Wednesday, July 8, 2009

May the wind rise up to meet you

Road Trip Day 4: Animals attack Ireland
May the road rise up to meet you,
may the wind be ever at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face
and the rain fall softly on your fields.
--Irish blessing

This blessing is apparently not meant to welcome non-Irish visitors. First of all, there are no roads going into Ireland. As you can see here, the wind was most certainly not on our backs and sorry, but what sun? It was so freakin' cold I had to buy a Guinness jacket and when the ferry landed in Dublin, it started pouring. Are you trying to tell us something?

We woke up early so that we could get on the road and say goodbye to England, with all of its lovely roundabouts, fish and chip mourners, and quarantined zoos. Ta, ta-ra, luvs.

After wind-blasting the kids on the top deck, I took the stowaways down to the ship's galley for a game of cards with one of the commoners.

I had a ball watching Angie getting her ass kicked in round after round of Uno. Angie had a ball watching me crack up. At least I think she did. Come to think of it, I didn't really ask her. But who wouldn't appreciate being laughed at by an extremely handsome gentleman for repeatedly losing a brain-dead simple game to a couple of underteens?

We hit land and got to our hotel in rather good time. We then had the rest of the afternoon open to do whatever the kids wanted to do. Peter chose to sit on a rock and scowl at me.

Something about being in the Land of the Ire had turned our boys mean. Just look at how rough this immigrant gang is. They have exchanged one sock each in what is surely some gang ritual worthy of Irish street cred. The equally mismatched hooligans didn't stop there, though. Oh no, their stone-cold treachery had no limits. They even criss-crossed the Velcro straps of their shoes in some kind of rebellious slap at society's conformation! Why don't you punks just go back to your own country!

Okay, not so gangsta badass was when Mama tried teaching the boys how to skip stones.

Besides the obvious WTF, I explained to Angie that it is not possible to skip stones over handed. Blank look. 'You see, the stones are heavy and if you want them to bounce off of the water, you need to throw them at an angle that is almost parallel to the water'. Blank look. Ah, forget it. Let's eat!

Throughout our whole trip so far, we have had nothing but junk food. Candy, burgers, pizza - you name it; if it makes you fat, we were chowing down on it. At the hotel, they had a buffet set up and the boys piled up a huge plate of...broccoli and cauliflower?!

At least now we know the trick. The next time we want them to eat their vegetables, we just need to feed them deep-fried bacon and chocolate soup for three days.

After a meal fit for a vegan, I took the healthy nuts to the pool, because everyone knows that the best time to go swimming is directly after eating. I'm an excellent father.

Nothing tires children out more than a little chlorine in their eyes. I wanted to be sure, though, so I splashed a lot of chlorine in them. They cried, but I'm not sure if it was my laughing or the sting of chlorine. I'm pretty sure that crying makes you sleepy too, though, so it was a win-win situation. Definitely an excellent father.

I got back to the room to find Angie with her Face in a Book enjoying a nice glass of wine.

After getting the kids to bed, I asked her if she wanted to play Uno. Blank look. 'It's a card game using a special deck with bright colors and big numbers on them.' Blank look. Ah, forget it. Let's sleep!
Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When I played with my new friends in our garden in Ireland.
David: When I played with all the kids and we had so water and we maked that again and that was so fun.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When Davey didn't behave - he didn't brush his teeth.
David: When I cried 'cause I in the dark scared have.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To go to the marry...I mean, marrying for Mick and Lisa.
David: When I played tomorrow with Peter and all the wedding kids.


  1. Glad you and the Fam are enjoying Ireland.

    You'd have to feed me a lot of deep-fried bacon and chocolate soup to like cauliflower. Just sayin'.

  2. Define 'enjoying'. I'd rather be eating cauliflower.