Friday, September 19, 2008

Nibble, nibble

Carol is a sweet lady and David loves anything with sugar, so it's not hard to understand why David is nibbling on Carol's cheek here. It's just not clear to me how Carol could still be laughing. I, along with anyone else that came within arm's length of David during in his first year of existence, have been bitten by David and know that it is no laughing matter.

Today started with a nice game of indoor dodgeball. Two boys against me was obviously not fair enough in the eyes of the pregnant one. At one point, Angie snuck around the corner and tried to break my glasses into monocles with a well placed hit between the eyes. I thanked her for the aggressive love toss and asked if it wasn't time for her nappy.

I fixed something today. If you are saying whoopee right now, you should know that hammers frighten me and drills petrify me. I'm more Mr. Broke-It, not Mr. Fix-it. Today's victim: our rocking chair. My only comfort was that the thing is so old and beat up, breaking it would not really be that terrible. Not for me, anyway. Angie seems to like it, but she smashed me in the face with plastic today, so I didn't really give a shit.

Needless to say, I will not be publishing the secret details of how I fixed the chair. I would rather let all the other pathetic not-so-handymen out there squirm a little and figure it out on your own. I can reveal that it took a shitload of duct tape and glue.

I don't know what Angie has done to anger the appliance gods, but now our dishwasher is broken. Since yesterday, dishes have been piling up. It's amazing how addicted to technology we become. We called around and couldn't get a repairman to come until Tuesday. Aaaaahhh! Jesus, what will we do now?!! After pondering that question for over an hour, we came to the frightening conclusion that we would have to do the unthinkable and actually wash our dishes by hand. Angie panicked and frantically looked at me for support. 'Don't look at me - I fixed the chair today'.

As we were reluctantly pulling the dirty dishes out of the dishwasher, I realized that rinsing the plates before sticking them in might be a revolutionary idea. One of them looked like the potato sculpture from Close Encounters of the Third Kind. I almost said something to Angie but then I remembered that I fixed the chair; I was done for the day.

Opa and Carol stopped by today. Carol wisely chose to go to the zoo with Angie and David as Opa and I began fixing things in the house. The 'and I' part in the previous sentence still cracks me up.

First, Opa checked the dishwasher to see if it is broken or I am a moron. I am happy to report that I am not a moron, at least not where dishwashers are concerned. I am also not a moron when it comes to rocking chairs - did I mention that I fixed ours?

Next we hung up curtains, a few pictures, the toilet paper holder, and a couple ceiling lamps. You know what we did not need to work on? The rocking chair, because I fixed it.

After all that hard watching, I was hungry. I picked up the zoo crew and Opa & Grams took us all out for Greek food. The boys were exhausted after dinner, so we headed straight home. We brushed teeth, got PJ's on and settled in for a nice bedtime story. Can you guess which chair we used?
Ladder Talk:
[David fell asleep on the way home, so I have written what I assume he would have said]
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When I saw Carol.
David: When Papa fixed the rocking chair - he is so awesome, isn't he?

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When I couldn't look TV today.
David: When Papa fixed the green rocking chair, but somehow managed to drill a hole straight through one of the arms and then covered it up using a green marker so that nobody would notice. That, and of course when Gizma scratched me.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To play with Mama that game with the cat on it.
David: To sit in that kick-ass rocking chair that Papa fixed. Man that thing is cool.

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