Saturday, August 25, 2012

It's all Greek to me

First of all, TUI should be paying me for an all-expense trip to Australia, with or without the family, for such awesome urban ad placement. G'day mate!

Second of all, this was the landing shot. The actual take-off shot was at 0400, or 4:00 A.M. for you civilian types. To be honest, I did not even want my flash to capture any of the grumpiness that preceded this landing photo op. I know that kids are not normally allowed to drink coffee, but at O'dark thirty, I was seriously contemplating grabbing a funnel and force-feeding my kids some 'wake-up' juice. After Angie's unsolicited intervention, I seriously contemplated getting a bigger funnel. In the end, I chose my life over immediate happiness and waited for the 'fasten seat belt' sign to blink on.

After dumping the bags, we ventured off to check out the new 'all inclusive' resort village. We decided to stop for a photo op just outside our room. For some reason, and it might have something to do with all the older kids cruising the strip, Peter refused to sit close to his brothers. David and Tom immediately picked up on Peter's feeble attempt at being too cool for school and leaned in for an intentionally embarrassing 'come here and give me a big huggy-wuggy' shot.

Our first stop was the pool, which was awesome. Our second stop was, well, we didn't really have a second stop.

Peter has only recently learned to swim. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Sorry about that. Sometimes my inner gut cracks up and starts writing things that normal parents should not. And probably would not. If they did, they certainly wouldn't write about how incredibly long it took their first born to get his 'Seahorse' patch, which apparently means that you can flail about like a drowning chicken and still manage to stay afloat for more than three seconds. Bravo, Peter. Bravo.

As we got into the pool, Peter prepped me for the show.

'Papa, do you want to see me swim?'

My gut and I got into a fight. As per usual, I won.

'Sure, buddy. Can you swim to the ball? You know, the one right there? See it? It the one that's slightly more than a ruler length away.'

'No, Papa. Not yet, but watch this!'

My thoughts flashed to some of the more frantic scenes from Jaws, but only briefly.

'Wow, Peter! You look totally like a Seahorse!'

At that point, Angie glared at me and told me to go order some drinks. I don't know why, but whenever I'm being compelled by a hot hottie to go on a beer run, my liver just can't say no. All inclusive, baby.

When I came back from the bar, I was truly, honestly shocked. In the few hours that it took me to test out the free drinks, Peter had managed to swim. But really swim. Within one day he was cannon balling into the deep end and actually going underwater. Even more amazing was that he was surfacing. Our baby's all grown up.

After dinner, we strolled out onto the balcony, where an Italian woman wanted to photograph me.

'No, no. Not you - you-a fa-mee-lee.'

'Yeah, of course. Mea-jacuzzi.'

'You no-a-funny - you-a stay dare wid you-a bootiful fa-mee-lee and shutta-your mouth.'

I'm not often tamed, so I was impressed. I even asked her if I could hire her as a nanny but she ran off screaming. Damn, she's smart, too.

After dinner, we went to Mini Disco, which is apparently a local island term that means 'we're going to play loud dance songs and let your kids go absolutely freakin' nuts until they are so worked up that there is no way in hell you will get them to sleep'. It was especially thrilling when we found out that there was Mini Disco every single night.

Somehow, Angie and I managed to put the kids to bed and enjoy our first Greek sunset. By 'somehow', I of course mean 'earplugs' and 'locking the balcony door'. Still, nice picture. All inclusive.

Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: That I can swim by the deep end and do cool tricks.
David: That we go today to Greece.
Tom: That we goed in both pools.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: I didn't have one.
David: I couldn't play so much with you and cuddle.
Tom: That we can't look TV.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: I want to go to the pool and do some more tricks.
David: Maybe buy some things, like a computer, maybe.
Tom: Play computer.

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