Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Wild Turkeys

'Tis the season to be insanely ecstatic, I guess. We opened non-Santa gifts last night, though, and Tommy was mega excited over a pack of wrapped batteries, so it obviously doesn't take much. Get you motor running...

Speaking of insane, I want to thank Nicole again for her holiday madness when she went shopping for the boys. Can't buy me love? Bullshit.  

David had so many aneurism-worthy gifts that he almost collapsed. In the end, he decided on a combination of two of his most passionate addictions and settled down for a game of Star Wars Monopoly.

Some of you might ask why he wasn't playing the new Nintendo 3DS XL that he got last night from Grams and Opa. For those of you who might not ask, you're getting the story anyway. Deal with it.

Well, the short answer is that Nintendo sucks. So do the stores that sell Nintendo, but that is beside the point. The long and crushingly funny answer is that the damn thing does not come with a charging adaptor. And you can't just use any adaptor. No, that would be too consumer friendly. Nintendo's brainchild of a sales scam is that you have to go out and purchase a special adaptor from, imagine that, Nintendo. That's like buying a car for ten dollars and then being told that it only works with a custom fitting steering wheel (not included), which costs 20,000 dollars. And now the funny part - the stores are closed for the next two days, so David can only cradle his new game console and cry. Thanks, Nintendo.

Okay, David wasn't really crying. I was, shortly after taking a mental account of all the Lego shit that I would be building for the next month. It was at that point that Peter gave me an unwrapped and unexpected gift.

That's right; Peter is now old enough to build his own freakin' toys. Even cooler than that, his ego is at a massagable stage where I can still get away with tactics like 'Wow! Peter - that is amazing. You're such a good Lego Monster Fighter builder. You're WAY better than I am. Do you think you could build Tom's, too?'

You can think that I'm an ass, but I so totally know that you would try the same. Welcome to my world.

My world revolves around several stabile forces, one of them being lateness. We were supposed to be at Grams and Opa's for turkey dinner and, as per usual, we had a series of malfunctions leaving the house that meant we were a tad late. Angie studied Latin for almost a decade so I'm sure she'd agree with me that 'tad' is just a fancy Latin term for 'really'.

Our only real contribution was to make mashed potatoes. This becomes a bit tricky if you forget the bag of potatoes at home. I blame Angie for this, but I don't really have a reason that would hold up in a court of law. Luckily, Horst and Judy have a nuclear fallout shelter in the basement equipped with a few hundred bottles of wine and, as luck would have it, potatoes.

Boiling the potatoes was not difficult, but since we started later than planned, I also delayed dinner. The tricky part of mashed potatoes is actually the mashing. My potato masher was in the bag with the potatoes that Angie forgot to bring, so I used an electric vegetable chopper.

The handheld blender might be great for making a kickass carrot salad, but it immediately mashed the potatoes way behind recognition. I give Angie enough shit when she burns dinner, so I have to be fair - I served up a big-ass bowl of glue. And it was my ONLY contribution!

David is a potato freak and still ate two helpings. I served up Peter a 'plop' of stickiness that I thought for sure would break the plate. I'm fairly certain that most other servings will break Judy's dishwasher in the next run. Just use a chisel.

 Despite the starchy faux pas, dinner was excellent!

Judy tends to cook meat longer than any recipe suggests. This year, she explained that she cooked the turkey for less time and on a lower heat. I took my first bite and thought 'Wow, this is the juiciest turkey I've ever had.' Judy took her first bite and had a different review. 'It's not done - the turkey's not done.'

The turkey was done and tasted great, as did everything else, except the side dish of glue. After dinner, the boys started to wind up. Shortly after, they started to wind down. It was not surprising, considering that they woke up at 4:00 A.M. I'm sorry; let me change that last sentence slightly. It was not surprising, considering that WE woke up at 4:00 in the freakin' morning.

On that note, goodnight and have a pleasant Boxing Day. I'm sure our boys will celebrate this in their own special way.
Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: That we got even more presents.
David: That I won two times against you in Monopoly.
Tom: That we did have ice-cream.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: That we didn't take the other Lego pieces that I needed to have to build more.
David: That I couldn't play Nintendo.
Tom: That we could play not computer.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: I want to make more of my Lego Monster Fighters.
David: Play some more Monopoly.
Tom: Play that with the slide.

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