Spring is in the air...

Spring was definitely in the air, but I also caught a whiff of mild competition. But more on that fun smack-down later...

I'm sure that when Eisi invited us to his house for the weekend, his brain thought it was a good idea. This happens to me all the time. Like that one time when I asked Angie to preheat the oven and she almost burned the house down.

Anyway, Eisi's brain had apparently instructed him to run around his yard cleaning up all of the big stones from his garden, presumably so that the kids could play without hurting themselves.

The boys took one look at Eisi's nice pile of rocks and snickered. Within minutes, David had showed Clara how to use her scooter to transport the bigger stones and had taught Tommy how to be a supervisor.  

Clara only has one little sister (so far), so she didn't quite know how to handle things when all three brothers started fighting over how to redesign Eisi's garden. She did what most females do, though, and simply ignored them.

I don't know what was exchanged between them, but little Magdalena was not happy AT ALL with the third flower from the left. What did you call me?

After firing up the grill, Clooney wagged his tail. Now, I'm not a dog owner, so I just assumed that this meant that he was happy.

Eisi and Martha chuckled politely and explained that this meant that Clooney wanted to go jump in the river. At that point, all three of Angie's children cracked up and started wagging their butts. Right! To the river!

Clooney was having a ball fetching sticks from the river until the boys decided that it would be interesting for all of them to throw sticks at the same time. Apparently, dogs do not multitask very well. Who knew?

After a rather frustrating game of fetch, Clooney wagged his tail again, obviously indicating that we should go check on the grill. 

Eisi and Martha had bought enough sausages, steaks and white meat to feed five families. I didn't really understand their logic until I caught the Grill Master in action.

'So, Eisi, do you always drop a third of your cooked food on the floor? Is that for Clooney?'

'Um....yeah. That's for Clooney. Hey, look over there - Tommy is doing a cartwheel.'

And this is where the Competition Wars began. Tommy's simple cartwheel was the butterfly effect that prompted Eisi to show us how Clara can do a headstand.

Peter witnessed both the cartwheel and the headstand and wisely decided to stick to safer ground with what he would impress us with. Prepare to be wowed in 3...2...1...

Eisi golf-clapped Peter and Tommy's synchronized cartwheel and decided to move things to the next level.

'Oh, yeah? Well, that's nothing, Eisi. I'm sure that I could also...oh hey look, Clara is eating an ice-cream.'

I'm absolutely certain that I could have also done a headstand if I had wanted to, but I was suddenly more interested eating ice-cream and planning tomorrow's big trip to the amusement park.

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Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When we was by Eisi and Martha.
David: When I threw the stick to Clooney and he go so crazy in the water. 
Tom: When Clara help me by the stones.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When I hurt my arm from climbing on the tree.
David: When I fall down on my knee and it hurts.
Tom: When I no do the flip so good.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To go to Europa Park with Eisi.
David: To go on the rides.
Tom: To go to the Disneyland place.

Yeah. Alot.

We interrupt this broadcast to take you live to the City Hall, where Peter Johnson, the Class Speaker for the fourth grade and the eldest son of the infamous Johnson's Zoo, is currently giving an interview. 

'So, Mr. Johnson, did you like the Children's Day sponsored by the Mayor of Heidelberg?'

'Yeah. Alot.'

'Thank you. Now over to Irmgard for the weather...'

What? Are you kidding me? Peter was elected Class Speaker at the beginning of the third grade, so after two years in the role, I kinda thought that he would have blossomed beyond 'Yeah. Alot.' And who conducts an interview with their hands in their pockets?

Next on the agenda was the city planning station, where the Class Speakers were each given a blank city district and some common components that they could use to build the city of the future.

Peter summed it up nicely over dinner as he was recapping the day.

'The adults wasted all the space with seven apartments, two supermarkets and three daycare centers!'

'And how did you design the city?'

'Oh, it was awesome. We had four soccer fields, two playgrounds, and an ice-cream shop.'

'Interesting. Was the Mayor part of this exercise?'

'No, he joined us after we test drove the garbage truck.'

'The what?'

The boys were interested in all of the gadgets that they cram into the dashboard of a garbage truck, but what REALLY impressed them was the big Bayer sticker just below all of the hickery-doo-bobs that indicated that the driver is really into aspirin. That, or he was a Bayer Leverkusen fan. I'm not sure. At least it wasn't Bayern Munich.

After picking up garbage, they got to ride in a street cleaner, a firetruck and a mobile book bus. Then Peter lost his mind and decided to spray paint graffiti all over the wall directly in front of the Mayor's office. Dr. Eckart Würzner even came out to give the troublemakers a piece of his mind.

Considering that the Mayor did not actually say much AND he had his hands in his pockets, I may have to reconsider the unsolicited advice I had given to Peter.

Apparently, the spray paint exercise was designed to teach the kids how difficult it was for the city to remove the graffiti, which was their task after destroying the pretty white wall. I won't ponder on the wisdom of city officials, but I will say that several of the kids interviewed stated that their best part of the day was spray painting the wall. Not cleaning it up. No, their thrill was definitely anchored in the defacement phase. Now I'm no Nostradamus, but I'm pretty sure that at least three street hoodies were born today.

All in all, it sounded like a really cool day. My only parting advice to Peter would be that the next time he decides to spray paint City Hall, he should probably leave his mask on until he's out of the Mayor's sight. 

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Ladder Talk: 
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: That I could speak with the Mayor and ask him stuff. 
David: That I found my new Yu-Gi-Oh cards.
Tom: That I could be the first one by 'what is in there?'.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: Was that Mom said that my writing is not pretty.
David: That I couldn't go to Yuki's.
Tom: That my thing is don't going.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: I want to play with my friends and my brothers. 
David: I want to go to Yuki's.
Tom: I want to go to Lauri's - when can I go to Lauri's?

Double Digit

A decade worth of living is definitely worthy of a fair share of laughter and tears. And not necessarily in that order. 

I set my alarm to wake up even earlier than what I already consider to be insane. I did this because Peter has been known to wake up insanely early when he is bubbling with excitement. Oh yeah, and because today is also April Fool's Day.

I raced around the house setting all the clocks to 9:00. I even changed my phone, the computer and Peter's iPod, because you know - I believe in being thorough. Then I ran into Birthday Boy's room and let my overly muscular lungs flex.

'Peter! You gotta wake up NOW! We slept in and you're late for school! Come on, come on - it's 9:00!! Let's GO, GO, GO!!'

Peter normally leaves the house at 07:30, so he immediately sprang into action. I chuckled as he ripped open closet drawers and wondered how many more years I would have until he simply ignores anything I say to him on his birthday. In his defense, it's not that far of a stretch that we would accidentally sleep in until 9:00.

After a speed brushing of his teeth that would have revolted any dentist, Peter raced by the living room and saw the pile of gifts and balloons on the table.

'Um, do you think I could open....'

'No time, Peter! Get moving!'

'Okay, but I'm hungry...'

I ran to the kitchen, grabbed a pack of crackers, ignored dirty looks from a woman with no sense of humor, and raced back to the front door.

'Here you go, buddy. Off you go!'

At that point, Peter lost the battle with his lip that, according to any clock in the house, had started at approximately 09:00 this morning. I had been fully prepared to ride it out until Peter had gotten to the front door downstairs, where I was planning to shout 'April Fool's Day' on the intercom. Needless to say, I didn't let our first born leave the house sobbing. Even needless-er to say, Angie intervened before I could kick him out the door.

After a well-deserved punch in the arm, a table full of gifts and two pieces of chocolate French toast, Peter decided to finally make peace with me.

David was still cracking up at how 'Papa changed ALL the clocks and tricked Peter - that was mean, but it was funny too because it was not me.'

After breakfast, Peter still had another thirty minutes before he had to really leave, so we let him monkey around with some of his presents.

After school, the usual suspects stopped by. Grams and Opa came for coffee and cake. We had originally planned on going to the Schnitzel House for dinner, but inconsiderate David contracted an inner ear infection yesterday so he was on antibiotics and quarantined to the house.

Tommy's Ute also popped in, followed by Arman, who helped our Poster Child unwrap Simone's mega hit.

You might think that one April Fool's joke is enough, but as I mentioned - I believe in being thorough. This morning's mad dash was actually just the mild tremor before the devastating earthquake. See, my plan was to get the prank out of the way early so that Peter would let his guard down. It worked.

Before I continue explaining how horrible of a father I am, let me backtrack to yesterday. David was home sick and Angie had an important meeting, so I was volunteered to tend to fever and tears. Thanks, Butter Buns!

When Angie came home, we tagged and I raced off to the local tobacco shop. I then explained to the lady that I wasn't there to buy smokes.

'Hi, I'm trying to prank my overly trusting son. I need a blank lottery ticket.'

'You need a what?'

'A blank lottery ticket. See, I have a video from last year showing the winning lottery ticket and I want to get him to fill in the winning numbers so I can play an April Fool's joke on him tomorrow.'

'You're evil.'

'I know. How much?'

Tobacco lady just laughed and handed me a blank lottery ticket. Ka-ching!

When I got back home, I gave Peter the lottery ticket and explained that he could win 17 million Euros. I then embellished on the legal gambling age for Germany.

'Yeah, but you have to be at least ten years old to play.' 

'But, Papa! I'm going to be ten tomorrow!'

I ignored Single Digit's news flash and focused on putting the worm on the hook.

'That's great, Peter, now listen - we have to pick 8 numbers randomly. How about we just take a deck of cards and flip each card to get the numbers?'

'Cool idea!'

I then reached for my 'special' deck of cards, which I had already pre-loaded. Peter unwittingly wrote down the 8 winning numbers and went to bed with wishful delusions of grandeur. I'm an excellent father. 

So now back to today. Seven o'clock in the PM, to be precise, which is when I told Peter that the lottery drawing would take place. For hours, Peter had been checking the time, anxiously waiting for the moment to come. Peter was so busy thinking about how he would spend his winning prize that he didn't notice when I hooked up my laptop to the TV just minutes before the lottery drawing.

'Okay, Peter, it's about to start. Go get your card and make sure you mark any numbers that you get. And don't forget - the lottery is really hard to win, so you can't be upset if you don't get any of the numbers.'

As the balls rolled out of the cage, Peter took his pen and marked off each number.

'45...I HAVE 45!'

'2...I HAVE 2!'

'17...I HAVE 17!'

'48...I HAVE 48!'

'14...I HAVE 14!'

'4...I HAVE 4!'

'27...I HAVE 27!'

'8...I HAVE 8! Papa!! I have all of them!!'

The picture may be a bit blurry, but I love the whole 'hair in motion' look as he whipped his head around to claim his jackpot. Not that it matters - I honestly did not have time for a second money shot; Peter was too busy racing off to the kitchen to tackle his mother.

I know, I know, what the hell was Angie doing in the kitchen, right? Well, Sicko Dave had already nixed our plans for eating Schnitzels and I was busy being cruel to children, so Angie had somehow volunteered to burn pancakes for the boys. Um, I mean 'make'.

So anyway, in comes Peter with a luck-eating grin.

When he was done hyperventilating, Peter spastically explained to Mama how he had just won the lottery.

'Wow! That's awesome! What did you win?'

'17 thousand Euros!!'

At that point, Peter turned to me to confirm the amount.

'April Fools!'

David was in the kitchen and watched Peter's face as the reality sunk in.

David put a hand on Peter's shoulder and tried to help things.

'Actually, it was 17 million.'

For some reason, Peter didn't thank David. Instead, he ran into the living room and tried to convince Tommy that his father is a jerk. Tommy didn't have a clue as to why Peter was upset, but he apparently resorts to binge eating whenever people around him are sad.

Even I felt a little bad, so Angie and I surprised him with his last birthday gift, which were tickets to see Adel Tawil, his first real concert. This helped a little, but he was still giving me daggers and refusing to talk to me. Angie picked up on this and whispered into Peter's ear the concept of revenge. Peter then gulped down his dinner and ran off into the other room giggling, confirming that a decade worth of living is definitely worthy of a fair share of laughter and tears. And not necessarily in that order. 

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Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: That I got so many gifts and that everyone was happy. 
David: That it was Peter's birthday. 
Tom: That it was from Peter the birthday. 

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: That you did the mean joke about Lotto. 
David: That Tommy throwed me on the floor and then I falled on my ear.
Tom: I don't got a worst part. 

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: I wanna play with friends. 
David: I can't do anything because I have a middle ear infection. 
Tom: Play on the computer.