Friday, February 6, 2009

Look at that tootsie roll

I was in the other room when Angie started freaking out. She screamed like I had not heard her scream since that time when she found out she was pregnant with Peter. Do you sense a flashback coming?

It was the first night back from our honeymoon. I should say up front that our honeymoon was not directly after our marriage for you nosey types with your fancy calculators. This was during the B.C. years (before children), when partying was a nightly ritual and having breakfast for lunch was considered early.

We got in from the airport and dumped our bags. The plan was to go out and meet friends for what would surely end up at 3 o'clock in the morning with a bottle of champagne and the brilliant idea of swimming across the river to climb what, at the time, looked to be an uninhabited boat. That is another flash of my back altogether, though.

Anyway, Angie needed five minutes to get pretty. It only took me only two seconds and a mirror to confirm that I was ready to go. As I waited for Angie's beautiformation, I reflected on our honeymoon. It was a great time - I can highly recommend Mauritius to anyone. Towards the end of our trip, though, I noticed certain changes. Angie started having mood swings and I don't mean the fun kind they have at playgrounds. Suddenly, our plans to go water skiing, bungee jumping and parasailing were all deemed stupid and reckless, which were exactly the reasons why those things had appealed to us in the first place.

A toe curling scream from the bathroom brought me back from my thoughts. I grabbed a shoe and raced into the bathroom, certain that I would find my new wife cowering in the opposite corner of the spider that had surely frightened her. Instead, Angie was holding what looked to be a thermometer. 'I'm pregnant'.

My mind blocked out this declaration and I frantically began looking for a spider. I was convinced that if I could just find some bug to squash, we could go on as if that whole 'I'm pregnant' comment had never been made. Eventually, I had to face the scary truth - there were no spiders in our bathroom. Shit.

Today, almost five years later, Angie screamed that scream again. I raced into the living room, not knowing whether I would find a spider or the need to move again. Instead, Angie was crouched down on the floor next to Tom.

'You gotta see this - watch!! Tom just rolled over!!'

After my heart went back down my throat, I put my shoe back on and watched Tom as he rolled over from his belly to his back. I was ecstatic as well, but it may have had more to do with my hatred of spiders and moving than him being able to roll. I mean, come one - what's the big deal? If I roll more than once at night, I get Angie's elbow in my ribs. Can he whistle?

Angie spent the rest of the night calling everyone who has ever unwittingly given us their phone number to announce the earth-shattering, ground-breaking news that Tom could now roll. Somehow I could not hear all of the 'yipeees' that were surely being shouted over the phone, but I was sitting on the other side of the room.

I was not jumping on the bandwagon of crazy people who were somehow excited that our tiny ankle-biter is now one step closer to being mobile. I actually quite enjoy that he is stationary. See, it all starts with a little roll. Then it's crawling, then comes walking and the next thing you know, they're jumping out of closets and drop-kicking you in the head. And it's all because you could not find one measly spider. You're pathetic.

Ladder Talk:
[Beating Peter with a sword completely exhausted David, who fell asleep before Ladder Talk]
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When we play with Dalia to play cheetah and lion and unicorn.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When David hit me, when he hit it almost in my eye but just in my eye with a sword.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To play with Dalia this book because it is so funny.

1 comment:

  1. Awesome post Steve -- love this one! I love all of them, though but this one is especially good!