommy with his toys.