Sunday, April 4, 2010

Happy little Easter bugs

My first question would be 'how the hell was I even able to get this picture?' My second question would be 'how the hell could I publish this picture and not end up on the sofa?' To answer myself in reverse order - I did.

In Angie's defense, she did not actually realize that I was snapping hundreds of pictures of her. The animals woke up at the butt-crack of dawn and began jumping on Mama's head, shouting something about Easter and demanding chocolate. Angie made the mistake of asking me to get her hangover goggles from the other room.

I of course obliged Sleeping Beauty, but I also grabbed my camera. Then I used amazing wit and incredible humor to conjure the lovely shot featured above. After five minutes of photographing my happy little Easter bug, she finally realized what I was doing. Before she could object, though, the boys stormed in and started stomping on her head again.

There are so many reasons why I love my boys, but today - coming to my rescue and squashing Mama topped the list. Thanks, buddies!

We eventually got the egg heads dressed and ready to go hunting. On the drive to Grams and Opa's, David had a slight meltdown. It all began when Angie started shouting like a lunatic as we passed an open field.

'LOOK!! Did you see the bunnies? LOOK! There they are!'

David was actually half-asleep until crazy woman started screaming. For some strange reason, he suddenly woke up and began frantically searching for bunnies.

'Mama, I no see a bunny.'

Peter decided to play the role of Big Brother and tried to help.

'I saw it - it was cool.'

Okay, maybe ass-monkey didn't help out so much. Suddenly, the car was filled with the screeching sounds of David. Soon after, Tom woke up from his peaceful nap. His lungs apparently sided with David, which made for a rather enjoyable Sunday drive. Thanks, bro.

We finally arrived at our destination where Angie and I reflected on what could be avoided in the future. After what turned out to be a rather heated discussion, Angie finally agreed to avoid pointing out animals while driving until David's eyes are mature enough to actually see them.

As we reflected on lessons learned, Peter waited in anticipation for The Great Hunt to begin.

Patience is a virtue that neither Angie nor her children possess. I would probably have joined the impatient bunch had it not been for my father. That bastard knew how to really torment children when it came to waiting. Christmas and Easter were the worst, though. He would lock us up in our room so that he could 'prepare' everything. I realize now that this involved loading his camera with film, making a pot of coffee and watching the Godfather trilogy.

Knowing all too well that I need to break the kids in gently, I only made them wait for 30 seconds so that I could position myself for a nice shot of the hounds being let loose.

I actually had wanted a picture where Tommy was facing forward, but I only had one shot before they blew past me, already fighting about who would collect the most eggs.

Tommy didn't collected the most, but he certainly won the award for smashing the most. David came close to retaining his title after refusing to use an egg basket like normal humans.

This was the year where Peter's competitive nature kicked it up a notch. He raced around the garden like a maniac, tripping David and tackling Tom whenever they got in his way. When he had secured enough eggs to guarantee his win, he paused for photographic proof of how insane he was being. Nice grin, psycho.

At one point, Tom got a little too close to discovering another one of Peter's eggs, who began growling and foaming at the mouth. Opa came to the rescue and scooped up Tommy before Old Yeller went rabid on him.

After counting up smashed eggs and those being guarded heavily by Peter, Grams announced to the search party that there was still one egg missing.

After an hour of searching, I was really beginning to wonder if Grams wasn't secretly cracking up inside. Yeah, guys - keep looking for that missing egg.

Super-Barb finally came to the rescue.

Peter and I glared at her, but for completely different reasons. Peter was just pissed because he's greedy. I simply wanted to know why the hell she was out saving the day without her superwoman costume.

My first question would be 'why the hell was Super-Barb sporting napkin holders for a mask?' My second question would be 'is it really my fault that your sister does goofy things that are blogworthy?' To answer myself in reverse order - Yes.
Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: Looking for eggs from the Easter bunny.
David: When we eat the candy and the Easter egg that was yum-yum-yum.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When I bonked my funny bone and it was not so funny and you laugh.
David: I have not a worst part 'cause I cry not and I not bonk myself on the silly bone like Peter.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: I want to play something alone.
David: Play with Mama belly-bumper.

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