Bubbles!

I was on my way back from work when the Creature from the Black Lagoon attacked me. Again.  

'Um, hi Tommy. What do you think you're doing?'

'I gonna eat you!'

'Yeah, that's great. Where's Mama?'

I am the last person to write about addictive behavior, but when Mud Boy freaked on me in my own back yard, I had to draw the line.

'Angie! Tommy just assaulted me in the sandbox and when I asked Dirt-Head where you were, he enlightened me that you were once again playing the bubble game all afternoon.'

'Angie?'

'Angie?!'

'ANGIE!!!'

And that, my two readers, is the story of how the love of my existence rightfully earned the nickname 'Bubbles'.
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Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: That Arman come over and we could play.  
David: Was that I could play with Peter and Sebastian outside football.
Tom: That I was outside.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: That Arman needed to go where we wanted to go outside.
David: That an ouchy was hurting the whole time.
Tom: That I could not sleep by Alessio and Chiara.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: I want to play with Arman
David: I want to do something with my key.
Tom: Sleep by Alessio and Chiara.

Act Your Age!

Act your age!

Whether it's my Mom or my wife, that one never gets young. The phrase, of course.

Acting your age is never easy, which is why my philosophy has always been to pucker a funny face at society's mental outlook on life and enjoy. Or not. 

My mental mantra started to leak water earlier this year when David had to switch hockey leagues.

'I don't want to.'

'Too bad!'

'But...'

'So sad!'

'Papa!'

'Don't be mad!'

'Papa! That is not...'

'Just be glad...'

'Stop it, Papa!'

'...that I'm your Dad!'

As luck would have it, David stopped crying at exactly the same time I stopped laughing.

'Davey, come on - what's the problem? You're getting bigger - it's time to move to the big leagues!'

'Yeah, but Papa! I am the best player now. When I go to the big ones, they are, you know, ...too big.'

'You're right - the big ones are probably just gonna squish you like a bug for the first year, but hey! At least you get a kick-ass jersey.'

You might feel compelled to ask why David appears to be eagle-stranded on the sidelines while all of the other slightly taller kids played on the field. I might also feel compelled to ask you to politely silence such compelling questions. Luckily, we managed to keep our compulsions in check long enough for David to get his game one. His two-goal victory face came out on the way home.

Once home, there wasn't a whole lot of time to celebrate. Angie was hyperventilating something about being late to a party.

'Party? What party?'

Oh, that's right. Sami gained a gray one today and for some reason, his birthday wish was to have the Zoo Crew teach Lauri and Matti how to go even wilder.

On the way over, Tommy proved that he is a new dog that can still learn tricks. Thanks, Davey.

Most people, when invited to a friend's birthday bash, will at least wish the old bastard a happy wrinkle before settling down. Angie proved again today that she is not a normal human. 

'Hi, Angie, thanks for...'

'Yeah, yeah, WHERE'S THE BABY?!' 

I left Angie to breathe in that lovely 'new baby' smell and meandered over to check on spastic jumpers.

The sequence of note-worthy events that followed can be acutely summed up with these lovely gerunds: jumping-laughing-hopping-jabbing-screaming-leaping-giggling-poking-shouting-ignoring-shouting-ignoring-shouting-ignoring-punching-smacking-kicking-sobbing-chuckling.

Okay, the last one might have been me, but in my defense, it was pretty damn funny. Not so amusing was the major meltdown that pursued, telling a certain chisel-chested blogger with hairy feet that it was time to take worn out kids back to the ranch. Right, move out!

On the way home, Peter scored the equivalent of a brotherly canine hat trick.

'Oh, come on, Peter - act your age!'

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Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: That we was by Sami and Katherina.
David: That I got two goals by hockey.
Tom: That I jump with Lauri the whole time.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When Davey kicked me in the eye.
David: When Tommy hit me in the head with his elbow.
Tom: Why I get an owa on my knee.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: I want to play with my friends.
David: To sleep with Tom in my bed.
Tom: Play dragons with Chiara and Alessio.

Are you tired?

I saw this lovely gem for a fitness studio on my way back from my day shift. Maybe I just think too much, unless you ask Angie, but if I'm fat and ugly, do I really want to go to a gym that is jam-packed with a bunch of sweaty fuglies?

The whole thing did make me acknowledge that I need to go on a diet, so I picked up the phone and called my older half.

'Hey, Butter-buns, I was thinking about going on a diet. Could you cook dinner tonight?'

'What is that supposed to mean?'

'Um, nothing. Don't forget that Veris and Lena are coming over tonight. Gotta go, ba-bye.'

As it turned out, Angie did cook, but I don't think she was trying to help me kick off Operation Jelly Belly.

That's right - when we have guests over, we only serve them the finest pizzas that the Berg has to offer. At some point during Angie's one-course meal, Tommy made the mistake of going out on the balcony. His faux pas majeur was that David was inside. Oh, no you didn't! 

As Tommy tested our double pane windows with brotherly threats that involved David's cranium, Peter began stabbing holes in Veris' pizza box with his pencil. Chiara and Alessio were spending the night and when they started racing laps around the dinner table, I realized that it was time to start distracting.

Distracting is a parental methodology that Angie and I adopted when Destructo Dave was three. It started with a simple puzzle that we gave him to keep him from painting the walls red with Crayola. He immediately plopped down and two hours later, *TA-DA* - distracting was born and we've been perfecting it ever since.

Veris wasn't exactly nerving us, but we decided to go with him first. Angie gave him one of the kids' magnetic Erector Sets and *TA-DA*.

When something works like a charm, you tend to stick to the patterns that work. For us, the common link was obvious, so we tossed Lena a string of magnetic balls and *TA-DA*.

With Angie, it was either the kitchen or an Etch-a-Sketch. Since it didn't end with 'Holy shit! How did you set THAT on fire?', I guess you can imagine which option I opted for. *TA-DA*

I was about to task Peter with some mindless task that would surely distract the boy beyond human comprehension when Lena beat me to it. See, while she was supposed to be playing with a magnetic necklace, she was actually making a Möbius strip.

'A what?!'

Okay, I'm hoping that I'm not the only biped that has never heard of a Möbius strip. Angie babbles crap all the time that nobody in the family has ever heard of, but most of the time, we don't want to. For a change, I was actually curious to know what the hell a Möbius strip is. Peter one-upped me and asked Lena to show him how to make one.

As much as I love other people teaching my offspring things that I still don't grasp, I thought we should check back in with Angie. I mean, come on, it's been more than two hours. I'm sure she's come up with something cooler than a Möbius strip. A what?!

'Hey, that's, uh... mmmhh. Really? You drew a box house?'

Peter had just finished his lesson with Lady Lena and apparently did not appreciate my witty review of Mama's Etch-a-House. Neither did Angie, but she was busy drawing a chimney.

After being crowned with discarded science scraps, I decided it was time to kick the control group to bed and let the Alpha-dults get their party on.

I saw this lovely gem for adult fun on my way back from my night shift. Maybe I just think too much, unless you ask sketchy blonde chicks, but if I'm an adult ready to rock it like Plymouth, do I really want to play a game that is jam-packed with a bunch of puzzling tiles that just puzzle me? Hell, yeah!

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Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: That it was so hot today.
David: That we could lay and hear a story in school.
Tom: That we was outside.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: That I have a headache.
David: I didn't have one.
Tom: That I could have no pineapple.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: Buy mangos.
David: I want to be good in hockey.
Tom: I gonna play good with Elia.