Eeevil!

Every morning for the past six years, my boys have woken me up with either loud screaming or spastic kicking. Sometimes both. I've gotten used to it by now, so when I woke up this morning to only Angie's snoring, I freaked out. I raced into their bedroom to confirm that they had been kidnapped and found Peter and David playing cars with Tom. What the huh?

'Hey, have you guys raided the medicine cabinet again?'

'Oh, hi Papa! Watch this!'

Peter then ran up and snatched a car from the big pile in front of Tommy's feet. Tom immediately squinted his eyes, gritted his teeth and charged Peter and David. When he started beating them with his car-clenched fists and grunting like a wild boar, Peter and David completely lost it. What the huh?

They laughed their asses off as I contemplated my options. On the one hand, it was pretty funny. I just wasn't sure if it was wise to actually be training Temper Tom to beat people. That might sound all 'fatherly' to you, but I was actually just worried that he might kick my ass next. I was about to break it up when Tom scowled, pointed and started gutturally growling his new word at me.

'Eeevil!'

That's just great - he can't even pronounce his own freakin' name yet, but they are teaching him to curse people. I turned to Peter and David to yell at them, but they were busy lying on the floor and clutching their bellies. Whatever.

'Hey, Angie - is that coffee done yet?'

'I don't know - are you done making it?'

'Eeevil!'

'What?!'

'Eeevil!'

As per usual, Angie ignored my guttural requests for her to do anything in the kitchen. That's okay, though; I haven't serviced the fire extinguishers lately. Besides, boiling water and pouring it might sound relatively safe, but so did tossing a salad.

After exorcising a pot of evil, we took the demons over to Dalia's for her baby sister's baptism bash.

I don't know what's funnier - that Brian is wearing a suit or that Elina is completely distracted by David, who is just off camera and making faces at the recently baptized. Before I could decide, my mental happy hour bell rang and I forced Tommy to open up the bar.

After a happy hour of boozing it up, the kids moved on to jealousy hour. This involved pushing, shoving, and pulling. Not surprisingly, a female was to blame.

'It's my turn to push.'

'Nice try, Peter - back up!'

Peter took the last command a little too literally and face planted Lenny in the dirt, with his back up. Lenny returned the favor with a command that I like to call 'elbow smack' before we decided to move the trio inside to play with the strange kid.

'Mommy, why is that little boy poking that doll in the eyes?'

'Eeevil!'

'I don't know, sweetie. Just go back out to the swings.'

It was about that time that we rounded up the Zoo Crew and decided to head back to the cages. On the ride home, the car's funk-o-meter started pinging away, so I informed Pig Pen, Hog Sty and Mes Sy that we would be hosing them down. As soon as we got home, though, the filthy beasts disappeared.

Considering how cluttered our apartment normally is, this was actually pretty good camouflaging. Had it not been for Tommy's muffled screeching, the boys could have probably camped out in their cave for weeks before we would have discovered them.

After hosing the bugs down, David flashed me his money.


His money was found a few days ago in the garden. After checking with the neighbors, my wallet, and Angie's purse, we decided that it was his to keep. And keep it he has. He sleeps with it, he eats with it, and after tonight, we know that he also bathes with it. If it were a pet leech, I'd probably put my foot down on the whole 'bathing' part of his monetary bonding.

After swimming in money, I told Daddy Warbucks it was time to march his rich ass to bed.


David does occasionally follow directions, but he normally twists them to fit his own warped interpretation. Tonight was no exception as he made his way down the hallway. I am quite sure that the neighbors, along with Tom, thoroughly enjoyed David's mile in my shoes, but cruel Papa put an early end to his little bed stomp. Tom was less than delighted, so his good night kiss to me seemed more like a curse.

'Eeevil!'
--------------------------------------------
Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When I played animals with Dalia.
David: When we go to Dalia's.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When I almost broke your glasses 'cause I bounced on the bed and got you in the face.
David: When I not more can play.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: Play with Dalia.
David: Play with Dalia 'cause she my girlfriend and I are her boyfriend.