Wednesday, May 22, 2013

We don't need no water...

I came home from work to find that a gaggle of weirdos had invaded my home. Before any witty donkeys start retorting, I do realize that our ranch is normally chock-full of freaks and Angie, but somehow today was even stranger.

The first of many birthday gifts from my lovely wife was cooked food. In case you've never read about any of Angie's previous culinary endeavors, let me just assure you that there are only two possible outcomes and both of them involve fire.

As soon as I came home, I bolted to the kitchen to crack open a brew-ha. Normally, I say hi to the family first, but today is my birthday. Dude, where's my beer?

I found the beer, but my eagle eyes immediately picked up on the fact that Angie was in the kitchen and two - I repeat - TWO burners were on. WTFIST?

The PG breakout of my initial thought was 'What is she thinking?'. Don't get me wrong - I really don't mind if Angie's mind dabbles with cooking, it's just that my mind prefers to have the kids safely tucked far far away before humans that I love set fire to the kitchy.

Against all odds, Angie managed to make a kick-ass potato salad and a scrumdiddlyumptious noodle salad. Chiara saved the day with hot bread and Peter, David and Tommy... well, actually, they didn't really help much. They were there, though. They ate. And, let's not forget, they ensured that the noise levels during dinner did not drop below levels that deafen the untrained.

After feeding, Tommy jumped up on a chair and demonstrated how he can make chipmunk noises.

Angie immediately hushed everyone so they could enjoy Tommy's newfound talent.

'He learned that from Steve! I can't do it, so it must be amazing!'

With that, Alessio and Chiara both tried it and nailed it. To make matters funnier, so did Peter, David and Sarah. I guess Angie is the only chipmunk-challenged person in our circle of life.

After Tommy's dinner show, I wandered into the kitchen to discover Angie's scrumptious faux pas.

'Yo Angie! I'm just speculating, but are you done cooking the empty pot of noodles?'

That's right, Betty Burner forgot to turn off the hot box after boiling her edible display of love. For that, I love her. Yeah, that's cute - can you hand me the fire extinguisher, please?

Luckily, Angie is accustomed to embarrassing food-scorching stories and has developed a sure-fire method for dealing with man-hunks cracking up at her from the 'smoking room'.

Yep, Angie's preferred method is to ignore giggling birthday boys and to spend hours sorting piles for the boys' sticker collection. They actually weren't interested at all, but at least it kept the ladies quiet. For a while.
Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: That you had your birthday.
David: Your birthday was the best.
Tom: Play computer. 

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: That we couldn't stay by the party the whole night. 
David: When the party started, we need to go to bed. 
Tom: Nothing was the worst part.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To ask you how it feels to be one year older. 
David: I want to stay up and watch soccer. 
Tom: Play computer.

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