Saturday, November 20, 2010

Brothers in leather

Speaking of sickening, I can't wait to see the search hits that come from naming this one "Brothers in leather". [For those freakos expecting something else, go wash your brain out with soap.]

On the weekend, I normally try and plan something fun for the boys. Not today, though. Tommy was sick and my creativity meter hit snooze until Mama smashed it with her cleaning hammer.

'Get out.'

'Oh, see - I actually had a different plan. I thought I would just hang out on the sofa with Tommy and maybe watch a...'

'Get out.'

I still don't understand the logic behind cleaning a house that houses three boys and me, but logic and I haven't been on speaking terms for ten years. Now, some of you math types with your fancy calcumalators might bring up that Angie and I have only been married for seven years. To that, I would remind you that Angie and I dated for three years. Now do the math.

My brain had only had one cup of coffee before Mr. Clean's number one fan decided that running the vacuum while tending to a sick two-year old was somehow a fair trade for dumping an aesthetically pleasing and hairy-chested man-hunk with two rather loud and energetic boys, so I decided to impress Peter and David with what only seems like a run-on sentence. When this didn't work, I resorted to letting them ride the escalator.

They weren't being lazy; there are just so many hours that you can spend on an escalator before you need to sit down and take a break. They are lazy, though.

Next on Papa's fun-filled plan of action was a little thing I like to call 'eating'.

The boys were intrigued. It was a relatively new concept for them, so I tried my best to explain what 'eating' entailed. I would have probably done better to go through what doesn't constitute 'eating'. Gulping down your Coke and burping the alphabet, for example, doesn't. But kudos for making it to V, Davey.

All burping aside, the boys seemed genuinely interested in learning more about this whole 'eating' thing that Papa was raving about. Halfway though my explanation, though, the boys donned their coats and went outside, apparently to practice for the next auditioning of 'Jackass'.

This baffled me, since it had nothing at all to do with eating. It actually had the opposite effect for me, so I pushed my plate away and decided to stick to moving staircases.

On the way home, we passed by a Lion's Club stand. The only thing that could have been cooler for David would be if the lion had been red. He overlooked this, though and demanded a hug.

Luckily, I am secure enough in my fatherhood that I was not jealous at all. [Note to self: buy an oversized lion outfit - a red one.]

When we got home, Peter started rubbing it in that he was going to spend the night at Artin's and how much fun he was going to have while Davey was stuck at home doing nothing with nobody. I gave Peter several warnings to knock it off, but he must get his listening skills from his mother.

In the end, Peter was being such a horrible little shit to Davey that I finally had to come to his rescue. I explained to Peter that we were converting the living room into a movie theater, making pop-corn and renting Toy Story 2, which Peter has been dying to see.

In the end, I actually did manage to plan something fun for the boys to do on the weekend. Just not Peter.
Ladder Talk:
[Peter was too busy missing out on a kick-ass movie to do Ladder Talk.]
1) What was the best part of your day?
David: That I can watch the movie and Peter not.
Tom: That I a boat, Papa.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
David: That Tommy is sick.
Tom: When I want the whale and whoosh, bam, owa and I cry like this - boo hoo.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
David: To go climbing on the wind.
Tom: I want twick-o-tweet.


  1. I love that Tommy is doing Ladder Talk now! Too cute!

  2. Yeah, he's a bit repetitive. His best is usually driving in the Smart, so I have no idea what boat he was babbling about (probably gets that from Mama). The worst is normally crying, which he is very good at and since Halloween, tomorrow is always to go twick-o-tweet. :-)