Thursday, December 11, 2008

Petrified and Bug-eyed

In the world of superheroes, it's not so much how your costume looks; it's what kick-ass powers you have. Superbabe can catapult boogers and turn unsuspecting supervillains into stone with his patented petrified stare. What Cacao-boy lacks in hearing is balanced out by his semi-sweet chocovision. Destructo Dave was too busy breaking shit to be caught on film, but to be honest, I think he would see himself more as a villain than a superhero.

Peter had been on a sugar-free diet without T.V. since he freaked out at the ear doctor's last week. Today we went back for what was now the third attempt at getting Peter's earwax cork removed. We went in tough. Angie and I cornered the doctor before it was our turn.

Listen, Doc. At the last appointment, the Doctor started out by asking Peter if he wanted to have this done. That opens a door for Peter with a big neon sign that shouts 'run through here'. We want to close that door, so could you be a little tougher and not give the kid any options?

Sure, no problem.

We walked into the waiting room and a wave of body odor hit us. Angie, being the silent type, started shouting 'It stinks in here! Oh, I think I might throw up. Can we open a window?' It was at that point that everyone in the waiting room turned and stared at this slightly chunkafied lady with greasy hair. This is also when she started speaking Italian and walked over to her kid who was playing on the floor. As she made her way past me, my funk-sensors started pinging away. Yep, it was her. How do you say deodorant in Italian?

Our wait took over an hour. The nurse said something about the computers blowing up or some other lame excuse that did nothing for me. Angie was equally annoyed and gave the lady our cell phone number. 'There's a lady in your waiting room that makes me want to gag. Could you just call us when it is our turn?' The secretary cast us a look that told us she had also whiffed La Donna di Stinko and sympathetically agreed. So we evacuated the chambers and did a little Christmas shopping in a very fragile store with lots of breakable shit. My credit card is extremely happy that David had stayed at home with Kika.

Eventually, Angie had to go home. Nobody had counted on waiting over an hour an a half and Kika's David-sitting meter had run out of change. Shortly after they left, I got the call that it was our turn.

As we walked in, the doctor and I exchanged what I thought was an 'understanding' look, based on earlier conversation. Peter jumped on the chair and was visibly nervous. The doctor calmly picked up this long metal tube and explained to Peter's shaking head:

I am going to put this tube into your ear and squirt water. It doesn't hurt, but if you're really scared and don't want to do this, you can just go home and we will try this again next week.

What? I'm sorry, what?! Who the hell is the one around here with the hearing problem, doc? Didn't I explain to you that the neon door should remain closed? There is no next week. There is here and now.

In the end, Peter's fear of me or his love of chocolate overcame his nervousness. Despite a few tearful moments, we managed to uncork his ears. After all was said and removed, the doctor showed Peter the disgusting wax marble that had been lodged in his cranium. Peter didn't care, though; he was too distracted trying to figure out why everything had gotten so loud.

Being the realistic parents that we are, Angie and I had not only used threats; we had also bribed Peter into submission. Candy, T.V. and a special trip to Toys-R-Expensive were the rewards promised for a successful mission. It was getting too late for the toy run, but Peter dove into his candy stash when we got back home. I am proud of all my boys, but today Peter was definitely my superhero.
Ladder Talk:
1) What was the best part of your day?
Peter: When Rob come and did with me who the strongest was and I had some chocolate again.
David: When a big lion go'ed in my kindergarten.

2) What was the worst part of your day?
Peter: When I couldn't play with Dalia today.
David: When I cry in my kindergarten for you I cry.

3) What would you like to do tomorrow?
Peter: To play Hippo Flip
David: When Peter not jump in.

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