Saturday, October 4, 2008

Tommy Osbourne

Man, I thought it would be years before I could find some really good blackmail material like Spiderclown to later piss off Tom on prom night. Turns out, it just takes a little Black Sabbath and some toy bats.

Tom wasn't the only one with demonic urges. Angie had a good week's worth of chores and built-up nagging to tend to. Not one to shuck duties, she started right in. I quickly realized that Tom was my savior. If I held him in my arms, I could avoid just about anything. 'Sorry, honey. I'd love to build your new sock closet, but Tom's asleep.' Yeah, that worked for about two minutes.

Around lunchtime, Tom fell alseep on my shoulder. Peter and David were screaming that they were hungry and whining about how we never feed them. Whatever. I asked Angie to pre-heat the oven for a frozen pizza without thinking about what a difficult task this would be for a woman who has never seen an oven before. I can't believe I could be that insensitive.

After fifteen minutes, I got up, confident that the oven was ready and quite certain that Angie could not peform the simple follow-up task of actually putting the pizza in the oven. I opened the oven door, expecting the typical rush of warm air that normally carries with it a slight burnt smell left over from the previously cooked meal. Now, I know that the pizzas were frozen, but I am pretty sure that does not mean that the oven should be ice-cold.

I was amazed to find out that Angie was amazed to find out that there are actually two knobs to turn to get an oven to work. One is for the temperature, which Angie corrected dialed in. The other is for whether the heat comes from the top, bottom or both. Angie chose the other option, which is also known as OFF.

I made sure that Peter and David's belly knew exactly where the delay came from. Then Tom starting screaming his head off. As Angie went to feed The Mouth, I thought of how lucky Tom is that boobs don't have complicated dials and those damn tricky on-off switches. Otherwise, the poor kid might be forced to bite the heads off of bats to survive.
Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When we played piranha in the bath.
David: When I play Mama as the hippo in the water.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When we couldn't be on the right spot for shampoo.
David: 'Cause Christoph bit me.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To go in the bath and make a bubble bath.
David: When I go to zoo mit Mama.

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