Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Dunk me a river

Road Trip Day 11: What is that smell?
Tom can be such a cute and content baby. Sometimes. What's unusual about this picture is that he's actually awake. I was taking the pictures, so it wasn't my cool ass that he was grinning at. It wasn't Mama, either, since his mouth was clearly not open in 'boob me' mode. Mmmm...what the hell else could be so intriguing for little Tommy?

Aaahh, now it all comes together. Tom obviously stamped, sealed and approved Peter's diabolical plan to choke David and send him down the river. Hey, Davey - you might want to stop sitting on Tommy's head, not to mention whatever the hell it was you did to piss off Peter.

At least the hotel was awesome. Aside from having a completely separate and almost soundproof room for the kids, they were also able to provide Angie with Internet for her Crackbook fix. After a quiet evening of booking faces and ordering beers from the 24 hour bar, we woke up to an exquisite French buffet and a lake full of crocodiles. Peter ate very little, but it provided him with enough energy to show us his new 'dunky' trick. Ah, brotherly hate.

Somehow, David managed to escape Peter's clutches and narrowly escape being thrown into the reptilian bath. Dirty Dave could have certainly used a bath, though, not to mention Stinky Pete, Toe-jam Tom and Mucky Mama. Papa smelled like roses, of course, depending on your smell buds.

At one point, the car's funk-o-meter was pinging so loudly, I had to stop at a French rest stop. When I opened the car door, a wave of Funky Frenchness hit me that made my nose question life. David didn't seem to mind, but then again, I wouldn't expect him to. He was quite content 'driving' as Angie went to 'freshen up'.

In the end, David drove as much as Mama freshened, only Angie managed to come back with a wet cell phone. A wet what?

Let me back track a few minutes prior when Angie was walking to the public toilets at a pit stop on the French highway. As she walked away, my maleness checked her out. The sun reflected on her back pockets, which had cute little gems sewn in them. Man, I wish my ass could sparkle like diamonds!

If you had looked closer, which you shouldn't have since she's MY wife, you would've seen a tiny chain with a charm on it hanging out of one pocket. This was Angie's 'phone jewellery', also known as the 'biggest freakin' waste of money since toe rings', if you would ask me. And I'm so sure you would.

So now I should pause and give you a little background on French public toilets at rest stops, in case you have never had the pleasure. The 'toilet' is basically a hole in the ground that tests your sense of balance and gag reflexes at the same time. Angie is complete shit at balance and I better just stop there. In short, she tipped over and involuntarily tested how crap-proof her cell phone was. Way to go, Vodafone! If you guys wanna steal my idea for a commercial on how your phones can take crap off of anyone, just pay me in Canadian dollars, please.

Angie's brain somehow convinced her that a little hand sanitizer and a sunbath on our dashboard would make all that other shit simply disappear. In the end, it actually worked and Angie made me swear to her that I would keep the whole thing on the 'down low'. I don't know what the hell she was talking about, but as is often the case, I just nodded. It was cool and it's not often that she does something that's not geeky, so we gave Mama a pass. Even Peter had no chance against Mama's cool 'dunky' trick.
Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When we go'ed home.
David: When we come now here to home.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When I missed kindergarten.
David: When I cried 'cause I wanted to kindergarten go, but the kindergarten closed is.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To go to kindergarten with all the Gormitis.
David: Play with Peter by the kindergarten in the moon group.

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