Sunday, May 26, 2013

100 minus 93

This was actually about 12 hours before Disco Dave had any right to wear a birthday suit, but for some reason, he was begging to get clean. Don't ask me why. I've given up on trying to comprehend my wife's offspring.

12 hours later turned out to be 6:00 in the freakin' morning, when David burst into our bedroom screaming something about presents. At least he smelled presentable.

'Can I open them? Huh? Can I open them now? Huh? Huh? Can I?'

'No. We're not opening any gifts until your brothers are up.'

I didn't notice the slight pause as Davey's brain switched gears, but Angie's facial pillow-plant was followed by nasal thunder that signaled approval, but unfortunately drowned out any chance of me hearing coherent thoughts.

'My feet are cold. Can I go put on a pair of socks?'


I was just getting my dream on when I heard chaos from the other room. I jumped out of bed, raced down the hallway and found David in his room, repeatedly slamming his closet door.


I stood at the doorway and dumfoundedly watched as David karate-kicked his dresser drawer.


I was still scratching my head as to how the birthday boy had lost his mind when he noticed me.

'Oh, hey Papa. Um, Peter and Tommy are up now. Can I open my gifts?'

I looked over to the bed and saw Peter and Tom yawning and kicking off covers. To be honest, I was torn. It was David's birthday, so a few spankings were certainly in order, but in the end, I gave points for tricking his parents and headed to the coffee machine.

As David began his gift frenzy, Tommy yawned and demanded a coffee as well.

'Nice try, but I have a little rule that's called NO.'

David didn't ask for a cup o' joe, but his adrenaline levels were already pinging off the chart. A previously unknown side effect of happiness overdose is apparently jig dancing. Nice crown, buddy.

One of the hits this year was a bunch of new extensions for the boys' HEXBUG NANO robotic bug farm. Right, note to self - buy a shitload of batteries.

You might ask where Mama was this whole time. Sleeping? No, but a damn good guess. Angie was pinging around the house trying to clean up for a group of people who would be showing up later to completely trash the place.

'Angie, calm down! You still have two and half hours before anyone...'


I almost giggled, but something about Angie's twitchy eye warned my mouth to sit back in the closed position.

'Aaagggghh! I'm not even dressed yet!'

I thought about making an incredibly witty comment about how spiffy she looked in pajamas, but whoever had rung the bell must have really wanted in.


'Just go jump in the shower. I'll tell whoever it is that you normally sleep until noon and that you just woke up.'

My ears are pretty sure that Angie was vocally unthrilled with my plan, but I was too busy answering the door.

'Horst, Judy, hi! You guys are, uh, a little early.'

Judy coughed her explanation.

'I'm sorry - I'm sick and can't stay long. We just wanted to drop off the birthday boy's gifts before everyone showed up. Ba-bye!'

We wished Judy a speedy recovery, but their fly-by visit did mean that we had some extra time to finalize everything.

You might not think it, but Angie and I are actually more synchronized than SEAL team five. She finished vacuuming the dishes and dollied up as I picked up David's strawberry-covered birthday cake. Against all odds, we managed to rendezvous at exactly the point when the brigade of well-wishers hit our shores.

I have to admit, the rest of the afternoon was a bit of a blur. I remember that Tommy's Ute stopped by, but I don't remember how she managed to escape the trampede. Somewhere in the fog of my mind, I also recollect that it was Arman's birthday, but I left his celebration to Peter. It rocked.

At one point, I also remember asking David how his birthday was going.

Pictures can say a thousand words, but Tommy added a new tilt when he decided to scream three peculiar words at the end of the traditional Happy Birthday song.


Don't ask me why. I've given up on trying to comprehend my wife's offspring.
Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: That David has his birthday and that he got so much Skylanders and so many gifts.  
David: That I have birthday and all the friends were coming.
Tom: That Lauri and Alessio and Chiara was there.  

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: The worst part was nothing.
David: 'Cause I ask Taisiya ob Arman can spend but he can't.
Tom: That I cannot have the ring.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: Play with the Skylanders on the Nintendo.
David: I want to try the new level from Skylander Giants.
Tom: Nintendo, why I got new Skylanders.

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