Sunday, January 3, 2010

Perpetual drinking

For Christmas, I got a lot of really cool gifts, but this drunken bird tops the list. It's hard to explain, unless you are a skilled blogger. Check out my skillz.

Uh, what you gotta do, see, is tip the bird into the water and, uh... hold on, first it swings! Yeah right, it swings. And then...hold on, shit! The water's gotta be room temperature water, and then you tip the bird and it drinks forever. Perpetually. It's awesome!

Okay, I'm not a skilled blogger, but I do like drinking, I do know birds and I'm tellin' ya - that was an awesome gift! I would expect no less from a skilled officer of the law. Sure, Götz denies to this day that he was ever on the police force, but I'm still not buying it. How else would Detective G know that perpetual motion has been a fascination of mine since I was a little kid? And explain to me how he could possibly know that I had a bird collection until I was twelve. I'm telling you, the guy is thorough! That, or maybe he's just a stalker.

Götz is going to be Tom's Godfather. This was decided back in October, but I am so far behind on writing that, other than Eisi's birthday, I simply ignored October. It never happened. Don't feel bad, Götz - Angie's birthday was also in October, but I didn't write about that, either. Of course, you haven't been asked to be Tom's Godfather three dozen times, so I can't really compare the two. I'm sorry, please don't arrest me.

On the way to Officer Godfather, the boys confirmed once again that they could never be mistaken for wise men.

Isabel knew the way to David's belly - sugar. Lot's of it. You'll regret that, woman.

As David was busy stuffing his face with gummy bears and pancake batter, Tom was falling in love with Lisi.

First of all, her red hair matched his shirt. Second, Tom knows that David LOVES red and would love nothing more than to make his big brother jealous. Third, she giggled when he started swallowing marbles and spitting them at her. NOBODY does that, so she of course thought that he was the cooler than me. I know, hard to imagine.

The older boys had moved on to older women. Especially those that sprinkle powdered sugar on their waffles.

There's only so far you can wind up a toy. Eventually, you hear that irritating clicking noise that tells most normal people to stop winding. After sprinkling powdered energy on to their hypercakes, Isabel allowed the boys to smear spreadable chocolate on their adrenaline snacks. Click, click.

Before I go on, though, let's pause for a second. Bow your head and take a moment of silence to appreciate the aftermath of such reckless feeding.

One minute, I was enjoying a cup of undercover coffee with Götz. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a blur run behind the Christmas tree. Huh? Why is David laughing?

Soon after, Tom started plucking Christmas balls off of the tree like they were basketballs and what else is one supposed to do with basketballs other than bounce them. Mama jumped behind the tree to stop Tommy tree-wrecker and screamed at me to bring her a wet-wipe.

'Who the hell gave Tom jelly? It's smeared all over the floor! Yuck - stop it, Tommy'

I just assumed that Angie did not actually want an incriminating answer to her initial question. Instead, I brought a wet wipe, which was apparently not wet enough. My advice to spit on it was overruled by the 'look'. I know the 'look'. I even give it sometimes. Tonight was not one of them, though.

As the boys started throwing buckets of marbles at their cat, I started thinking. It doesn't happen often, but every now and then I amaze myself, Angie and any others that happen to be close by when my intellectual epitome strikes.

'Angie, let's go.'

Yes, sometimes it's just that simple.
Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When we go by the Lisi and she laugh 'cause she funny.
David: When Tom make the ball go boom and the bird is so funny.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When David pull the spring animal so hard - too hard and it almost kaput.
David: When Mama say I are not a good boy when I laugh so long.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To go to Dalia's.
David: To bring the rocket ship down and go bweeing, pang, zooooom!

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