Sunday, April 20, 2014

Spring Chickens

Considering that Peter comes home from school at 2:30, is in bed by 8:00 and normally takes about five and half hours to do his homework, I have no idea where he found the time to make us a family of chicken boxers. I was so flabbergasted that I also politely forgot to ask him what the hell chickens have to do with Easter. 

Tommy gave Peter's months of effort a courtesy shrug, but his main focus was on the hunt. See, this year was the first time that he really had a chance. Peter and David are getting older and didn't really want to waste their precious energy racing around the garden looking for eggs that they would never eat. Tommy, on the other hand, had more energy than he knew what to do with. 

At one point during Tommy's mad dash to secure boiled treasures, he announced to everyone in our neighborhood that is not hearing impaired that he was going to go look in the shed. Mama was the first to respond. 

'Sweetie, I'm fairly certain that the Easter Bunny did not hide anything in the...'

Before Angie could further waste her breath, Tommy had shoved his head into the welcome web that spanned the entrance. 

Angie immediately yanked Tommy out and started walloping him on the head, followed by a rather interesting heebie-jeebie dance that I would have totally photographed had I not been cracking up so fiercely.

Spider-head still had me chuckling when we got to Horst and Judy's for round two.

It is somehow fitting and true to form that Peter was the only one doing what normal humans would do with a bowl. 

The Easter egg hunt at Grams and Opa's was pretty much the same, only it ended with Grams and Opa searching the garden for the missing eggs that the boys had not been able to find. In their defense, Grams and Opa could not find them either. I thought about suggesting that maybe the dog ate them, but watching them dig through the bushes was just too amusing.  

Speaking of amusing, Barbara and Angie offered their help in getting lunch ready.

You might be asking 'Why the hell are they peeling asparagus on the living room carpet?'. If you weren't, you should have been. I sure was, but my brain rivals Albert and it eventually pieced E and MC together and concluded that my kitchen is not the only one where Angie has been barred.

I tried really hard not to laugh at my wife, but when that didn't work out, I was 'volunteered' to take the boys to the local playground. Let the games begin!

I called the first competition 'Who can do the craziest thing on a swing?'

Yup, Tommy won. Next on the list was 'How many kids does it take to lift Leif?'

I don't want to brag, but with just two kids on the other side, I rise like helium. Speaking of getting high, check out Snoop Dog, Jr. 

Directly after Peter's POWER PUSH, the concept of 'what goes up comes back to smash me in the face' dawned on him and he belly-dropped seconds before giggling Tom's arc came full circle. Luckily, we had not brought any naggy female types that might have certainly disapproved of what I can openly admit was a close call. 

Speaking of disapproval, Davey got a minor timeout when he tried to kick a ball into Tommy's face. His detention time was longer than usual, but only because he had succeeded.

The look says it all. 'I know I should not have done that, but come on, it was pretty impressive, right?'.

Before I could answer David's smug look, my phone rang, announcing that lunch was ready to be served. 

It's no secret that I love pictures of Angie stuffing her face. To me, it's just amazing that she gives me so much material. I didn't even ask her to pose for this one. 

After lunch, Peter and David took turns telling jokes. Now, don't get me wrong, I love a good crack, but there are only so many 'genie in a bottle' gags that I can tolerate. As dessert was passed around, my brain interrupted the comedy show. 

'I've got a joke.'

Angie, along with all of the humans related to her, turned to me with raised eyebrows. I ignored my wife's begging glares of 'please don't' and just, you know, went with the flow. 

'So, there was this boy who was born with just a head; he had no body, no arms and no legs.'

At this point, David and Tommy started howling. 

'Um, that wasn't the joke.'

After a slightly awkward moment, the boys settled down enough for me to continue. 

'So this little boy, who was just a head, would sit on the window sill and watch the kids across the street. They played basketball every day and every day, he wished that he could play with them. 

One night, he went to bed and wished that he could have hands, so that he could wave to the players. The next morning *POOF*, he had hands. He sat by the window and waved the entire day to anyone and everyone that would look at him. 

That night, he wished he could have a body so that he could perch a little higher up. *POOF* He spent the entire next day watching and waving. 

On the 3rd night, he wished he had legs so that he could go and play with the other kids. *POOF* He woke up the next day with legs and ran outside, screaming with excitement. 

He slammed the door shut and raced towards the park. As he crossed the street - BAM! - he was hit by truck. And the moral is - sometimes, it's better to stop while you're a head.' 

Angie glared at me again and if eyes could talk, I'm pretty sure hers would be asking me why I chose Easter Sunday to tell our children a joke about a kid with no arms and no legs that gets run over by a truck. Before my eyes could come up with a witty response, Peter, David and Tommy broke the silence with howls and tears of laughter.

I almost resisted a smirk before announcing to the boys that we would be holding our first annual Easter Hop. 

Peter went first.

'Pretty good, Peter. Love the peace sign - every contest needs a flying hippie. Tommy, you're up!'

'Nice form, Tommy! Next time, try to keep your eyes open. Right, Davey, let's go!'

David was worried that he was going to jump on my head, so I had to move back a bit before Considerate-boy would launch.  

'Awesome, guys! Great job!'

'What about you, Papa?'

'I couldn't, it would be like taking candy from a kid with no arms and no legs.'

'Aw, come on! Mama's not around.'

'You've got a point.'

I'm no spring chicken, but I'm pretty sure that I set the bar for next year's Easter Hop.  
Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When we was looking for sweets.
David: That today was Easter.
Tom: That we did find the Easter stuff like the sweets and the books and the games and yeah, that was cool.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: That we couldn't find two of the Easter stuff. 
David: I didn't have a worst part - it was super!
Tom: That David did throw'd a ball on my head.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: I want to stay overnight by Sebastian.
David: I want to visit Luca and Julius.
Tom: I want to have a cool day.

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