Friday, August 31, 2012

In Yo Face

Ah, the cool refreshing sensation of sand in your teeth.

Today is our last day on the island, so we wasted no time in storming the beach. David wasted the entire time without venturing in further than his knees. He was too fascinated by the waves crashing in and then retreating back out. He spent almost an hour giggling about how the undertow tickled his toes.

Tommy also did not go in past his knees, but this was more due to him screaming and running for his dear life every time a wave broke.

At some point, Tommy lost his shoes. He didn't really give a shit until he discovered that sand gets hot. Then we had half of the beach looking for his shoes. A British guy summed it up rather nicely.

'He's lost his what? His shoes? Just how does someone go about losing their shoes?'

Yeah, thanks a lot, good chap. We'll just leave you to ponder that one as we head back to the hotel. Along the way, David found Tom's shoes under one of the cars just outside the parking lot. 

I don't know how he managed that one, but it was good that he found them because the pavement was hotter than Tommy's begetter.

On the way back, Angie wanted to buy some postcards so we stopped in a tourist shop. Peter immediately cornered the shop lady and demanded to know if she had any 'super-duper laser pens'? The woman nodded and whipped out a Mickey Mouse flashlight that even made Tom yawn. 

'No, no. Not so boring. This one has a green laser and can shoot dots and disco and tac-tic-toe boards!'

At this point, I was worried that Peter had soaked up a little too much sun and was ready to leave when the woman turned to me. 

'I know what he mean, but I say you, it's asspensive.'

'What isn't in this shop?'

'I just say you now - this pen is a veri asspensive. You want me show you?'

Peter shouted the answer for me and the woman fished out a key hanging on a chain around her neck and dramatically opened a locked cabinet behind her. She then reached high up on the shelf and pulled down a box covered in mysterious Chinese characters and dust. Peter was shaking with excitement.

The store owner knew that the bait had been taken and wasted no time in yanking on the line to make sure that the hook was firmly planted. The price for the stupid laser pen was insane, but the cost of admitting to your oldest son that you are a cheap-ass bastard somehow clinched the deal.

As I paid, ever-observant Tommy shouted at the top of his lungs 'WHOA, PAPA! WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MANY FIFTIES IN YOUR WALLET?' The shopkeeper laughed her ass off as I quickly exited the store. Suddenly, I had the eerie sensation that shifty eyes were watching me with sinister intent. Peter broke my irrational panic.

'Can I open it? Huh? Huh? Can I open it now? Huh?'

'Not now. Something tells me we gotta go. Now.'

I somehow resisted the urge to break out into a full mad-dash sprint for the hotel. After successfully making it back to the hotel bar un-mugged, impatient Pete decided to interrupt my second victory beer.

'Can I open it? Huh? Huh? Can I open it now? Huh?'

'Sure, but don't break it. You're not getting a second one.'

I remember getting a Daisy air rifle BB gun as a kid and staring at it with the same awe and admiration that Peter gave to this laser pen. Whoa, this IS the greatest thing. Ever.

Just like Dad with my BB gun, I warned Peter not to aim the laser at anyone's face. Just like me with my new BB gun, Peter promptly ignored his father's advice. In yo face!

At least Peter didn't accidentally shoot his older sister in the ear. Neither did I, but only because my aiming at the time was complete crap.

The rest of the afternoon was spent playing facial laser tag. It ended with Peter going to Dr. David for a checkup. Open up and say Hulu Hulu.

Tommy was not impressed at all and had ventured off to steal some poor kid's raft. I decided to stick to the ten-second rule. When no ankle biters came up crying that Tommy had stolen their ride after ten seconds, it was ours. Right on, right on.

Tommy had an absolute blast. At first he was too nervous to get on, but being the excellent father I am, I simply tossed wailing boy onto the 'borrowed' air mattress and shoved him into the deep end. As expected, he came back laughing. You so wise, Papa. 

Time flies when you're a hairy-chested adult figure with a wallet full of fifties who can bench press his own IQ. Before I knew it, it was Mini Disco time. I cried a tear of relief knowing that it would be our last Mini Disco. Then I remembered that Ali Baba had conned us into buying the entire freakin' soundtrack and cried several more tears.

Peter was the only one really old enough to grasp the concept of it being our last night on the island. He even used this to his advantage, which I found manipulatively interesting enough to grant his solemn request for 'just one last Cola'.

Ah, the cool refreshing sensation of sugar water on your teeth.
Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: Getting that laser pen was the coolest thing ever.
David: When I find Tommy's shoes by the beach. 
Tom: When I go on the balloon in the water.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: That Mini Disco was over for good.
David: That I am so sad why we are going tomorrow home.
Tom: When Mama, she mad on me why I cry so much why I tired am.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: Go home and see Luke!
David: To go on the airplane again.
Tom: I want to go to the pool again one more time.

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