Sunday, December 21, 2008

It's my party and I'll smile if I want to

I'm glad that Peter is having a good time. After all, it's his BIG kindergarten party. The same BIG kindergarten party that Angie and I did not know about until parents started mentioning to us in passing that they would see us at the BIG party. Party, what party? When confronted, the party animal finally fessed up.

'Yeah, I told everyone at my kindergarten and maybe by David's class and maybe to Dalia, too that they should come to my house for the party.'

'Party? What freakin' party? How many kids did you invite?'

'I don't remember...sorry'

The sorry was only added because something about the veins in Papa's neck probably scared the bejeezus out him. As a former party animal myself, I had to listen to the echoes in my head chanting 'How does that Karma taste? Yeah, baby - I'm loving it!' This did little to calm me down, but the realist in me realized there was no real way out of the really BIG party.

The screaming ankle-biters showed up at the Zoo at 3:00 PM. Since the parents only needed to drop off their kids, they showed up promptly at 3:00 PM. Being the incredibly wise and mysteriously attractive father of three boys, I know this little routine all too well. If the parents are expected to stay, they inevitably show up two hours late to a three hour party with some bullshit excuse about their car catching on fire, which they conveniently forgot to put out, therefore explaining the need to leave fifty-five minutes early.

The message is clear: if you allow me three hours of peace (back scratch for them), I will make sure that we drop them off and pick them up on time (back scratch for me). The problem with that deal is that Peter's back is the itchy one, not mine. I actually prefer the whole 'drop 'em late and yank 'em early' approach, but Angie mumbled something about rotational burden and a piñata.

'Piñata, what freakin' piñata?'

'Oh, that one.'

Over the years, I have always assumed that my wife keeps secrets from me, but now I know for sure. That's ok, though. Now we're even. 'Even for what?' she will wonder, but I'm not telling; it's a 'secret'.

The next big surprise was when Eisi showed up to the party with his dog.

'Dog, what freakin' dog?'

'Oh, that one.'

I actually started liking the dark that everyone was keeping me in. It was nice and warm and made my belly tingle. Sure, it made me dizzy every now and then, but at least I could not actually SEE Eisi's new killer puppy that he brought to our KID'S party!

The downside of sight deprivation is that it normally enhances your other senses, like hearing and smelling. If you are ever forced, presumably kicking and screaming, into a similar situation, Cujo's loud barking and the collective smell of thirty screaming kids are the last things you want to deal with when shivering in the dark. It might even force you to make a funny face.

'Funny face? What freakin' funny face?'

'Oh, that one.'

After uploading this lovely gem, I briefly contemplated how dark life on the sofa would be. I am not worried though, since my wife is not only stunningly beautiful, she is also very forgiving and has a sense of humor? The question mark at the end of the previous sentence only looks grammatically incorrect.

Next on the fun-plan was a snow-ball fight with crumpled-up newspapers.

'Snowballs? What freakin' snowballs?'

'Oh, those ones.'

Let me just end this little recap with a brief 'lessons learned' session. Never. Ever. EVER allow your kid to self-organize a kindergarten party. If you really feel the burning need to have a k-fest, invite the teachers instead. They deal with the little hellions on a daily basis, so they obviously drink heavily. They probably party like rock stars.

'Rock stars? What freakin' rock stars?'
Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When I can stay up and when I can sleep by Dalia's and when I had my party!
David: When Dalia came and when I go on the party.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When I couldn't read with Eisi that story.
David: When Tom cries.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To read with Eisi the story.
David: When go again from Dalia's house.

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